What exactly is holding you back from making love last? What is keeping you from finding happiness and stability in your relationships? You are so tired of continually investing yourself in your relationships only to have them all fall apart at the seams. You feel so disappointed whenever you get your hopes up only to have it all blow up in your face.
A lot of times, you really immerse yourself in a relationship. But then, the relationship just completely withers into nothing as a result of you falling out of love. You don’t seem to understand why. You can’t grasp what it is you’re doing wrong. You can’t seem to make sense of why this seems to be happening to you over and over again.
Well, the truth is that the more that you lose your sense of self while you’re in a relationship, then the higher the risk that you’re going to fall out of love with someone. You run the risk of completely becoming uninvested in the relationship. The truth is that when you choose to directly compromise, sacrifice, and give up certain needs and expectations, you are not having your needs and standards met.
If you notice that you are always falling out of love in your relationships, then you might want to ask yourself the following questions to get to the root of the problem:
- Do you think that you often find yourself in relationships where you feel like your needs just aren’t being met or attended to?
- Are you just continuously attracting partners who show no signs of wanting to commit to you, and yet you still cling to the hope that you will somehow be able to get them to change their minds?
- Do you have a tendency to place a lot of hope and pressure on your partner and relationship only to end up disappointed when it doesn’t work out the way that you want them to?
- Do you make it a personal mission to fundamentally alter or change your partner to turn them into some kind of idealized versions of themselves?
- Do you recognize the many toxic aspects of your partner but you still stay with them because you want to save them from themselves? Even if you know that you’re going to end up getting used and abused because of it?
- Do you find yourself having to give up and sacrifice so many aspects of your life just so that your partner will actually accommodate you into theirs?
- Do you fall in love with people who are making you jump through hoops just so their needs are being met? People who force you to really try to cater to their every need?
- Do you have a tendency of just completely losing yourself in your relationships to the point that you become uninterested and fall out of love completely?
If you answer yes to a lot of these questions, then you might have a habit of compromising too much of yourself for the sake of your relationships. And that is the exact reason that you keep falling out of love.
But why is it that you keep falling into the same kind of patterns? Why do you always engage in a form of self-sabotage? And why do they always seem to manifest themselves in your relationships?
Well, the truth is that the way that you relate to other people is directly influenced or impacted with the way that you have been treated by other people in the past. Whenever you have had caregivers who disappointed you or let you down, it can dramatically affect the way that you manage your expectations in a relationship.
This is all based on the attachment theory in psychology. It is a theory that describes a certain attachment style that you might have in your relationships. You keep on falling into the same patterns over and over again because you want to get your needs met as an adult in ways that were never met when you were a child. Because of this, you will engage in a kind of lackluster sense of self-love and self-care just to cater to your partner.
It all stems from how you were raised as a kid.
You hoped so much to feel loved and cared for as a child but you were always disappointed and rejected. You always felt so unwanted, worthless, and abandoned. That’s why you’re trying to compensate now. You don’t want your partners to feel the way that you felt. But in the process, you end up putting yourself in a self-destructive position as well. And that kind of behavior can only kill the joy that you might feel in relationships.