8 Signs A Man Is Using You Without You Even Realizing It

Think about the perfect and ideal guy for a second. Picture him in your mind. And try to think of all the possible traits that you would want him to have. Really take some time to ponder on his personality. Done? Okay. Answer this one question: is he selfish? The likely answer is that you wouldn’t want your ideal man to be selfish.

It would be safe to say that a lot of girls would think like that as well. You would never want to date a guy who is self-serving and conceited. However, you might not be able to help it. There will be some times wherein you will find yourself in a relationship with a selfish guy and you won’t even know it for yourself.

That’s completely normal. It’s not really too rare for people to fall in love with guys who are completely wrong for them. And you shouldn’t feel so bad if you have ever been victimized by a very selfish man who has used you.

The truth is that love can really blind us to the things that we need to be looking at. Love can sometimes turn a person desperate; it can lead you to do things that might be detrimental to you just because you want love so badly. Love can sometimes compromise a person’s rationality and better judgment.

The truth might be staring at you right in the face and your love might be keeping you from actually acknowledging it. You can’t help who you fall in love with after all. There might be times wherein your feelings and emotions are going to get the best of you and that’s just part of what makes you human. However, that doesn’t give you an excuse to be reckless and complacent. You always want to be staying on top of things in your own life – and that includes your relationships.

You always have to be mindful of the way that your man treats you in your relationship. If he happens to exhibit a lot of the signs that are listed on here, then he’s probably just using you without you even realizing it. He might be very selfish and he’s leeching as much as he can out of you until you have nothing else to offer.

1. He doesn’t talk to you about commitment.

You can tell that he’s only living in the moment with you. He isn’t really interested in committing to you for the long-term. He knows that eventually, he will not need anything from you anymore and that’s precisely when he’s going to bounce from your life.

2. Your friends tell you that something is wrong.

You should never base your decisions and choices purely on what your friends tell you to do. However, it would also be foolish for you to not heed their advice. They’re only looking out for you after all. They have your best interests at heart.

3. He only ever cares about pleasuring himself in the bedroom.

Whenever the two of you get physically intimate with one another, he doesn’t really try to make sure that your sexual needs are being met. He only cares about pleasuring himself and once he’s done… he’s done. He doesn’t stay mindful of how you feel.

4. He acts financially dependent on you.

He’s definitely using you for your money if he’s acting financially dependent on you. Whenever he has expenses, he always turns to you for some support. Whenever the two of you go out, he relies on you to foot the bill. He’s treating you like a personal ATM.

5. He doesn’t ask you about your feelings.

He doesn’t seem invested in your emotional state of being. He is always just thinking about his own personal happiness and comfort. He’s always just concerning himself with how he can make his own life better.

6. He has a habit of never following through on his promises and commitments.

He doesn’t care about how disappointed you would be for him to break his promises towards you. He doesn’t care about the pain that he causes you whenever he doesn’t follow through. He only acts out of pure convenience.

7. He doesn’t really open up to you about himself.


He’s really not interested in establishing any kind of intimacy with you. He doesn’t feel comfortable with opening up about himself because he doesn’t really see any real potential between the two of you anyway.

8. He still flirts with other girls.

He only wants you for whatever you have to offer him at the moment. But he’s also still trying to keep his options open in case someone comes along who can offer him something better. He really isn’t serious about being with you for too long.

  1. It goes with women too. I been a faithful and loyal man. I always got cheated on and used. Especially the beautiful women. They’re cheater from the get go. Got to a point where I don’t trust women. Maybe one day I’ll find my true love if there’s any left.

    1. Not all. My dear maybe you need to know them first really. Make and establish friendship first, then you will see.

      1. Ok, my husband exhibits all these traits. How do I leave him. I have nothing. And I’m just a housewife. I have a daughter, but something is not right. I can go out or even go somewhere for a few days and my daughter and I will feel good. But the minute I enter my home, both of us fall sick. It’s been happening ever since I moved in, in December 2021. What do I do. I feel stuck. We own the house jointly. He couldn’t get a bond without me. He’s from India and I’m South African. Sometimes I wish I never met him. My mum told my psych it would all be better if I had a child. Now I have a child and she is growing up in this toxic environment. He’s trying to kill us I swear, somehow, we are constantly walking on eggshells, in fright/flight mode. The excessive cortisol is making us reach for sweets and out on weight. He cheated on me even before we got married and he promised me it was’ one last fling before we got married’. On the day of the wedding, I said I didn’t want to marry him, but it was too late. Now I’m struggling to divorce him. He doesn’t want to leave me and my daughter. He exists to make our lives miserable and to keep us scared of him. He has hit me, raped me, strangled me…the list goes on. I can’t keep pouring from my empty cup, I can’t look after my daughter properly because of all the trauma we have been through with him. I’m tired now. My daughter even says we should leave, she doesn’t want him as a father.

        1. Hello, I hope you are doing okay. Please gather all courage to leave him and bring your daughter. I suggest if you can move to your parents’ place. It’s okay to re-start your life all over again.

    2. What does that tell you ? You’re going for the wrong women bc looks are the most important thing to you

    3. Don’t give up, it doesn’t matter the age that you find her she’s out there maybe life has just given you time to find your true self. So that the best you is he offered to your true soulmate. Good luck, and it sounds like you have a great heart. She’s lucky to even find you.

    4. Yeah everybody is not the same . don’t use another person’s character to judge everybody, there are good women out the and i hope u find urs

  2. This actually happened to me but the woman was the one using. It’s very rare Aman will do this to a woman but a 95% of women will use a guy

    1. I wouldn’t say it’s rare at all!!!
      BUT…there’s culpability on both sides! Communication is definitively key, you HAVE to make sure you talk and express your expectations and desires for a relationship. You also, and maybe even more importantly, have to have clear set boundaries for yourself…and FO NOT compromise with hose boundaries! If the other person is expecting that from you, then you have to walk away. These have to be set well before the relationship begins, and should be based on your core values, as a way for you to reach your goals; and should be clearly expressed to anyone you date.
      If these things are done; you will never get to the point that any of these things happen to you to begin with!

  3. No it isn’t rare for a man to do this to a woman. There everywhere. There’s a lot of men who do this stuff to women. But of course men stick up for each other n think it’s so rare for a man to ever do anything like that to a woman. Then obviously your just as bad. There a lot of women who do this stuff to. So it isn’t just men it’s women to. Sometimes women are just as bad as men.

  4. I have a few female friends whose S/O do these things.. as I sit single the sidelines all I can do is shake my head. I could write a book on how women can’t stand these things, but LOVE so they just put up with it

  5. So he doesn’t want to move away from you immediately because he has someone who do better than me,I’m experiencing that situation.

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