One of the worst relationships in the world is “forced relationships”. I’m going to write about this today because I’ve been in one and it was one of the darkest times of my life (and I’ve had some really dark times). Let me begin by defining what this is.
What is “Forced Relationship”?
One of the saddest relationships out there. A “forced relationship” is when two people are just tired of each other but still don’t want to break it off (this could be due to a number of reasons). This is a relationship that is usually dragged out and starts projecting a lot of negative energy. Any happy and strong relationship can end up being a forced relationship if all of the triggers are met. I’m now going to talk about the signs, the signs that may warn you if you’re slowly falling into a forced relationship. Let’s begin.
1. When you imagine a breakup, it doesn’t seem that difficult
Breakups are tough, for people who can’t live without each other. The moment a breakup seems easy, it’s probably a very damaged relationship. When you’re in a forced relationship, the thought of breaking up doesn’t really frazzle you so much, as much as it would if it were earlier on in the relationship. This happens when two people are so fed up with each other, they’d rather face the temporary sorrows of breaking up rather than creating a permanent sadness by being with each other.
2. You fight over every possible thing
When two people care about each other, they are very careful with their words and actions because they don’t want to hurt one another. But when two people are in a forced relationship, they tend to pick out the weirdest of fights on an almost-daily basis. I’ll give you my example; when I was in a forced relationship, I used to get angry at every little thing (she had cheated on me twice and I was giving her a third chance but I just didn’t have it in me anymore). Almost every other day, we used to have a huge argument over the pettiest of things. The “ignorance threshold” just flies out the window and it becomes nearly impossible to let things go.
3. You can easily spend time away from one another
This happens in forced relationships, people want to spend as much time away from each other as possible. They just want to avoid any negativity and want to be at peace for a while. For people who are truly in love, spending time away from one another can become a challenge, but the same thing doesn’t apply to people in forced relationships. The level of interest also starts diminishing, which leads to a lack of effort made by the people involved, which leads to lesser time spent together.
4. You find yourself thinking about other people
When a person is unhappy with the partner they have, he/she starts to find other sources of love and happiness, so they start thinking about other people more than their partners. This also happened to me when I was in a forced relationship, every female friend of mine who gave me even the slightest hint of a fling used to seem interesting to me (a man who never used to hang with female friends). It’s natural. It happens, with the best of us.
5. You don’t talk about your feelings anymore
When you’re in a forced relationship, you’d avoid talking about your feelings more and more. The thought of “talking it out” or “speaking from the heart” will actually scare you because you know you won’t be heard and your emotions will be ignored. This also leads to another gap, a communication gap. I’ve always talked about keeping a very open level of communication, it’s vital for the health and wellbeing of every relationship, but this gets lost in a forced relationship and this is why forced relationships are the weakest of them all.
6. You don’t think about the future with each other
When you’re serious about someone, you tend to take every step positively towards a bright and happy future together. You tend to make plans and set goals for the future in order to achieve the future you want with your partner. But when someone is in a forced relationship, they don’t really think of a future with their partners so they just don’t plan and worry about it. In their minds, true happiness is when they’re alone.
7. You don’t mind lying to them, it doesn’t feel wrong
I’ve always talked against lying, you just can’t do it with someone you love because it’s just wrong. But when people are in a forced relationship, it doesn’t feel wrong anymore to lie. This is because you don’t actually worry about them finding out the truth later because you aren’t really afraid of a breakup and you’re far beyond that point.
8. You got a little scary feeling down your spine while reading this article
If you got scared when you saw the title of this article, it most probably means that you’re in a forced relationship yourself or you’re on your way to one. If that is the case, then you have two options; you either sit down with them and have a proper heart to heart talk with them, or you just end things with them and save yourselves the misery of having a bigger traumatic situation in the future. Whatever you do, remember this; everything happens for a reason, life goes on.
Your turn
Have you ever been in a forced relationship? Tell me about it in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
Ok. If I say anything positive about my ex husband the guy I’m seeing throws a tantrum even though he talks about his ex and still has their photos on fb (while none of he and I) let me clarify positive, he was telling me that he taught his step
Kids to ride a bike and I said that’s the saddest part about my split with my ex was because he was good with the kids who were his steps (in the sense of being a playmate) fb got mad and said this is about me not him, I realize I cannot say a positive thing about my ex (whom I despise but he still had some good qualities) without my fb of a year throwing tantrums. I realize I cannot tell him how I feel about anything as in if I say a statement like I’m cold (not in a complainy voice or anything) than he thinks I’m complaining. I love him but I don’t know that I can live my life the way he lives his. He doesn’t have running water and hasn’t for 3 years (we’ve been together a year) I recently found out that it had been that long since the water. I am a neat freak so as you can imagine nothing is near out at his house because it hard to keep clean without water. I’m exhausted but then again I love him. So I don’t know, it this a forced relationship?
Ok, let me get this straight… he doesn’t even have running water?
Where does he live, a cardboard box in an alley?
No woman I know irl (including myself) could put up with this for three days, let alone three years. This guy needs to get his life together, BIG TIME.
Why are you putting up with this?
I want to write about this because i am really hurt and it seems people dont really understand this. Its been 15 days since i have left that home and came back to my parents. I had completed 1 year in Nov, 2019. I had gone through a lot in the past year and gave many chances to him to improve our relationship but he did not work it out and kept repeating those mistakes again and again. He is addicted to alcohol and little did i know that this would become worse after my marriage, i would have never married him. We were friends from last 5-6 years and he proposed to me and i said yes to him. I was aware that he drinks but never thought that this would become a nightmare for me. I remember him being sloshed and i clearly remember those sleepless nights. He use to bother me a lot when he use to come home being drunk. I married him thinking that life would be so easy with him as we have been friends but never thought he would hurt me to the core. I discussed with him many times that he needs to change his habits as these are really impacting me and our relationship. The only thing that came up from him was sorrys’ and ofcourse, he said 1000 times that he would not repeat those things. However, he kept on repeating those things though he improved a little. Whenever he use to control drinking for 2-3 days, i use to bare the consequence of the 4th day when he use to drink. His homies treated me like a nurse, they were with me, but they wanted me to accept the way he was (as he was my husband). They use to ask me not to react during such things which i could not avoid as i use to get really angry and scared. He broke my heart 1000 times and he broke all the promises. i was not in love with him as i married a friend of mine but he was crazy for me. Then also, he did not change his habits. I got into depression and i use to tell him that i will kill myself one day. I use to cry for days and nights. I could not build a good relation with him. There was no trust and understanding between us as he always use to lie to me about his drinking habits. We were staying together but we were not very close to each other due to such things. Then i got my mom involved into this and his relatives also. They also made him understand but these things still did not get over. I always use to think of killing myself and i had a very bad experience of past relationships and he knew how hurt i was. He promised that he will keep me happy always but he changed after marriage.He was someone who use to wipe my tears for other people and now believing that he is doing the same things was very difficult for me. There was no love b/w us but we were just staying. One fine day, i left him as he did something that could have taken my life. I finally understood that his drinking is his first priority and i cant waste my life changing him and begging him for a normal life. I gave him many warnings and chances but he did not change. I was not at peace and i was so stressed and everyone ignored my feelings. He killed me from inside. Nowdays i am staying with my family and i am trying to live at peace however he and his family is after me to bring me back and give him a last chance. I told them i gave many and that was enough. He did those things for good 1 year. I told them i am not coming back and i dont feel for him anymore. They have been bothering and chasing me like anything. just 1 week or a month is also enough for a person who has to change himself. He saw me crying , he saw me in depression then also he did not change then what good he would do now, So. i am fighting with them for not going back to them. My parents are with me and supporting me. I think living a life alone is still better than living with someone who makes your life hell! i would rather spend my life alone than staying with him. I regret marrying my best friend.
Your 8 reasons are somewhat weak aka too strong, were they baised on marrige or just relationships? Need to define a smaller window. Were there kids involved, her kids, his kids? Just making my poiny short, there are not enough fingers or toes to go with the stories, your thoughts were limited.
Could a forced relationship be because we started dating after a week of talking? The guy that I was with we started dating but after two to three weeks it seemed like we were fighting all the time. Is it possible it was a start of a forced relationship or turning into one.
What if you are staying in a forced marriage just for the sake of the kids ?
I am in a forced marriage but I have a beautiful child with this man . I am not happy and really hide my heart with him . There’s no love no hugs no kisses nothing normal . Feels like I’m more the care taker for the child then in a marriage .
Growing up I never connected with my father or my 3 older sisters. I recently found out at the age of 54 that I was in fact the half sibling of my older sisters and my dad wasn’t my dad. I was “forced” to “love” these people and later married a man I really didn’t love following this dysfunctional behavior. I appreciate your article, it is spot on, I just felt compelled to elaborate that it’s not just about romantic relationships.
My adoptive Dad Henry Ackland has forced me to be in a relationship with a man called Neil Williams for the past eighteen years, i’m a lesbian and I think about having sex with my Gran instead of him.
The guy that I’m dating now is decided that he needed to take a break. Because all we do is fight and argue. He generally starts when I tell him about my feelings about how certain things need to change because my emotional and physical needs were not being met by him. He always turned it around on me and said it was all my fault because I just like to knitpick at him. We have been in a relationship for over a year and it has been a what seems to be a one-sided relationship I drive to him. He never drives to see me. There are a lot of things said that make me feel unwanted or unloved and when I say that he wants to argue and fight
😂 james, you need a lot of bread and water. Order a truck load.