There is no denying the complexity of the relationship between a mother and a daughter. So many mothers and daughters all over the world have different dynamics when it comes to the nature of their relationships. There are some mothers and daughters who act like they are best friends who tell each other everything. There are other mothers and daughters who talk just once or twice a week.
There are some mothers and daughters who only get to spend time with one another on the weekends and then there are also those who get to spend time with one another every day. There are some mothers and daughters who live in the same household and there are others who have separate living conditions. There are some mothers and daughters who have daily fights and there are those who actively avoid conflicts with one another. It really all depends on the different personalities that are involved.
But there is one thing that is consistent in all mother-daughter relationships. They are always going to go through their fair share of ups and downs. Roni Cohen-Sandler, an expert psychologist and co-author of the book, I’m Not Mad, I Just Hate You! A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict, lends us a few of her views and insights on the matter.
She claims that there are three consistent complaints that most daughters tend to have about their mothers. They say that moms try to parent them by being excessively critical and demanding. And from the perspective of the mother-daughters have a tendency to be disobedient, they make wrong choices, and they don’t make an effort to spend time with them.
Regardless of what your relationship with your daughter is like, there is always room for you to make improvements. You always want to be staying mindful of how you and your daughter interact because your parenting ultimately determines what kind of person she’s going to end up being in the future.
And the fact that you’re reading articles like this is proof that you are a good mother who never wants to stop learning. So, without much further ado, here are a few ways that you can improve your relationship with your daughter.
1. Initiate the process of getting close.
Stop waiting around for the other to move. Just because you’re the mother doesn’t mean that your daughter has to be the one who comes to you first all the time. You should be just as willing to initiate the process of getting close to each other.
2. Set realistic expectations for your relationship.
Always try to set realistic expectations for yourselves as a mother and daughter combo. This way, the both of you always know what to expect out of one another and no one ends up getting shortchanged in the process.
3. Give your daughter space and freedom to be her own person.
Yes, you are her mother and you want to be able to nurture her to the best of your abilities. However, you also have to know your boundaries. You have to make sure that you don’t control her to the point that she can’t be her own person.
4. Communicate with one another honestly and effectively.
Communication is actually one of the most important aspects of having healthy and strong relationships. If you truly want to have a strong bond with your daughter, then you need to improve the level of communication in your relationship.
5. Respect your daughter’s privacy.
Always be respectful of your daughter’s privacy. Yes, you want to be staying on top of things in her life. However, you also have to trust that she is making the right choices as well. You have to trust her as well. You have to be able to believe that she isn’t doing anything shady behind your back. If you break her trust, that can cause severe damage to your relationship.
6. Be an active listener.
Always be an active listener. Sometimes, as a mother, you can get caught up in trying to impart so much wisdom and knowledge on your daughter that you forget to listen to her in the process. Remember that she can provide you with lots of perspectives as well.
7. Always try to put yourself in her shoes.
Before you judge her for anything, always try to place yourself in her shoes. You always need to make her feel like you are always making an effort to understand her more and more every day.
8. Practice maximum patience and understanding at all times.
She isn’t always going to be perfect. She isn’t ALWAYS going to make the right choices in life. And that’s okay. That’s a part of being human. You just have to try to be as patient and as understanding with her as possible. Let her know that she always has you standing right behind her even when she screws up.