Love is such a fascinating phenomenon. A lot of people wouldn’t disagree with the idea of love being the single most beautiful thing that you could possibly experience with another human being. But there’s also no denying that love has a way of betraying and breaking people in ways unimaginable. And that’s why you always have to keep yourself guarded. You can’t allow yourself to fall in love so recklessly because your feelings can often blind you from the things that you need to be keeping an eye out for.
When you fall in love with a person, you are open to falling into the trap of confirmation bias. You idealize and romanticize so many things about the person that you’re with and you end up blinding yourself to the aspects of that person that don’t really live up to your expectations and standards. And that’s where the trouble begins. That’s why so many men and women find themselves in relationships with losers – their love for their loser partners keeps them from seeing what they’re supposed to be seeing. And that can be very difficult.
You can’t afford to be blinding yourselves to the toxic aspects of a person’s personality if you’re going to fall in love with them. Granted, no one is perfect in this life. Every human being is allowed a few flaws and imperfections here and there. But that doesn’t mean that you should be so to openly tolerant of toxic behavior. You don’t want to “settle” for a love with someone just because it’s convenient. You want to love a person holistically and wholeheartedly. And that means that you can’t be blinding yourself to their flaws. If your partner exhibits a lot of these signs, then it’s highly likely that you’re dating a loser and you need to cut yourself loose.
1. He makes you feel bad for having faults and weaknesses.
You should never be made to feel bad for being imperfect. OF course, it’s okay to be disappointed about your shortcomings and your weaknesses as a human being. But your partner shouldn’t be putting you down. He should be lifting you up to the best of his abilities. Otherwise, he’s just piling on to your problems.
2. He forces you to change who you are because he makes you feel unaccepted.
He puts you on a pedestal. He wants you to live up to his unreasonable standards because he believes that he’s entitled to everything that he desires. He’s acting like a spoiled brat.
3. He resorts to personal attacks whenever you argue.
He doesn’t know how to manage conflict like a real mature adult would. He resorts to personal attacks and he demeans you just to make you feel bad. He’s not interested in coming to a resolution with you at all.
4. He wants to control every aspect of your life.
He doesn’t respect your freedom. He doesn’t respect your individuality. He doesn’t respect you as a person at all. And it’s probably because he doesn’t respect himself either. He feels compelled to control every aspect of your life because of his own personal insecurities. And you can’t afford attaching yourself to a guy like that.
5. He doesn’t have any real plans or ambitions in life.
He is reckless. He is just going with the current. He doesn’t really have any real direction in life and he doesn’t make you feel like your relationship is actually going anywhere.
6. He is very reckless with his money.
A man who doesn’t know how to manage his finances well is a man you can’t rely on in the future. Part of being a mature and responsible adult is proper financial management. And if he is far too extravagant, then you risk latching yourself on to someone who could bring financial burdens into your life.
7. He doesn’t make an effort to be kind to the important people in your life.
He doesn’t really care much about the people who are important to you. He doesn’t understand just how important it is for you that he gets along with the people in your life who mean a lot to you. He doesn’t get how human nature works – and he’s not worth being with.
9. He relies on you way too much.
He is overly dependent on you. You feel like if you didn’t exist in his life, he would just crash and burn. He doesn’t have a sense of independence and self-reliance at all. He always turns to you to fix all of his problem for him. You know that his life would be in absolute disarray if you weren’t around to pick up the slack on his behalf.
10. He openly compares you to his exes.
He does this because he wants you to feel bad about how you treat him in your relationship. This is a common tactic that abusive partners use to damage their partners’ egos. Don’t fall into this trap. He’s just being childish, toxic, and hurtful; and you deserve better treatment from someone who supposedly loves you.