It’s been established that one’s willingness to compromise is a necessary aspect of making a relationship work. However, that shouldn’t be taken to mean that compromise is the same as settling for something that you are definitely not deserving of. If you’re experienced enough, you would know that settling in relationships can only lead to bad blood and dysfunctional romances. Yes, on one hand, you might think that you are giving the ultimate sacrifice by settling for things that you think you are above. But there’s just nothing noble in settling. In fact, it shows that you’re just too weak to actually go after the things that you’re genuinely deserving of.
However it’s okay to be confused with the parts of a relationship that you can compromise on and the parts that you really shouldn’t be settling for. For one, you don’t want to throw away a perfectly good relationship just because you were too high-strung and you had unreasonable standards and expectations. But also, you don’t want to subject yourself to the kind of relationship that doesn’t really give you much emotional meaning or fulfilment.
So how do you know when it’s okay to settle and when you’re supposed to demand for more? How do you know if you’re being unreasonable with your demands or not? Well, there are a few signs that you can be on the lookout for just to give you a better idea of what a healthy relationship really looks like. If you find that a lot of things that are going to be listed here are actually evident in your relationship, then chances are that you’re settling; and you really need to demand for better treatment or a better partner overall.
1. Terrible sex.
Sex shouldn’t be the focal point of a relationship. It definitely shouldn’t be what a relationship is built on. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to settle for a terrible sex life with your partner especially when it’s terrible because they refuse to try out your ideas in bed. Sex is just as much a giving process as it is a receiving one.
2. Poor communication habits.
You shouldn’t have to settle for being with someone who is reluctant to practice good communication habits. You really need to be with a person who is open and honest about what they are feeling and thinking on the inside. They should also be people who make it comfortable for you to express yourself. They should be willing to listen and hear you out.
3. Reasons and excuses.
Excuses are fine on rare occasions. But when the excuses just start piling up, it’s okay for you to start questioning just how much your partner is willing to give to this relationship.
4. Broken promises.
It’s okay when promises are left unfulfilled to a certain extent. We are all only human after all. We can’t always be perfect. But when the trail of broken promises starts to mold itself into a trend in the relationship, then that is just plain unacceptable. You can’t tolerate being in a relationship with someone who says something, but doesn’t follow through on it.
5. Repetitive arguments and disagreements.
It’s normal to have fights and disagreements in a relationship. You aren’t always going to be seeing eye to eye on everything. However, it would be a big mistake for you if you start settling for a relationship where arguments are constantly recycled. If you find yourselves arguing about the same things over and over again, then you’re just virtually incapable of coming to a compromise at this point.
6. Irreconcilable goals and plans.
You shouldn’t have to settle for being with someone who forces you to give up your biggest dreams and goals. When you get into a relationship, you are going to have to make a few adjustments, sure. But that doesn’t mean you should give up all of your dreams entirely. It’s either you meet each other halfway or you don’t stay together at all.
7. Poor loyalty.
It shouldn’t be too much for you to demand for loyalty in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to settle for being with someone who is still keeping their options open. It takes a great deal of loyalty and commitment to make a relationship work. And if they can’t be loyal to you, you shouldn’t be loyal to them either.
8. A lack of genuine effort.
Relationships are never easy. It takes two committed people to make a relationship work and sometimes, that’s not even a certainty. However, what is certain is that if only one person in the relationship is actually putting in the effort, then the relationship is destined for failure.
9. Abuse and manipulation.
This is no longer an issue of demanding the things that you’re deserving for. It becomes an issue of basic human decency. No one human being should ever have the power to abuse and manipulate another human being for personal gain. And if you’re in that kind of relationship, then you’re not only settling, you’re also self-damaging.
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Have you been in this position? Talk to me in the comments below!