A Letter to the Girl Who is Too Afraid to Try

Honey, don’t be afraid.

Fear can be a crippling phenomenon, and yet it persists. Fear can be good in some ways. In most cases, it’s what keeps us in check whenever we want to do something that could potentially kill us. Fear is a stupid man’s saving grace. People who are afraid to do stupid things are people who have higher chances of surviving in this world. However, fear also has its bad sides.

Fear can often keep us from living up to our full potential. Fear can lead to us missing out on the finer points of life and love. Fear is what boxes us into our safe havens of comfort; never allowing us to try, fail, and learn through experiences. Fear shelters us from what is real, and sometimes, we need healthy doses of reality in order for us to get somewhere.

A lot of girls will shy away from relationships and hide behind their fears with the thought that they are immune to questioning and judgment. There are a million things that can run through a person’s mind when it comes to compromising situations and perhaps her brain is just telling her to keep herself in check. Maybe the thought of committing herself to another person terrifies her.

Perhaps the idea of being vulnerable and prone to heartbreak is too much for her to entertain. When you think about it, maybe her hesitation is justified. Maybe love is too messy. Perhaps it would be in our best interests to always be guarded when it comes to loving people. Maybe the butterflies in our stomach are there for a reason; they’re telling us the best course of action would be to fly away from potential heartbreak.

There are instances when specific guys will start to take particular interests in her. If she just so happens to chance upon a man who offers her the least bit of special attention, she feels herself tightening her knuckles. He starts treating her in a special manner, different from how all her other guy friends treat her. But then, her preconditioned mind programs itself to adjust accordingly.

She tells herself that no, this isn’t a special case. She’s not a special girl. He’s always this way toward every woman he meets and I’m not an exception. She automatically shuts him down without even entertaining the possibility of a future with him. Perhaps it’s fear that’s taking over, or maybe perhaps she’s right when she thought that she wasn’t an exceptional apple in his eye. The fact of the matter is that she’ll never really get to find out for sure. – Continue reading on the next page

While the uncertainty is indeed a struggle to bear, she has to learn to live with it. She knows that it’s the only way possible to keep her heart safe and untarnished. She’d rather live with the uncertainty of not knowing than with the faint possibilities of heartache and pain. What most people don’t understand about her hesitation is that it’s bred from somewhere.

Hesitation and fear are not innate physiological characteristics. These are things that people develop over time with experience and practice. She has learned her hesitation and fear out of necessity. She felt that she needed to learn to be guarded in order for her to survive. Why?

Because a past experience nearly wrecked her and she doesn’t think she would be able to take another similar experience. She has lived through the mental and emotional torment brought about by a guy and it was not a pretty sight. She knows how damaging experiences like those can be to a human’s psyche and she cares about her well-being too much to let herself be susceptible to such dangers again.

She built walls around her heart because somehow, someway, there was someone along the line who managed to bring them down and torch them to ashes. She once gave her heart to someone, and when she got it back, it was barely recognizable. The strain and pain of a trampled heart nearly knocked her off course, and she’s no longer giving it a chance to knock her out completely. She has a developed sense of mistrust and cynicism when it comes to love. She’s seen what love looks like, and it wasn’t the good kind. She didn’t want any of it back then, and she doesn’t want any of it now.

What she doesn’t understand is that the real love, the good kind of love, is out there waiting for her. She only needs to allow herself to open up again. She needs to know that sometimes, being susceptible to pain is worth the prospect of finding love.

She has to be able to risk it big in order for her to win big. Stop trying to shut yourself out. Love will find us because we all deserve it. It may take a while before we get the love that we deserve, but believe me when I say that the wait and struggle is definitely worth it.

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