Maybe you’re a girl who happens to relate to the following situation: let’s say you have just met this guy and you are desperately falling in love with him. he happens to express a similar interest in you. One thing leads to another and you inevitably end up in a relationship with each other. Both of you adore the same kind of music. You laugh at the same kinds of movies and TV shows. You share the same humor and so it’s so easy to find joy and lightness in each other’s company.
You read the same kinds of books and you enjoy the same types of comfort food. You have really fun and dynamic conversations that seem like they can go on without any end in sight. You feel like you have limitless chemistry; and that nothing is just going to be able to throw either of you off your game. You genuinely believe in your heart that both of you are destined for a life of eternal happiness with one another. Everything just seems to be perfect and you know that you couldn’t ask for more.
But that’s only the start of the relationship.
The deeper you get into things, the more you’re going to realize that things aren’t as perfect as they might seem after all. You discover that you don’t love ALL aspects of your man and that there are a few aspects of his personality that you would want to change about him. And it’s not the little things that don’t really carry much weight. The little things, you have learned to accept. You know that you shouldn’t change the stuff that doesn’t really matter. No, you don’t want to change the little stuff.
You want to change this one specific thing about your partner; that one thing that seems to cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your life. You want to change that one thing about your partner that always seems to keep you up at night; the one thing that is holding you back from allowing yourself to fall completely in love with him. It’s the one thing that is really forcing you to reassess the entire relationship as a whole’ and what you really need out of love.
And despite knowing that this particular thing is non-negotiable for you, you stay in the relationship. You stay with him despite the fact that you know that there is this one thing about him that you would very much like to change. You stay with him even though you know that the odds are now stacked against you at this point. And do you want to know why? It’s because you are continuing to cling to the belief that you can actually change the man that you are with. You think that your love is eventually going to force him to become the man that you want him to be.
You think that you have the power to actually love him enough to make him want to change; that your love happens to be the key to making him a better man. You see that he has the potential to be perfect; and that your love happens to be the missing ingredient. But here’s the thing: that’s your heart talking, and your heart isn’t always going to be thinking straight. Your heart is never rational. It just feels what it wants to feel; and if you get lost in your feelings, then you risk setting yourself up for severe disappointment and heartbreak.
And that’s exactly the lesson that this article, in particular, is looking to impart to you. Your love is never going to be enough to change a man into the person you want him to be. He’s going to have to want to do it himself. You’re not going to be able to coerce your man into being something that he is not.
He is going to have to make an effort for himself. He’s going to want to have to change because he loves you; and not because you love him. At the end of the day, you can love him with all your heart; but you might still not be able to get him to be the man that you want him to be. And that’s when you have to make a choice.
Should you choose to stay with him even though you know that your love is never going to be able to change him? Or should you just walk away knowing full well that you can actually place your love in someone who is going to be willing to change, adjust, and compromise for you?