An Open Letter To The One I Let Slip From My Grasp
I am always thinking about you and I often find myself daydreaming about what your life is like now that we’re apart. I honestly have no clue as to what you’re doing with your life now because when you left, I tried to sever all my connections to you…
Hey there. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I know that we haven’t been in touch since that day; the day that we just chose to give up on us. But I think I feel the need to write this to you just to let you know that I’m fine with us not getting our happy ending. I just want you to be able to find the same comfort that I’m finding right now; comfort in the knowledge that we gave it our best shot and we shouldn’t be sad about it.
I am always thinking about you and I often find myself daydreaming about what your life is like now that we’re apart. I honestly have no clue as to what you’re doing with your life now because when you left, I tried to sever all my connections to you. I didn’t want to expose myself to any fragment of your life. I needed to be alone because I was hurt. I needed to erase you for a while. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss you; because I really did. And now here I am, thinking about you; wishing that you are getting everything that you want out of life. I genuinely wish you the best.
And if on the off chance that you’re thinking of me and wondering about how I’m doing too, I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing great. I am absolutely drunk with elation. In fact, I would probably run up to you and give you a huge thanks if I ever saw you just walking up the street. I would express my utmost gratitude for you; for you leaving me. I am as happy now than I have ever been; happier than our relationship could have ever made me.
I decided to go for a run in the woods today; an activity that you were never fond of doing. And along the way, I got lost, but I really didn’t mind it. I came across a nice little river with the clearest waters I swear I have ever seen. I decided to play around in the water like a little kid on a rainy day. It felt liberating to do so. It was somewhat of an emotional cleansing for me. It was as if the way the water slowly glided off my skin was a metaphor for my detachment from you. I put my face toward the sky and I let all the water drip down. I allowed the soft breeze to cool my face and purify my soul. I remember just closing my eyes and thinking this is how it’s supposed to be to myself over and over again.
It was at that moment when I realized that I don’t need a relationship to help define who I am. I understood that being alone and single isn’t something that I needed to be afraid of. I realized that finding blissfully perfect moments like these didn’t necessarily require the presence of another person. All I needed was myself and a healthy perspective on thigs. At this point, as I tread past the walls of nostalgia, I can’t help but be grateful for the collection of moments that made my life whole; whether they were good or bad. I realize now that everything that happens to me, and everything that I let happen to me directly make up who I am as a person; and for that I should always be grateful.
I look at my current state of elation and I try to think of the steps that I needed to take to get to this point. And there’s no denying that what you and I had was one of the biggest steps. There was a long stretch in my life wherein my entire days were dedicated to the idea of you; the idea of us. I remember spending all my time just fighting for us and thinking about our future. Because that was the only kind of future I could imagine at that time: one where there was you and me. I knew that you and I had established some sort of bond together and I didn’t want to break that. I wanted to nurture it to the best of my abilities. I put all my effort into making us work. I devoted all my time to the journey towards our happy ending.
But you know how the story ends. In fact, you are the author of this story’s ending; and it was far from a happy one. Or so I thought. When you left, I thought that devastation would rain on my life for all the days to come. I thought that heartbreak would cripple me and would never allow me to find happiness again. I thought that disappointment was going to stifle me into a perpetual silence. But instead, I find myself living a life that I never would have expected. And again, I want to thank you for being the author of this story. Because I realize now that this was never a story about us at all. This was a story of me learning to find myself again. And you made it happen.