An Open Letter To The One Who Comes Next

He didn’t deserve me. He deserves a lot better. I sincerely hope that you could be everything that he was looking for in me.

Let me begin this letter by giving the both of you my well wishes. I sincerely hope that you find a happiness, joy, love, and contentment in one another. I genuinely hope that you find in each other the things that we never could when we were together. I still recall our very first encounter. I still vividly remember all the significant moments that led to us eventually getting together. I also vividly remember my feeling of optimism and hope. I remember hoping that whatever we had established at that time had the strength to endure whatever challenges would be thrown our way. Of course, life had other plans as we all know now. Feelings change. People change. The man that I was smitten by when we first met no longer attracted me towards the end of our relationship. Slowly, I had learned to develop a sense of indifference towards his presence. And the weird thing is that it wasn’t entirely his fault. It wasn’t entirely my fault either. It was just a combination of a lot of things that eventually led us to the place of desolation where we ended up. Ultimately though, it was my weakness as a person that did us in. It was my reluctance to go on even though I knew perfectly well that he was still willing to give things a shot. In hindsight, maybe we did have an opportunity to salvage things. Maybe we didn’t. But I know he would have put every ounce of energy that he had into trying to make us work. 

I knew that he was the type of man who would never hesitate to showcase his love, commitment, faithfulness, and kindness throughout the entirety of the relationship. It’s just that at the time, as crazy as it sounds, those weren’t things that I wanted nor needed from him. I was caught in a weird place in my life and I just didn’t know how to deal. And so I did what other confused cowards in my position would have done; I bolted. I left things the way that they wear and I never looked back. Not until now. There was nothing he could do to stop me because he wasn’t the problem. He wasn’t the one who needed to make any adjustments. He was perfect. I was the problem. It was my imperfections that led me to leave. I had to desert him because it was what I needed to do. He didn’t push me into doing anything. It was my decision and I have to own up to it. He was helpless to whatever decision I chose to make. He could muster all the efforts that he could but in the end, it wouldn’t have made any difference. It never did. – Continue reading on the next page

I know that this is something weird about me. I have a developed sense of self-awareness. I am self-conscious enough to know that I bring destruction with me wherever I go because of my character and my personality. And the sad thing is, I never seem to be the one who suffers for it. I never seem to be the victim despite my destructive tendencies. It’s always the other people who end up getting hurt, feeling dejected and humiliated. I didn’t have any logical or rational reason to end things with you. There was no analysis into what I was doing. I acted impulsively as I always do. I let my emotions lead the way as per usual. There was absolutely no justifiable explanation for my abrupt exit from whatever we had together. He was brutally honest. He never hid the truth from me. He was a true gentleman who always gave me more respect than I even deserved. He was always sincere in his thoughts and genuine in his intentions. He was deeply committed and he was as loyal as a dog. He always made me feel like I was being heard and understood. He was always generous and he had this uncanny ability to make me forget about all of my vulnerabilities and my flaws. He was the shield of my insecurities. He always made me feel confident enough to face every day with a huge smile on my face.

So why did I choose to end things? It’s a simple reason really. But its simplicity can be deceiving. I just never saw a future with us together. I didn’t have in mind all of the expectations of grandeur that he probably had in his. I didn’t share his vision for a family with us at the helm. I didn’t share his enthusiasm for a long-term relationship with one another.

He didn’t deserve me. He deserves a lot better. I sincerely hope that you could be everything that he was looking for in me. I hope that you could be the person I could never become. I hope you can give him the happiness that I could never give him. I hope that you build the future that he thought he would be building with me. 

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