Are you self-sabotaging your relationship?

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When we fail at a relationship, we always put the blame on our partner which might be the right reasons but sometimes the fault can be our own and we don’t even realize it. Certain habits that we posses slowly nibble down our relationship and before we know it these little negative habits engulf our relationship. If you are indulged in any of the following habits, then you should know that it’s you who is gradually damaging your relationship.

  1. You’re over-critical.

Nobody likes constant complaining, nagging and nit-picking. You need to accept that none of us is fault free and the human bit in us can go wrong at times. Don’t hold your partner’s shortcomings against them and throw it at them every chance you get. If you are the kind who finds something wrong with everything then you will never be satisfied, stop complaining and start appreciating.

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  1. Not letting your guard down.

Many of us are fearful of letting our partner completely in, you enjoy spending time with them, you love them, but when it comes to showing your darker side, your secrets, your scars, you shut yourself. This can be a part of your personality or a result of previous hurts, but whatever the reason is you need to have faith and take risks and give them a chance to know you completely, staying disconnected at any level will affect the intimacy.

  1. You give conditionally.

You take the give and take rule too far. If you are doing any favor you always have a good reason behind it. You treat your relationship like a business deal, you get your partner a gift you expect something else in return, before surprising them by cooking their favorite meal you ask yourself if they would do the same for you and if the answer is no, you drop the idea. You give only to receive. This mind set will have nothing but a negative impact on your relationship. Remember, there is no barter system in love, it should be unconditional.

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  1. Thinking romance should come effortlessly.

In the beginning of a relationship, romance does come effortlessly, but when the initial fireworks die down, that’s when the real challenge begins. Many couples find themselves in a stagnant relationship after the honeymoon phase is over. What needs to be understood is, you need to put in some efforts to keep the relationship alive and breathing. Being lazy about it will make your relationship boring. You need to create romance.

  1. You’re always comparing.

If you have a habit of comparing your partner with someone else then it can not only damage your partner’s self- esteem but also slowly drift you two apart because comparison leads you to focus on all the things that are missing instead of the things that are present. Especially in these times of social media, people are more flashy about their lives, they show off all the ‘good times’ and no one knows the background story. So, instead of comparing, appreciate. Pay attention to every little act of love from your partner and don’t expect them to be like someone else, every relationship is unique and has its own highs and lows.

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  1. You refuse to listen.

Whenever there’s a fight all you want is to prove that you’re right. You completely block what your partner has to say, you don’t focus on solving the issue instead your entire focus is on making your partner feel guilty. It is very important that you give your partner a chance to speak, even if you are right, you need to listen and be patient. If you refuse to listen, this will create a feeling of resentment in your partner.

  1. You don’t communicate your needs.

Telepathy is a myth, stop expecting your partner to read your mind and just know your needs. If you want them to come home early, instead of throwing hints and expecting them to pick up on them, tell them! Be verbal and straightforward about what you need, don’t assume that your partner doesn’t care if they don’t even know what what’s upsetting you.

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