Finances are a big part of every relationship. Every couple needs to discuss finances openly if they want to grow stronger together. Relationships are at their best when two people support each other and their goals – whether financially or emotionally. Such is not the case with today’s Reddit story.
The Story
A user who has now deleted her account asked a question on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit – asking the community whether she did the right thing or not by rejecting her boyfriend’s request to put her house on both their names. Here is her situation:
“I (22F) and my bf (25M) have been together for about 4 years. We started living together 2 years ago in an apartment and it’s been great! I recently got a new job and make around $80k a year and have been wanting to get out of our apartment and into a house. My bf on the other hand doesn’t have a very good work ethic and has had about 8 different jobs in the 4 years we have been together, all making minimum wage. I brought up getting a house and he was totally on board with it so we started house hunting.”
“I have enough in my savings for a down payment and to cover all the closing cost but my boyfriend doesn’t have any saving and lives paycheck to paycheck. We currently split our rent 50/50 and he pays his bills (car payment, insurance, etc.) on his own and I pick up all the groceries, wifi, dog stuff. I’m totally fine with the fact I pick up more expenses since I make more than him and he’s never complained. When we were looking for a house we kept the price range small enough to where I could pay for it alone so we could use his earrings as extra cash. But we agreed to split the mortgage 50/50 (which would be cheaper than our current rent) and I would pay the water, electric, home insurance, etc.”
“We finally found our dream house and are going to be signing the papers in a couple weeks. I mentioned to him that I would like to be the only name on the home since we are buying it with my savings and we aren’t married and don’t plan to be married anytime soon. He is now upset with me about it bc it’s supposed to be “our house”. I’ve told him that it is OUR house but legally it will just me mine bc I don’t want to put $400k on the line. He said that if it’s just going to be my house that he shouldn’t have to pay to live there. I disagree, it would be like paying rent anywhere else and when/if we get married we will change the agreement. He hasn’t talked to me for 3 days now and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here. So AITA?”
The Responses
The community was quick to come to this woman’s defense. Everyone agreed that she did the right thing. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top responses:
ollygollymolly kept it short and simple:
“NTA. Do NOT put his name on the paperwork.”
CrisirR commented:
“NTA. Rationally you’re right, but your playing with his emotions when call his contributions as ‘mortgage’. Of course he’s going to expect to have equity in the house if you put it on those terms.”
“Don’t put his name on the deed, that’s just ridiculous. DO NOT co-own a house with someone you are not married to. Live separately for while so he’ll understand his place in that living arrangement (meaning he’ll be paying RENT to live in your house, not helping you pay mortgage).”
farmerben02 shared her daughter’s story:
“No, NTA. my daughter is going through the same scenario, she is buying the house and charging him rent that covers about 40% of the mortgage. He was a bit mopey about it but has no savings and makes a third of what she does. She told him he can rent from her or find his own place. So proud of her for putting herself first.”
CoJas commented:
“NTA, this this this! I just bought another house with my money and even though my SO will be living with me we are making a “couples” contract (something standard in my country and notarised) that the house is mine, only my name on the deed as well. As time progresses and we do additions/work on the house we will change this “couples” contract to reflect the value of money and time he spent on it. He’s completely happy and fine by this, and thinks it’s only fair.”
“Yeah we live together, yeah it’s our home, but it’s my property.”
This post has over 2.4k comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
NTA. For starters, this doesn’t sound like a healthy and equal relationship. And the boyfriend of the story showed some toxic traits by being angry at her about this.
Your Take
What’s your take on this woman’s story? Share your take in the comments below!
Source: Reddit – AITA for wanting to only have my name on the house I’m buying
If he’s paying half of the mortgage then he should be on the title. The down payment is just small portion.
You were with a Jesse too? You have any of his kids? Must be the whole tattooed loser, fresh out of prison look you ladies fall for. No one would sympathize with the freeloader unless you have love for one yourself.
kinda stupid, depending where they live he would have homestead rights anyways so if shes planning on breaking up do it before you buy it
He has to pay rent wherever he may live. She is actually doing him a favor. It will be less expensive for him. He has no right to complain. He is only a boyfriend. He needs to step up his game for husband material to even have a right to get angry.
He is a deadbeat IMO and no his name should not be on there, he should pay rent to live their, or he can move on.
I would feel the same way if things were the other way around and he was buying the home and she had low wages and no savings he cannot afford a house so he does not need to have his name on one. He is beyond blessed that someone loves him enough to buy a home for him to live in and help with now he needs to get in there pay his portion get his credit right, get his job stable, and save some money. And don’t revisit that conversation until he does. God bless you honey don’t crumple to peer pressure
Whatever you do, DO NOT put his name on title! This is not normal behavior. He has no right to request this of you! I have worked in real estate law for over 30 years. If you put him on title he will have a “say” on everything you do with the house. You will not be able to refinance or sale the home without his consent! Legally you will not be able to make him leave the house should you ever break up with him. Please do not let him manipulate you into doing this!
If you had already owned the home free and clear, THEN met him, would you expect him to pay half the mortgage as rent?
What concerns me is that if you are able to pay it alone, do you have enough left of your own income to pay for power, gas, groceries, etc when he is out of work?
I applaud you for keeping it for yourself, but you might also want to check homestead laws in your state. He might be entitled to have his name on the deed at some point in time even if you are not married. Would you be okay with that?
Girl, kick him to the curb and move out (while he’s at one of his many, low wage jobs). For him to get angry at you is toxic as hell. When SOs stop talking to you (even for just a few days), then it’s time to MOVE ON. Don’t move him into YOUR new home. Be at peace and love your life. CONGRATULATIONS & GOOD LUCK!!
I agree NTA but if roles were reversed would her name be expected to me on the documents equaĺy ?????
Yes. You are a male and it would be masculine toxicity to make a woman pay for her share of the residence for as a man you are required to pay for everything.
But no one can fault a man for not putting the woman’s name on the deed without them being married.