Weddings are meant to be beautiful and intimate; they’re not the perfect place for pranks and stunts. There’s already so much going through a bride’s mind on her wedding day; the last thing she needs is a groom who has pranks planned for her that are supposed to remind her of past trauma.
Today’s story comes from Dear Prudence, Slate‘s advice column – where a traumatized and disturbed bride wrote of how she wants to end the marriage the next day of her wedding and asked for advice.
Here is what the emotional bride wrote to Dear Prudence:
“I got married just before Christmas and am hoping to be divorced or annulled by the end of January. Obviously, that wasn’t the plan originally, but …
“I never cared about getting married, but I wasn’t opposed to it. So when my boyfriend proposed in 2020, we decided to go for it. We each took on about half the responsibility for organizing the wedding, but I think I was pretty reasonable about compromise when he really wanted something. My only hard-and-fast rule was that he would not rub cake in my face at the reception.
Things seemed pretty okay up to this point, but then her letter took a disturbing turn.
“Being a reasonable man who knows me well, he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my head down into it. It was planned since the cake was DESTROYED, and he had a bunch of cupcakes as backup.
“I left. Next day I told him we were done. I am standing by that. The thing is that over the holidays EVERYONE has gotten together to tell me I should give him a second chance. That I am overreacting because of my issues (I am VERY claustrophobic after a car accident years ago, and I absolutely panicked at being shoved into a cake and held there). That I love him (even though right now I don’t feel that at all), he loves me, and that means not giving up at the first hurdle. I don’t want to, but everyone is so united and confident in their assurance I am making a terrible mistake that I wonder if they are right.
—Give Him Till February?”
Slate’s Jenée Desmond-Harris, responded instantly to the distraught bride:
“Dear Till February,
“Everyone’s sure you’re making a mistake, but they’re not the ones who have to wake up every day with a man whose behavior massively turns them off. You are. So you only have to listen to yourself. I think what he did was a red flag about not respecting you and your wishes—to say nothing of the physical aggression—but even if it wasn’t, the fact that you really didn’t like it is enough. Make a mental note about which of your loved ones don’t seem to value your happiness, and continue with your divorce.”
Our Take on This Bride’s Story
If you know your wife-to-be is claustrophobic because of a traumatizing car accident, you’d never even think about doing anything like that to her on her wedding day.
But this groom just wanted his pranks pulled without a second thought for his wife’s well-being. We hope this woman listened to Prudence and went ahead with the divorce because the groom showed a lot of red flags and toxic traits.
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What are your thoughts on this bride’s disturbing story? Talk to us in the comments down below!
The fact he didn’t respect her wishes on their wedding day is a red flag for anything else that could come along. Anyone who does this, bride or groom, is disrespectful, disgusting and wrong. I would be out of that marriage in a heartbeat. I just wonder if there were other red flags prior to the marriage that she overlooked.
NO IF & ‘S ARE BUTS…. DIVORCE ! IF THEY DON’T LOVE YOU ON YOUR WEDDING DAY DO YOU THANK ITS GOING TO CHANGE ?
I would run as fast as I could as well! He disrespected her and to me was abusive. That was degrading and humiliating. She specifically said do not rub cake in my face and her in turn rub her face in the cake. That is a horrible person and partner to have that would do that.
I agree with you, he was very disrespectful and I would have left him too!
RUN, don’t walk. He showed blatant disregard for your wishes and disrespected you in front of your entire reception, even after you made it clear to him how you felt about cake in the face. It’s not so much the act itself as it is the issue of disrespect. By him doing this to you – his new bride whom he is supposed to “love, honor, cherish and protect”, he showed you “his feelings matter more than yours”. He showed you he is willing to push your limits, just to see how much he can get away with. (RED FLAG – control issues and no boundaries.)
If he can do this to you in front of everyone on your wedding day – pushing you to relive your trauma in front of all your friends and family on what is supposed to be one of the most important days of your life – what’s the marriage going to be like?
His true colors came through – heed the warning.
Your husband’s actions were not onky disrespectful, more importantly, he was physically abusive. Something tells me you should have known, or you do know, that there were red flags you ignored. Whatever, why prolong the agony. He definitely doesn’t seem like a supportive, kind, or caring partner.
What kind of man shoves his wife’s face into a cake on their wedding day. He is a bum; get rid of him. What will be his next prank? I would call it annulled and be done with him. He is not going to change.
He is obviously an immature self centered JERK
RUN!!!
Yes you didn’t like it but is it worth divorcing over? Nope!!! If you’re going to leave that easily you never should have gotten married. That is my opinion but you do you.
WTF?! This is the dumbest response I’ve ever heard. If a significant other — who has made compromises throughout the planning of your wedding– asks you to respect their boundaries (especially when past trauma is involved) by not doing one thing, you should respect it. PERIOD. Full stop.
To do that to your spouse in front of everyone on your wedding is NOT WORTH staying married. If you like being publicly humiliated and having your boundaries disrespected, than that’s a you issue. All the family members and friends who have said she’s overreacting and to stay in the marriage clearly enjoy having their boundaries disrespected.
It’s not the fact that she “didn’t like it”. It’s the fact that he would care so little for her feelings on what was supposed to be a special day that is so wrong. Even if she wasn’t claustrophoic due to an accident. She expressed her one rule that meant a lot to her and that was that he didn’t do the usual tradition of rubbing cake in her face. No matter her reasons, he knew that it was important to her and he went far beyond that and done even worse. I think you have it backwards, if he cares so little about her feelings that he purposefully disregards them on day one then he shouldn’t have asked her to marry and she has every right to call it quits after this one thing.
Disregard this person’s opinion. Go through with your divorce…and pick your next partner more carefully.
The bride shouldn’t need to explain the reasons too much for her not wanting cake on her face (past trauma)….but her not wanting it should be ENOUGH cue for him to not act on it. Let alone, what sort of husband does that on a wedding day! Her requesting this is proof,she knows him too well….he has issues. Run girl run!
Almost March. If thoughts of divorce are still there, you know what time it is. This is the season of “f*** around and find out.” Time for him to find out
If he would do this to her knowing it was the one thing she did not want and he took it way overboard, that is just mean and spiteful. If he is capable of this image over the years what else is he capable of. Run now before there are kids and divorce is harder on everyone!! This guy has serious signs of an abuser!
LEAVE. Total disrespect! How immature on his part. If he disrespects her on their wedding day, he will not respect her the remainder of the marriage. He needs to grow up!!
I do agree that the husband was wrong in shoving his wife’s face in the cake but I don’t agree that the solution is to seek a divorce. I think the bride is hurt and is being reactive. The reader only hears of her side of what happened. She doesn’t tell us if the groom apologized for what he did or if he asked her for forgiveness. But even if he didn’t where is LOVE? The Lord’s grace? Where is forgiveness? Where is compromise? No, not to compromise her ethics or even her boundaries, just a willingness to forgive him as she will no doubt make mistakes in the marriage as well. Ephesians 4: 31 & 32
No bible verse is going to save that marriage. I’m sure she compromised throughout their relationship and even during the planning of their wedding. This was on thing she would not compromise on. She can extend grace, mercy, and maybe even forgiveness (after some time) from a distance and move on.
She shouldn’t have let the officiant “file” the marriage license with the county. This, no legal marriage. I’d have ripped it up so fast
DIVORCE DIVORCE
Excellent advice. Kudos on the bride for standing her ground and seeking council.
I hope you ditched.
divorce him; he won’t change
Don’t look back. He knew your fears and agreed to keep you safe until death do you part. The same day he not only breaks his promise. He harms you emotionally in front of others. All of this screams of disrespect. We do not disrespect the one person we are to love more then ourself. If he does these things in front of others, what is he willing to do behind closed doors? Do not punish yourself by staying married because others want you to. It is no one’s business but yours. In 5, 10, or 15 years do you see yourself happily living with this man? What about bringing a child into this? That could be disastrous.
Please, save yourself.
Hugs🌷
He showed he does not respect her. Bye…………………
Get it annulled/get divorced. He disregarded her wishes, disrespected and embarrassed her, destroyed the cake so they had to serve cupcakes and ruined the memory of the ONE DAY that a woman should remember fondly for the rest of her life. Now and FOREVER this will be the memory of that day. How horrible. Anyone pushing her to stay married doesn’t care about her happiness or feelings. They don’t have to lay next to him everyday. They don’t get a say. Her makeup was ruined, cake destroyed and the moment is gone. You can’t go back and fix it or undo it. Weddings are expensive. Would you pay for the pictures of that moment?? Think of how all the pictures at the reception will be ruined after what this did to her face. Even if the make up could be redone (doubtful) she’ll look angry/unhappy and have half or fake smiles the rest of the day. I was married 16 yrs. It ended bad and the divorce was hell but I’ll never forget my wedding day. On that day, my husband was everything to me and he made me think I was everything to him. And now – over 20 years later – those memories are still with me, even though things ended horribly and we don’t even speak.
He certainly wasn’t thinking of you. Deliberately inflicting trauma on you, you can’t trust him again. If he cared he wouldn’t have done this in the first place. This is a dealbreaker. Adios to the Groom.
His true colors came out. That is sadistic behavior and will only get worse. You deserve better than that and I hope by now he is history. You laugh with someone you love you don’t laugh at them.
I’d definitely run,for him to DELIBERATELY smash her face in the cake and having backup will it be her head in a wall when he gets angry???? RUN!!!!!