When you are friends with someone, you should always be able to have an intimate relationship with one another. And being intimate can mean so many things because it has so many different forms and levels. However, for friends, usually, the intimacy extends all the way to emotional openness and dependability. You should always be able to rely on a friend for someone you can open up to about your thoughts and opinions.
A friend is someone who you can turn to whenever you’re in need of some advice on a problem you’re dealing with. A friend is someone you can always have a lot of fun with whenever you spend time together. That’s typically the type of intimacy that is involved when you are friends with someone. But what about the physical kind of intimacy? What happens when two people who are friends start having sex?
Whenever that’s the case, the physical and emotional boundaries of a relationship tend to become blurred. The moment physical intimacy seeps into a platonic relationship with someone, there is potential drama that can ensue. However, according to the expertise of a sex relations specialist, Jess O’Reilly, perhaps it would be better for you to just stay friends with that person and find someone else with whom you can get physically intimate with.
O’Reilly says that having sex with a friend can drastically alter the entire dynamic of a relationship for the worse. “If you view sex as something sacred or special, you may be less inclined to stay friends with someone with whom you’ve had sex,” said O’Reilly. “Each of these approaches is valid — you have to do what works for you.”
O’Reilly also happens to be the host of the “Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast”. She goes on to explain how a sexual relationship with a friend would never be able to work if the two of you don’t share fundamental views on the true meaning and implications of sex. When that is a case, having a one-night stand with a friend might result in a lot of awkward encounters and text message exchanges. As it is with any relationship, O’Reilly suggests complete honesty and openness to solve the awkwardness.
It’s always important that you are able to talk to your partner about the boundaries that you have in your relationship and any possible implications that may be present as the result of the dynamics of your relationship. You always need to make sure that you are seeing each other eye to eye so that you are on the same page. You need to be able to establish a mutual understanding with one another.
If you had a one-night stand, O’Reilly suggests that the two of you talk about whether you’re going to have sex again or not. And if you decide on doing so, you also have to decide on how you are going to go about it. You have to talk about the frequency of your sexual encounters and the boundaries that surround it. You have to be able to hash out all of the details and expectations so that you are both on the same page moving forward.
You also have to make sure that you stay wary of the “emotions” and “feelings that you might catch as a result of your arrangement together. There is always a chance that one or both of you are going to want something “more” than what you already have. And that might end up complicating things even further. O’Reilly suggests that you shouldn’t really read too much into these feelings and emotions especially when you’re in the bedroom together.
These feelings might intensify as a result of some intense foreplay or orgasms that might take place while you are having sex. Yes, there are so many people who view sex as a kind of romantic affair between two people who love one another. However, other people also see it as a recreational activity that helps relieve stress. The truth is that sex is a lot of fun. It feels great especially when you’re doing it with the right partner.
“You don’t need to be romantic just because you’ve had sex,” O’Reilly said. “Many people see sex as a component of romantic relationships, but others do not.”
However, if you happen to find yourself in a scenario wherein one person is going to want something more and the other wants things to stay the same, remember that everything is always fixable. You don’t have to panic just yet.
“Almost every relationship disagreement is resolvable if you’re willing to consider multiple perspectives and respect boundaries,” says O’Reilly. “You can remain, friends, if one of you is interested in a relationship and the other is not — if you both accept and respect the boundary.”
You shouldn’t buy into the idea that once you become friends with benefits with someone, you can never really go back to being just friends. It’s always possible. You just have to make sure that the two of you always stay honest and communicative to one another about your relationship dynamics. You should be fine.