You’re familiar with the selfies that we’re referring to in this article. You probably see it on your social media feeds at least a few times a day on social media. Try it right now.
Open your Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat and take a quick browse for a minute or so. You are bound to find at least one couple with their sappy and nauseating romance-laden faces on social media.
Heck. You might even be one of those couples who are constantly bombarding your friends’ timelines with pictures of your faces.
Well, here’s a little newsflash for you: save for a few weirdos and maybe some close friends of yours, no one is really interested in seeing these posts.
These are the kinds of pictures that make normal people want to hurl their phones, tablets, and computers out of the window. They’re just so annoying and fake most of the time.
And do you want to know what else? Studies have shown that the couples who actually post a lot about their relationships and share their selfies might actually be the least happy and weakest in their relationships. That is all according to the studies of a relationship expert named Dr. Nikki Goldstein. In contrast, genuine love and its qualities are often found in the quieter moments shared between partners. These connections are built on trust, respect, and understanding rather than public displays of affection. When couples focus on nurturing their relationship in private, they often find a deeper and more fulfilling bond.
Goldstein claims that a lot of couples who aren’t confident or content with the state of their relationship are going to try to seek validation in the form of likes, comments, and engagements on social media.
They will post and post a lot about their relationships so that they can try to seek validation from others instead of trying to validate themselves in an intrinsic manner. “In my job, I get to see what people post, but I also get to hear what goes on behind the scenes in those same relationships,” says Goldstein.
“But as I look through my Facebook feed, everybody seems to tell me they’re so ecstatically happy. Often it’s the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship with other people on social media.”
She goes on to say, “The likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that’s where they get their up from – not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it.”
And that sounds like it’s a pretty solid argument. It’s not a wonder that we can think of a few people who are constantly posting about their relationships on social media… and then these very same people are making the same kinds of posts but with different people just a few months later.
Goldstein believes that the time that you invest in crafting and designing these posts along with the time that you spend monitoring the engagement and reception of these posts can actually contribute to the further deterioration of the relationship.
“You see people who will focus so much on taking a ‘relfie’ – a relationship selfie – and getting the right filter and hashtags that they’re missing the moment,” says Goldstein.
“I think, why don’t you take a photo because it’s a nice memory and a moment you want to look back to?” She also adds, “Couples are taking these photos, straight away putting them online and then watching the likes and comments instead of being with their partners.”
Dr. Goldstein claims that the posting of “selfies” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just because you have a photo of you and your significant other up on social media doesn’t mean that you aren’t really in love. It’s just that there is a certain point wherein it becomes an overindulgence. You don’t want to be overdoing it to a point that it actually starts to mess with the dynamics of your relationship.
Dr. Goldstein advice to just “Keep it fun and entertaining for people – not mushy and possessive.” She adds, “Nobody wants to see post after post about how in love you are and how amazing this person is. Exploring the emotional effects of physical intimacy can provide deeper insights into relationships, helping individuals understand their feelings and connections better. It’s important to balance these emotions with lighthearted interactions, ensuring that the focus remains on enjoyment rather than seriousness. By cultivating an environment that celebrates both fun and deeper connection, relationships can thrive without becoming overly dramatic or possessive.
The questions to be asking yourself are: are we the same in the real world, away from our screens, and are we more concerned about how the relationship actually is, or are we more interested in how it looks online?”
So, just try following her advice for a bit. In all honesty, we could all do without social media for a bit. Also, you would be doing a lot of your friends and followers a big service.
