Breakups are always hard, especially when you have genuine feelings for the other person. It’s not easy for many people to move on from one relationship to another, depending on their attachment and intimacy with their ex-partner.
The most typical question that comes into mind after a breakup is if another hookup will help you get over your previous relationship. Well, the answer could never be a clear yes or no. It definitely varies from person to person.
Some people who are fresh out of a breakup or have been stuck on a toxic ex sometimes find someone new and develop emotional and physical connections that might help them get over their past relationship.
Others may not feel the same way and might end up getting hurt again, or they even hurt the person they are hooking up with. Again it depends on your emotional maturity and how well you deal with your feelings and emotions, generally and otherwise.
According to Desirée N. Robinson, a certified psychotherapist and sex therapist, “For some people, that means seeking a physical connection as a means of managing their loneliness, longing, skin hunger, and maybe even feelings of validation or desirability.”
Robinson advocates that time heals all wounds and that humans can heal and even develop new, better, and healthy relationships after getting hurt.
She believes there are many pros to sleeping with someone else after a breakup, like boosting your confidence as you already know how to tackle a relationship and not repeating the same mistakes again.
“This is often a distraction that may serve to prove or validate one’s ability to be off the market and the feelings attached to being single,” she told Bustle Magazine.
“If you feel inclined to try it, you might experience the empowering feeling that can come from a good post-split hookup — which I believe can make you feel more self-assured in your newfound singleness.”
Robinson also believes that sometimes people find someone new, and although they are not looking for a serious commitment and just want to enjoy a rebound relationship, they do find some genuinely good traits in the new person that their previous partner lacked, and it could be a big plus.
“The shine of the previous partner is less when you may feel you’ve found better,” she said. “The interactions with others — even sexually — offer the experience to reset a neural network and how we associate meaning, belonging, and intimacy.”
However, not all experts believe the same way as Robinson.
Maria Becker, another certified psychotherapist, believes that people must consider some other major factors before getting into a new relationship.
“Many folks struggle in their relationships with sex and intimacy to begin with, so prescribing potentially more bad sex… doesn’t really make sense to me,” they told the publication.
“I think folks gravitate towards sex in the midst of emotional trauma because it can function as a dopamine hit, à la a social media like or repost. More deeply, it can help someone feel seen, desired, and wanted at a time where they don’t feel that way at all.”
Robinson also noted that not everyone could find happiness in their new relationships, and some people tend to repeat the same old toxic patterns, which could do more damage than good.
So, it’s better to take some time for yourself, with yourself, and analyze your flaws and shortcomings and how you could fix them before jumping into a new relationship right away.
“Even if the previous person was amazing, these simple tools can help you learn how to gain the insight to fill in the deficit that may have existed in that relationship,” said Robinson.
“The byproduct is that you go into the next relationship as a fuller, more aware individual — primed and ready to move on from an ex.”
Another expert, Dr. Claudia Brumbaugh, a psychologist who researches adult attachment at Queens College, City University of New York, believes that rebound relationships could be beneficial and healthy for people, but only if they know themselves well and are fully aware of their emotional state and needs.
“A “rebound relationship” is commonly understood as a relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup—before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved.”
“Little research has examined the consequences of quickly beginning new romantic relationships after another has ended. In two studies we examined people who experienced a breakup and assessed their well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner, and whether they were seeing someone new.”
“Analyses indicated that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.”
“Among those in new relationships, the speed with which they began their relationship was associated with greater psychological and relational health. Overall, these findings suggest that rebound relationships may be more beneficial than typically believed.”
What are your thoughts on this? Let us know your views in the comment section.
Sources: Bustle Magazine – Daily Mail
I think it’s hard to get over with a past relationship especially if you’re with him almost 8 years. But to think about it wisely I don’t even deserve to ended like a broken person. It’s time for me to moved on and time heals. Having a rebound relationship helps because it makes you feel wanted and desirable. It boosts your confidence again that you are still important and can’t be stuck with that previous person that doesn’t value and love you truly. And you know what’s your worth as a person. Be happy with your life.