If you love me, don’t change me.
People change. But that shouldn’t mean that you get the right to change me – especially if you claim that you love me. But I understand it. I know where you are coming from. For the longest time, I also thought that it was okay to try and change the people we love – especially when we do it with the best of intentions. I thought that it was normal for two people in a loving relationship to try and change one another. But little did I know that that was the reason my relationships ended up failing and falling apart. And I don’t want that to happen for us. I won’t try to change you. And I sincerely hope that you won’t try to change me. At the end of the day, we should love one another – and perhaps that love can inspire a change in us that’s for the better.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of falling in love with someone but only in a partial sense. I used to be like that. I used to fall head over heels for a person. But then I wouldn’t be so tolerant of some very specific aspects of that person’s character. And instead of loving those parts, I tried to change them. I made my partners feel like I really couldn’t love them wholeheartedly unless they changed for me. And I know now that I was wrong. Sure, no one is perfect. No one is without their flaws. But that doesn’t mean that anyone has the right to compel a person to change especially when they are in a loving relationship together.
One of the greatest lessons that I’ve picked up in all of my heartbreaks is this: when a person is allowing themselves to be vulnerable by revealing who they really are on the inside to you, then that person is taking a risk with you. And when you tell that person that you don’t like what you see, then you crush them. You crush their soul. When a person bares their soul to you, and you genuinely believe that you love this person, you tell that person that you love them – with flaws, blemishes, and imperfections included. Because at the end of the day, people can still change. But once a trust is broken, it will never be the same.
If I tell you that I’m not ready for a marriage just yet even though you really want to get hitched already, I hope that you can still love me. Because it’s not that I’m never going to change. It’s just that I can’t change at the pace that you want me to. And I need you to accept that about me. And it’s really supposed to be like that with other aspects of our relationship as well. Just because I’m not a certain way at the moment doesn’t mean that I’m never going to be the way that you want me to be. Sometimes, things just take time.
We all move out our own individual paces. And I can’t have you rushing me if it’s not meant for me. I need you to love me. I need to feel the security that comes with you loving me regardless if I change for the better or not. We don’t always have to see eye to eye on everything. You don’t always have to sway me into believing what you believe. We can always have a healthy toleration for each other’s differences. We can always still choose to love one another despite our misgivings.
Because at the end of the day, I think that that’s the most beautiful kind of love – the real one. It’s the kind of love that isn’t perfect. It’s the kind of love that is scarred, bruised, beaten up, and broken. But it’s also a love that keeps on fighting. It’s the kind of love that is not without its challenges; but is certainly not without its triumphs as well. The most beautiful love is the kind that endures struggles and differences.
The most beautiful love is the kind that isn’t easy – the kind that really forces us to take a deep look into the mirror and assess if we still like what we see. This kind of love is the one that demands so much from us but gives so much in return. The best kind of love isn’t the one that is without pain – because it’s through pain and suffering where we really learn to harden and strengthen ourselves.
And so I hope that you can love me. I hope that you can accept the fact that I’m going to hurt you sometimes. I hope you will be okay with me being mediocre in some aspects of life. I hope you will be fine with me disagreeing with you every so often. But you should know that if you love me, I am going to love you right back. And I am going to do whatever I can to protect that love.
Talk to me
If you enjoyed reading this, you’ll love our new mini-book! my journey to self-discovery. “From Hating My Life to Loving Every Minute” is my own memoir, my own experiences jotted down on paper. Will you let yourself be happy?
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