I made the mistake of thinking that she just wouldn’t be the kind of girl that I could ever find myself falling for. I would just continue try to convince myself that I would never be able to find happiness in love with this person. Of course, the people who care about me would tell me different things.
They would say that I should try to stick it out with this girl because she’s going to make a man out of me. My boys tell me that I’d be stupid to let a girl like her go. They tell me that I shouldn’t take a nice girl like her for granted. But I never listened.
I was too stubborn to pay attention. I refused to give in. I refused to give up on my dreams of having that magical fairytale kind of love. They were all convinced that I would be able to find happiness with this girl; but I was convinced that I wouldn’t. And I was wrong. I didn’t even give her a chance. I didn’t give love a chance. And that was the big mistake that I made. And you should be careful not to make the same mistake.
I bought into the whole idea of fairytale romances. I bought into the Hollywood love stories. I was selfish. I had tunnel vision. I was too concerned with bringing my fantasy land into the real world. I was too hell-bent on just manifesting my dreams into reality; I ended up blinding myself from what was right in front of me.
Sure, I had opportunities to fall in love with great girls who would treat me well; girls who would love me with all of their hearts. But I shunned them. I paid them no mind. I gave them no attention. Why? Because I was too stubborn. I was too blind to see what was right in front of me. I never allowed myself to adjust. I never gave these girls a chance – and as a result, I never gave myself a chance to fall in love the way that one is supposed to in the first place.
Not to say that I never became attracted to certain types of girls. I did. There were a few girls I met who actually convinced me that perhaps they would give me everything I was looking for. But they never really managed to meet my expectations.
Something would always go wrong. There was always something that got in the way. There was always something that would end up destroying everything. And I just couldn’t put a finger on why that was so. I didn’t understand why the types of girls I was typically attracted to would end up being the types of girls I couldn’t make things last with.
In fact, they would end up becoming the girls who would destroy me; they were the girls who broke my spirit. I met so many of these girls; and each time I did, I always expected the best. But then the worst would always happen. It was just fling after fling – and they all had the same narratives. I get my hopes up and I get my heart crushed. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I didn’t know if I still wanted this for myself.
And honestly, I know you are probably judging me right now. How could I have been so stupid, right? But let me tell you this. It happens to even the best of us. It might have even happened to you. You already know the type of girl I’m talking about.
She’s the type of girl who just always seems to make things so interesting. She’s the kind of girl who had a kind of erratic personality – and that was part of her allure. She always kept things exciting. She was unpredictable – and I loved that. Being with her felt like I was part of a story that was bigger than myself.
She was giving me the movie plotline that I always wanted. She gave me everything and nothing that I could have ever wanted – and that was the problem. She never gave me that stability. She was always operating on the extreme ends of any spectrum. She could never give me consistency and security.
And then there are the girls who I had been ignoring all this time. This was the type of girl who would always be there for me regardless of how I treated her. This was a girl who comforted me throughout all of my heartbreaks.
This was a girl who would always help to put me back together after being broken. And what did I do with her? I took her for granted. I took her for granted to the point where even she gave up on me. And that’s a mistake that I have to live with forever – but you don’t have to make that same mistake.
