We all have the tendency to be manipulated or dominated to extreme levels by other people. When you are in a manipulative and controlling relationship, you would feel like you are not getting to say things that openly. Which is why there will be times when you would want to end the relationship. The thing about such kind of manipulative and controlling relationships is that staying in them might not seem that difficult but when the time comes in order to break up with the person, things get quite hard. The reason is that manipulative people and controlling people would try their best to make you stay because it’s a part of their nature. They’re good at controlling and manipulating others which is why you haven’t left them yet.
When you plan on breaking up with that person, the first thing that you have to ask yourself is whether you are actually going to break up or not. This question is important because unless you don’t really want to break up, you would never be motivated to do so. Your motivation is how badly you want to live the life in which you will have your own rules.
It is quite understandable that living with a person who manipulates you into doing what they want or controls you to an extent that you believe you do not have a life of your own can be quite hard. The best thing to do is not getting too deep into such a relationship. There are a few signs which can tell you, in the beginning, that your partner will be quite controlling and that is when you need to make a decision if you’re not okay with being controlled by someone.
If that time has passed and you are way too involved, then we have mentioned a few steps here which would help you in getting out of your scary relationship.
1. Look for signs which prove whether you are being controlled or not:
Starting with the most basic step. You have to look for signs that you are actually being controlled and manipulated. Make sure you gather as many signs as you can because you need to mentally convince yourself. If you actually like the person a lot, then leaving them would be difficult therefore you want the reasons to weigh more than the likeness for that person. Of course, initially it would not be that prominent that the person is trying to take over your life, but slowly and gradually it would start to increase. You have to notice that the person tries to go for their own choices instead of considering yours. Such as going out for dinner to a place that they want instead of going to the place where you want. Sometimes, it is okay, but this is just an example that would give you a hint of how they actually start to control you. *Continue reading on next page*
In some cases, what controlling people do is that when they get angry at you, they make you feel horrible. And after that, they try to make you feel that they love you or need you. They understand that the anger might have scared you, which is why they try to show you their affection, so that you do not get the thoughts of leaving them.
The biggest hint that one can get is that if you have previously tried to leave and the person has threatened you through violence or suicide attempts, then this is the biggest indication that you are being manipulated. Controlling people with the combination of jealousy is that they would not like you to spend time with your friends, especially if your friends are all over the gender. They would make you avoid your friends.
2. Make a list of all the reasons that can be used as the motivation to leave:
In order to make sure that you will stay motivated, you will have to find another list of reasons and reminders that you are not liking how you are being treated.
You can start it by thinking of what kind of a person you were before all this happened. After that, you have to think of all those times when you were not happy with the way you were being treated. Think of the times when you wanted something really bad but your partner did not want to do that thing and you were not happy about it.
Think of all the times you have feared that your partner would not accept your decision or will not like what you’re planning to do. Think of all the times when you had to change your decisions just because your partner was not happy with them or your partner manipulated you into changing your decisions.
Other than that, you can take the help of your loved ones or your very close friends in order to gather up all the reasons for leaving the person. Do not let yourself think, even for a second, that whatever is happening is fine and you can live with it. If you do so, then remember that this is the first indication that you aren’t motivated enough to set yourself free from the shackles of such a relationship.В *Continue reading on next page*
3. Chalk out a plan to say what you have to say:
Chalking out a plan is really important. Sometimes, when things are not properly planned, that is when failure occurs. Failure has to be avoided at any cost in this case because if you fail, your partner will get more cautious and will start to manipulate you more into staying with them.
Now, chalking out a plan depends on the personality and habits of your partner. Everyone is different, which is why it isn’t easy to convince all of them with the same technique. When you will chalk out a plan and know what things you have to say, only then you can be successful, if you are afraid that your plan won’t work, then don’t be scared. Still make a plan and give it a try.
4. Keep in mind that you will need a plan B, C, D and so on, if plan A doesn’t work:
This step is for all of those who have the fear that their plan will not work. They say that if plan A fails, do not worry because there are 25 other alphabets as well. Same is the case in this scenario, if you are afraid that your initial plan will not work, then make more plans and keep on trying. Do not give up because the results will be absolutely worth it.
It may get a little hectic, making multiple plans is not easy. At the same time, getting something really good isn’t easy either. You require a lot of hard work and dedication for it. Therefore, do not give up because you are almost there.
5. You have to be firm, no matter what:
Your partner will start to emotionally blackmail you or try to scare you into staying with them, but be strong and do not let all of that reach your core and make you give up. All the steps that you have actually followed earlier weren’t easy and now that you have reached here, you just cannot give up just because a person is threatening you. If possible, take help from the people around you, like your family and friends.
If there is violence and aggression, then you know what you have to do in order to protect yourself from getting physically harmed. Secondly, you can also say it to their face that you are absolutely done with all this and you just want to leave.В *Continue reading on next page*
6. Don’t get into details, just be straight:
When you answer all of their questions, there is a chance that they will try to make you say where you are going or where you are going to live, who helped you in making up your mind regarding leaving me etc. So the best thing in order to stay safe is that you do not get into the details and you just stay straight forward with them. This will keep you safe from the scariness of your soon to be ex.
7. Stay distant afterwards and avoid getting into contact again:
This step is very important because once you breakup, you get emotionally vulnerable for some time, which is why it is easy for your ex to talk you into getting back with them again. You just have to break all contact with them and move on with life because if you maintain contact, then the cycle will start again and this process is quite tiring.
Make sure you spend a lot of time with your loved ones and friends so that you realize that life is very beautiful and there is a lot that you have been missing. Secondly, keep yourself busy because then you will be able to forget what happened.
Talk to me
Have you been in a manipulative and controlling relationship? How did you save yourself? Share your stories for our other readers who could be going through similar situation, let me know in the comments down below!