I would be lying if I said that I have never been worried about the future that you and I are going to have. In fact, thoughts about the future have been crossing my mind way too often as of late. I’ve been touching on the ideas of destiny and fate. Do you really believe in the idea of having soulmates? Do you believe in the concept of two people just being meant to be with one another no matter what? Is choice really just an illusion that we all have? Are all of our lives’ stories already written out for us?
Are we all really just following some invisible script? Is everything already predestined? Does the universe hold the fate of our lives in its hands? Does fate really dictate everything that we do and everything that happens to us?
Or is life purely composed of chance happenings and interactions? Is everything really random and we always have to take advantage of all the opportunities that fall into our lap? And how does this all relate to love and romance?
I always hear that if you truly love someone, you need to be able to let that person go. If that person comes back, then that is confirmation that you have always been meant to be. And if that person doesn’t return, then maybe things were never meant to last at all. Honestly, I don’t know much about this matter. I won’t claim to be an expert on this. I won’t be so daring so as to assume that I am an authority figure on this. But here I am; I’m still trying to figure things out. I’m still unsure of what love is and what exactly I have to do to make sure that love doesn’t escape me anymore.
But you’ve eluded me. You’re no longer here no matter how much I want you to be. I’m only left with vague memories of how you smell and how you look. I want so desperately for you to be at my side, but you’re not here. And even though I hate the fact that things are the way that they are, I’m slowly starting to accept the idea of everything happening for a specific reason. So, even though I might not really understand things at the moment, I know that everything is eventually going to make sense.
I know that I’m being very incoherent right now. I know that I’m not really making much sense. I know that I’m not exactly explaining things too well. And I hope you can bear with me. It’s not easy at all. It’s all very confusing. Even I haven’t been able to make sense of everything that I’m feeling. And so I find it hard to articulate these feelings to other people. But here I am; trying my best.
For the longest time, I felt like there was something missing in my life. I felt incomplete. And forgive me for sounding cliché but that’s just the best way that I could put it. The moment that you chose to walk away from me, I felt like I had one of my limbs torn away from my body. I felt like someone punched a hole through my chest, reached into my chest cavity, grabbed my heart, pulled it out, and crushed it right in front of me. That’s what it felt like when you chose to walk away. I felt like someone beat me to a pulp and the wounds and bruises of that beating have yet to heal. I still haven’t grown to accept that this is my life now; a life without you.
I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that you’re not at my side; that you’re off wandering and seeing the world without me at your side. These are concepts that are difficult for me to grasp. Because for the longest time, I always thought that you and I would spend the rest of our lives together. And to have those beliefs stripped away from me in such a manner as it was, I’m left feeling shaken by everything.
But at the end of the day, I know that you and I can still work things out. I have a feeling that I’m still going to eventually find my way back into your arms. And you can call it blind optimism if you want; but that’s really how I’m choosing to live my life. I refuse to let my hopes and dreams go. I refuse to give up on the idea of you and me. Through it all, I’m going to put my trust in destiny; because I know that fate is the only thing that can bring you back into my life at this point.