Today’s story comes from Quora – where a somewhat disturbed husband asked Quora’s community for help. His wife insists on going to a male gynecologist, and he’s very much against it. He asked his question directed towards the husbands on Quora to give their input about this situation:
My wife is insisting upon going to a male gynecologist, and I am very much against it. Does any other husband feel the same about his wife?
A lot of Quora’s experienced members came to answer his question. Here are some of the best answers from the husbands themselves:
1. John Cate wrote a very descriptive and detailed answer, one of our favorites:
“I care that my wife’s doctors are professional, knowledgeable and committed to providing her with the best possible care. Any of you who have read previous answers about my wife know how vital it is that she receives care from good providers.”
“Whether or not her doctors have an XX or XY chromosome pattern has nothing to do with their abilities as doctors. Kay and I discuss it when she gets a new provider, if there are any concerns. The $ex of that provider is not a matter we have ever had to discuss.”
“And by the way, it was a female gyno who missed Kay’s cancer one year, and when it was properly diagnosed a year later at her next check-up, turned what would have been a simple procedure if detected early into a year of hell for her and left her disabled for life. The $ex of a gynecologist has nothing to do with how good they are. Stop being insecure.”
2. Alexander Finnegan, another experienced Quora member, wrote:
“My wife and I had to do IVF. It worked. The doctor is one of the top doctors in the field. He is highly respected. He is called a ‘reproductive endocrinologist.’ At his office, there is a chair for husbands or partners to sit during the examination.”
“At this time, I was very involved with my wife’s care because doing IVF is extremely intensive and you need a lot of support. So I did all the driving. I went to all the appointments.”
“I wouldn’t be worried about my wife having male gynecologists. They are professional and there is nothing to worry about. Many offices have a nurse in the room. Some women who have been raped feel more comfortable with a female doctor or having a nurse or assistant in the room. That is understandable.”
“I have heard of one case where the gynecologist raped dozens of women and acted inappropriately, but that is extremely rare.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. But if you do, go to the appointments with your wife. Or have her ask for an assistant to be in the room. If these won’t work, then ask her to get a female doctor. It is her choice, but if she respects your feelings, she will work with you.”
“Whether you are ‘right’ to be concerned doesn’t matter. You are, so it should be considered.”
3. Andrew Weill kept it short and sweet:
“I don’t. My wife is entirely capable of determining the most suitable doctor for her without my input or approval.”
4. Eric Rogers, a nurse, wrote:
“As a male nurse, allow me to share something.”
“In 17 years, I’ve obviously have to care for female patients and after getting over my own modesty issues, (I don’t want to look, but I need to look to do my job) it becomes just another body part.”
“Male medical professionals, for the most part, aren’t in the field to get their jollies.”
“Further, ask yourself, would you go to a female urologist? If you did, and your wife objected, would you change urologists because of her objections?”
5. Paul Fixx answered with some serious facts:
“As others have said, it’s not her problem, it is yours. It is time to tell her you can’t trust her and need a divorce, or at the very least some counseling. Finding other husbands who feel the same way will not make you right in feeling the way you do, it will only help you find other men with the same problem you have.”
6. Mark Tarte wrote:
“Nope. It just sounds like you are VERY insecure. My wife had an male OBGYN for both of our children and he was great. He had to perform an emergency C-section for our first born and was remarkable.”
“If you think a male doctor is going to put the moves on your wife, think about the hundreds of other women he also has as patients. Do you really think he will do that or that your wife will suddenly leave you for him? Doubtful in the extreme.”
7. Lance Henry shares his 25 years of marriage:
“Never in my 25 years of marriage did I consider telling my wife or my daughter what doctor to go to. It was my wife’s call for her and once my daughter was old enough it was her call also. I wanted them to feel good about seeing the doctor. Also, I have moved several times and had both male and female doctors. No one else ever cared.”
This question has over 300 top-notch answers, read them all on Quora here.
Doctors are professionals who care about their patient’s health. We think this husband needs to listen to his wife and let her see whoever she chooses as her gynecologist – it’s her decision. No husband should be insecure with this.
What’s Your Answer
What would you say to this husband? Write your answers in the comments below!