A happy marriage consists of two people taking care of each other and appreciating each other. As long as there’s a balance, marriages grow and blossom into beautiful relationships. But if there is no appreciation, it can lead to a toxic marriage. Today’s Reddit story is about a husband who doesn’t appreciate his wife and thinks being a stay-at-home mom is her job, so she shouldn’t ask for appreciation.
The Story
A husband with the username Particular-Willow-17 posted his question on the AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit asking whether he did the right thing or not. His story is below:
“I (36M) work full time and my wife (32F) is a SAHM looking after our 2 year old twins.”
“When we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a SAHM, especially since we don’t have any family/grandparents nearby. We were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don’t plan on having any more).”
“I make a good wage so we are comfortable. I don’t give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, I make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house.”
“I work from home and a typical day for me is 7am – 5pm. Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. She is great at her job and the house is spotless. I am happy with this arrangement and I thought my wife was too.”
“Recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. I asked if I could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her. E.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when I go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. I’ll admit that I didn’t do this, purely because I am not in the habit to be honest.”
“We recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being “treated like a servant”. She basically said that her working hours are 5am – 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it’s a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money, I think that’s cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job.”
“I essentially said this to her and now I’m wondering if I am the a**hole – looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? AITA?”
After receiving tremendously negative replies, he updated his original post with an edit:
“EDIT: Ok, you can all stop tearing me a new a**hole. I get it. I do get to relax at the weekend whereas my wife usually does her normal routine and gets on top of the cleaning etc. Just for the record, I do thank her for everything she does – I say thank you all the time but I understand that this may not be her love language.”
The Responses
I think we all know how this one is going to turn out. Everyone on Reddit came to tell this man off. The comments section is unanimous about the guy being in the wrong. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
Temporary_Badger commented:
“YTA. Jesus Christ, it’s really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say “thank you”?”
“It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn’t even the point. Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you’re a robot who doesn’t need appreciation, that doesn’t mean she has to be too.”
rak1882 chimed in:
“YTA It’s amazing- it’s like your wife wants to treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/nanny/housekeeper.”
“Your wife is telling explicitly what she needs- she needs you to show her that she’s appreciated. You are told- in a variety of ways at your job- that you are appreciated, I have no doubt.”
“Your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable.”
etds3 said:
“AND: I guarantee she is doing this for him too and he just doesn’t see it. Complimenting him, expressing appreciation, making his favorite meals.”
“This is what people in healthy relationships do! The SAHM thing just exaggerates the need that much more, but even without it, you are not going to have a happy partner if you never show them that you like them!”
abook-aday131 chimed in:
“YTA. Dude, c’mon. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 job. She’s on the clock constantly, whereas it sounds like you come home, spend a little time with the kids, put them to bed with her help, and then get to relax.”
“When does she get to relax? Has she gotten any time off since the twins were born? Have you offered to take care of your own kids for the weekend so she can have some time to herself? I’m guessing no. And that’s not even what she’s asking for. She’s asking for a small token from you so that she can feel appreciated, not a diamond necklace or a new car. She literally asked for a chocolate bar. A chocolate bar. Why do you care so little for your wife that this is asking too much?”
This post has over 2k comments, you can read them all on Reddit here.
Our Take
YTA. Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t “a job.” It’s a lifestyle, and it’s incredibly challenging. This husband does not appreciate his wife, and he needs to. We hope he learns from all of the comments and doesn’t make his wife feel like this anymore.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this husband’s story? Talk to us in the comments below!
Source: Reddit – AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?
