In a recent Reddit post, a woman confessed to accusing her ex-husband of cheating. She thought he (her 38-year-old husband) was cheating on her with a woman who lived down the street, Jen, 30F. She confronted him about it, and although she didn’t outright accuse him of cheating, she was still angry that she felt like he was hiding something from her. She apologized when she found out he was working an extra hour to surprise her with a new house on her anniversary. However, what happened next is so strange you have to read it to find out what happened and share your thoughts about it.
The Story:
“I’m 39f. My recently ex- husband is 38m. We were married for ten years before divorcing last year. I accused him of cheating on me, I didn’t believe when he told me he was working longer shifts at work since we still always seemed tight on cash, I thought he was cheating on me with a woman who lived down the street, Jen, 30f, since I saw she was on his recent calls quite a few times, both phone calls/video calls, and I saw her name pop up multiple times sending him texts throughout the week, but my husband doesn’t keep texts from anyone so I didn’t know what they were.
I confronted him about it and although I didn’t outright accuse him of cheating I was definitely angry about feeling like he was hiding something from me, and made that clear.
As it turned out, he was working extra hours and putting the money into a separate account to surprise me with a groundbreaking for an extension on our house on the ten year anniversary of us buying it. The conversations with the Jen were him coordinating with her watching the kids while both of us were working while the daycare was closed (when he picked up extra weekend shifts) and the phone calls/video calls were him checking on the kids. He was able to verify all of this with bank account records, emails to and from the builder, and screenshots of the messages between her and him from her end of the conversation. I apologized to him for not believing him, but at this point he said he couldn’t believe that I would ever think he was cheating on me. He said he felt incredibly hurt and said that he would never think something like that about me, and that he never would’ve assumed the worst about me. He asked for space so we first went to living in separate bedrooms, then after a bit he moved into the basement, the entire time he was acting strange and distant and like a stranger to me, only acting normal around the kids.
After a few weeks of that he officially asked for a divorce. I asked if we could do couples therapy first, and he said that there was no point since I didn’t trust him, but eventually he agreed, we went to one session and he admitted that him realizing I had no faith in him after he was working so hard for our family really hurt his self confidence and he didn’t think it was something he could repair while he was still with me, and he again asked for a divorce.
He bought me out of my half of the house, which I put towards a small house close by and our kids split their time between us.
I heard that he began dating Jen from my friend, who lives down the street from him. At first my ex insisted that she was still just helping with the kids, but after four months he admitted they were dating, once the extension was done she moved in and yesterday he asked her to marry him.
I’m happy for him but there’s still a part of me that feels shocked and somewhat resentful this all happened. I feel as though it was a happy surprise if he had told me about his plans for the extension none of this would have happened.
ETA someone asked if I knew she was watching my kids- no, I didn’t. I assumed they were at home with my husband while I was working.”
The Responses:
The post received more than 2000 responses, we have collected some of the most interesting ones below:
wehnaje said:
“They’d have to be under 3/4 years old because once kids start talking is a never ending story of absolutely EVERYTHING that happened in their day.
It’s weird they wouldn’t mentioned Jen is she was there so often.
Even if they’ve asked the kids to keep it a secret, kids still at least hint something is going on enough to rise an eyebrow.”
LillithSanguinum commented:
Yes… Like they never talked about the time spent with Jen?
Iluminiele commented:
OP, are your kids just small babies that you don’t see much or are they the best actors ever?
T-money79 said:
“Glad it all worked out.”
gideonspromises commented:
I’m fascinated by the fact that 1) people assume this was the ONE event that ended this marriage. I practiced family law for 15 years. There’s always more to it than that;and 2) that there was no “evidence” of cheating but apparently there are people who assume she was miserable to live with. What evidence is there of that.
In my experience this could just be a marriage that had some very under the surface issues and this was the stick of dynamite, or he was at least part way out the door when this happened.
mcjon77 commented:
“For those of you wondering about how convenient it was that he wound up with jen, it actually makes sense if you look at it from Jen’s perspective.
Here she is, interacting with this guy who seems like the perfect husband. He’s going through all of this trouble just to celebrate his wife’s and his 10-year anniversary of owning a house. He’s doing all of these wonderful things just to make his wife happy. Assuming Jen is single at 30, she’s going to notice those things. Those traits in your husband are going to start looking super super attractive.
Then when you basically accuse him of cheating, your husband’s going to be devastated. Since Jen had so much involvement regarding the planning and execution of your would-be anniversary gift, it makes perfect sense that he talks to her about what happened and perhaps relies on her for some emotional support.
Once he got divorced, she was ready to make her move, and why wouldn’t she? Why bother trying to find a different guy who has all of these wonderful traits that she knows you’re now ex-husband has? She would have been a fool not to. At 30 years old, she knows that guys like your husband are really rare.”
This post has over 2000 comments, you can read them on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What are your thoughts on the story of this woman? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Source: Reddit
Something is fishy that they ended up together anyway. Great thing you both got divorced they most likely were attracted to one another the whole time.
Maybe it’ll teach you to get the facts first, before making assumptions. It’s no good feeling all resentful. You made your bed now you have to lie in it. Think about how you would feel if he accused you of cheating when you weren’t. Sorry, no sympathy.
I think she got manipulated. The feelings for Jen WERE there. He used the excuse of not being trusted to distance himself from his wife so as to excuse himself for getting the divorce! And he STILL redid the house for JEN!! I’d be furious!
My bet… they WERE indeed interested in one another. Not a coincidence they married so quickly. Trust doesn’t deteriorate that quickly… not to mention, if he was going through all of that to build an addition, secretly, you had valid reason to question his absence. But once you understood, you believed him. He couldn’t forgive you… WHY? Because his heart had already strayed to Jen. Believe me… If he really truly loved you, he’d have moved forward with you… rather than leaving you in the dust over a misunderstanding. Your questioning him is valid, especially with all the time he spent away and the phone/video logs. Once things stacked up, you let it go. He didn’t, and he let you go… for her.
Sounds like your explanation and reply is rooted in a fairy tale. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is, once you accuse another person you are very close with, of the very worst type of deceit and betrayal, regardless of truth or not, trust is lost. Words matter and even greater, feelings matter. That type of verbal accusation and belief is near impossible to walk back when directed at a family member, close friend and especially a spouse. The accusations were based on a feeling of the first wife, not actual facts. She somehow let herself believe that a betrayal was amiss, when that was not the case. She believed the very worst of her spouse without the actual facts. That says more about her, than about him.
Think about it.
If you accused any or all of the people very close to you, how many of those people would stay close with you after making such an accusation about their character that was not true?
What I find the most odd is that Jen was watching the kids and the mom had no idea. Did he not discuss this with her before hand? Did it never come up in conversation? Because of that, I’m wondering if something actually was going on before hand. Could of been a mutual attraction that wasn’t being acted on.
You’re a POS abs deserve zero sympathy.
Where there is smoke there is 🔥. He was already emotionally involved with Jen prior. There are several forms of affairs. One of them is emotional, that what her husband was having with Jen, an emotional affair!
Even if it was me, I would feel disappointed, and hurt for being false accused, but that won’t give me a reason to part ways.
If he had Jen watching your babies that’s something her should have discussed with you before hands, some secrets destroy a marriage,you had every right to feel what you felted,you are human,Nobody is perfect when he told you what he was doing he was supposed to forgive you I’m pretty sure you’ve forgiven him for numerous things,common sense would Mae anyone think what you thought, He’s going to reap what he sowed, keep your head up and don’t feel bad about questioning him
I would have brought it up as well. If something seems off in your relationship you have a right to get clarity. It seems he was a bit dramatic, that would be like him asking if you were seeing a coworker if you worked late a lot all of a sudden and his name kept coming up and instead of clearing things up you just put his stuff outside. It seems odd that her watching the kids was never brought up and His and Jen’s relationship seemed to take flight so quickly. I have kids and I wouldn’t move someone in that quick for sure.
He was already half way out the door when this happened girl! Just work on yourself and your kids! Attend therapy and get help in sorting your emotions if you feel the need to. He gave you a reason to be insecure and you confronted him..hell the people preaching how you lost his trust would do the same thing if they were in your shoes…people use their brains more when it doesn’t involve them directly but when faced with it, it’s heart and emotions over logic.