You probably already know this about me but I’m still going to say it anyway. I really find it difficult to trust people. I am always just assuming that the people I meet in this life are out to hurt me. I always get the feeling that I’m setting myself up for disappointment by allowing people into my life. I am scared of people hurting me the moment that I decide to trust them. I assume that everyone just wants to break my heart; that they are eventually going to get bored of me. I just naturally assume that the people I trust are eventually going to betray me. And that’s why I’m warning you right now: I will choose to trust you, but you better make sure that you don’t just play around with me.
I am so terrified of the idea of committing to a person only to have them cheat on me when we start to get really deep into the relationship. But I don’t want to end up as the crazy paranoid girlfriend either. I don’t want to be the girl who keeps on trying to access her boyfriend’s phone messages and emails. I don’t want to be the kind of girl who has a million questions for her man every time he wants to go out without her. I don’t want to be the kind of girl whose insecurities get the best of her to the point that she actually loses her dignity and sense of pride. I don’t want to be the kind of girl who is constantly living a life of fear and anxiety whenever her man is out and about. That’s the real reason why I like to maintain my distance with a lot of the people that I meet. That is why I tend to avoid jumping right into relationships without first testing the waters. That’s why I always try my best to stay cautious. I always look to question all of the men who try to date me. Why would they ever be interested in me? Are they serious about wanting to be with me or are they just trying to play around? Would I be able to live up to their expectations and needs? Or are they eventually going to get bored of me and have their eyes wander and check out their other options? Are they eventually going to end up cheating on me when the passion and excitement in the relationship start to die down?
Of course, I don’t want to sound like a real pessimist. But I just can’t help it. I have a tendency to assume the worst. I always expect the worst in people. I just assume that people are inherently selfish and that it’s every man or woman for themselves. I assume that most people just act recklessly without taking into consideration the feelings of other people. I really have a difficult time believing that someone would be willing to commit to me and just me; that they would be willing to stay faithful to me throughout the duration of the entire relationship.
I really don’t like to trust people all too often. That practically goes without saying. So, that is why, if I choose to let you into my heart, then you better treat me right. You better make sure that you don’t screw me over. You better make sure that you don’t betray the hard-earned trust that I will give you. You better prove ALL of my doubts wrong. You better not kill what is left of my hopes and dreams.
I know that you have had your past mistakes. I know that you aren’t a perfect human being. I know that you haven’t always been your best in your previous relationships. You might not have been the best boyfriend in the past to all of the other girls that you’ve been with. I know that I’m not the only woman that you have had in your life. But that’s okay. I don’t really care about all the women that you have been with. I don’t care about the women that you may have loved in your past. I don’t care about everyone who was there before me – I just care that there’s nobody else during me. I don’t really care about who was your first. I just want to make sure that I’m your last.
So, you should know that if you ever betray my trust, you are never going to be able to regain it. If you break my heart, you will drive me away and you will never see me again. You should know that you only get one chance. You better not waste it.