Despite how hard I made it for you, you still stayed.
A lot of people always say that you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can really fall in love with you. That’s a load of lies. I know firsthand that that isn’t true. I managed to find a person to love me despite the fact that I could never love myself. And I consider myself extremely lucky for having the opportunity to have someone love me the way that I always wanted to be loved this was the kind of love that saved me. This was the kind of love that helped lift me up from the dark hole that I thought I would never get out of.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never find a person to love me the way that I deserve to be loved. All of the relationships that I got into never gave me the kind of satisfaction that I needed. None of the people I dated ever gave me the kind of fulfillment that I need to feel good about myself. In all of these failed relationships that I was in, it seemed as if I was the common link. It was like I was always the problem. I thought that I could never be loved because of who I was. Perhaps I was never deserving of love.
Or maybe love was a lie. But I knew that couldn’t be true. I could see love in all of the people around me. I could see all of my friends falling in love. I could see my family falling in love. So why was it that love always continued to elude me? Was I really a terrible human being that love just didn’t want to make its way into my life?
These were the kinds of thoughts that plagued my mind day in and day out. I learned to hate myself. I knew that I was the problem that there was something wrong with me and that was why I could never find success in love. I knew that somehow, I was the one who needed fixing, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. My confidence started to dwindle. My belief in myself was deteriorating. I was gradually starting to just believe that I had no value in life and that I brought nothing good into this world. I thought that if no one else could ever love me, why would I ever want to love myself?
It was almost destructive, the abyss that I let myself fall into. I stopped taking care of myself. I had a very dim view of reality and I didn’t want to see the wonders of what life had to offer. I hated who I was and I grew to believe that I didn’t deserve the nice things that this world had to give. I almost let myself go completely and I am fairly certain that I would have eventually imploded had you not come along.
You were a sudden ray of sunshine in this dark and scary world. You saw me on the precipice of despair and you helped pull me back to safety and I know that that was no easy feat. I was a struggle to be with. I was a complete mess. I tried to push you away, thinking that I wasn’t deserving of your help. I was also frightened that you were just going to be another person who was looking for a reason to hurt me; to get my hopes up only to leave me in the end. But it turns out, you weren’t.
Despite how hard I made it for you, you still stayed. No matter how much I tried to push you away, you still stayed. You chose to stick with me through all the bad times and it confused me. At first, I thought you were crazy. But then, you started to open yourself up to me and little by little, I began to see your true colors. I gradually grew to discover the kind of person you truly were and it was a very scary and exhilarating moment for me.
The truth started to reveal itself to me and it was this: you were falling in love with me at a time when I couldn’t even love myself. And because of that, I started to fall in love with you as well. I started to realize that your intentions were pure and that you genuinely cared about me. You loved me even though I had practically given up on the whole idea of love and relationships. You wanted to be with me even when I didn’t want to be with myself. You took care of me even when I stopped caring about the world. You were there for me when no one else was and I truly love you for that. This journey made me realize the importance of learning to love myself deeply. It became clear that I needed to prioritize my own well-being in order to fully embrace the love you offered me. With each moment spent together, I found strength in your support, motivating me to embark on a path of self-acceptance. As we navigated our emotional journeys in personal relationships, I began to understand the depth of the connection we shared. Each moment spent together reinforced the bond that was forming, revealing layers of vulnerability that I had long kept hidden. Your unwavering support showed me that love could thrive even amidst uncertainty and fear.
