My time is valuable, too.
It sincerely isn’t going to be a big deal for me to be the one who actually tries to make the first move. I really have no problem with being the one who has to put on a brave face. I am perfectly fine with being the one in the relationship who is always trying to get the conversation flowing. I’ve accepted that to be my role in this relationship. I have no problems with being the one who exerts extra effort into trying to make whatever it is that we have work. But you’re just going to have to give me more than mere silent responses. You don’t have to meet me halfway, but you have to meet me at some point. I can’t keep being the one who is giving all the effort and you just sit there doing nothing. Throw me a bone every once in a while.
I’m not hesitant when it comes to being the one who has to reach out and ask about your life. I don’t mind being the one who is vulnerable in the relationship. I don’t care that I have to be the one who tells you that I miss you constantly and that I always wish you were by my side. But you already know that, don’t you? You’re not entirely stupid. It would be weird for you to not notice everything that I do for us for this relationship. Of course you notice. I have been putting so much work into this relationship for so long and it’s downright impossible if you didn’t notice that. I always made sure that you would notice. But that’s just the problem. It was a lot of work on my part, but I was practically getting nothing out of you. All of the hard work that I poured into this relationship seemed to always meet some sort of dead end. I did so many things for you, but you never did anything for me. And I think this is where I have to say that enough is enough. This is probably where I have to draw the line.
I’m just going to have to put a lid on it. I’m going to have to stop what I’m doing. I can’t keep doing this to myself anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to love you. It’s just that I can’t keep allowing myself to give my everything to you when you just refuse to give anything back. I send you all of these text messages in the hopes that I can somehow brighten up your day. But then you take so long to reply sometimes you never even reply at all. You are essentially telling me that my time doesn’t matter to you. You are telling me that you are willing to have me wait for you forever. You are telling me that I am not worth your time and effort. And I can’t allow myself to be treated like that by someone who I love so much. I still want to, but I just can’t let myself do it anymore.
I have spent many countless hours just staring at my phone screen waiting for it to light up. I wish to see your name on my screen, because I know that would give me endless joy. That would make me know that maybe you do care, and that maybe what we have really is something that is worth fighting for. But I never got that. You never gave me that certainty that I so desperately needed. You never gave me closure. I always found myself trying to imagine what you were doing or how you were feeling at any given moment. But in those times, I was sure that you were never thinking of me. You never gave me a reason to think otherwise. I got overexcited a little too much whenever my phone beeped because I would get my hopes up. I thought to myself, that perhaps you would give me a little something to smile about. But you never did. I never smiled. And that’s why I have to stop what I’m doing to myself to stop letting you do this to me the way that you do.
I doubt you are ever going to feel the way that I feel about you and that’s really why I have to walk away. I can’t let myself settle for anything less than what I’m actually willing to give. You were a great aspiration for me to have, but you remained just that, something that I was constantly fighting for but never really getting. And so this is my goodbye. I tried so much for us to work out, but I guess not even all the effort and good intentions could ever be enough. I was just never enough for you. And this is why I have to let you go.
