I Know That I May Be Hard To Love, But Please, Be Patient With Me

I’m an overthinker. And I know that makes me very difficult to love. But I hope that you can still find the patience to try with me. I promise that I’m going to make it worth your while. I’m the type of person that if you text me something, I would pore over every single detail of that message until my brain starts to hurt.

I would try to extract as much as I can from that text message. I will try to find whatever meaning may lay behind it even though you might not have necessarily placed any meaning there at all. You might muster up the courage to tell me that you love me and I’m still going to read into it as much as I can. I will try to think about your choice of words and whether or not you really meant what you just said. That’s just the kind of person I am and I genuinely hope that you can bear with it.

Sometimes, I just wish that I could have the abilities to read other peoples’ minds. That would really save me from a lot of stress, worry, anxiety, and trouble. It just drives me crazy not being able to figure people out for real. I hate uncertainty and it really doesn’t sit well with me. I always hate it whenever I feel like I’m not getting the full picture.

I hate it whenever I don’t fully grasp the gravity of the situation that I’m in. I hate it whenever I feel like I haven’t gotten all the answers yet. And I know that it can be stressful for a lot of other people as well – but that’s just the way that it is.

And I know that my overthinking isn’t just affecting me and the way that I live my life. I know that it really affects those around me as well – particularly, the people like you who are looking to get close to me. I know that somehow, my overthinking can make it difficult for you to bridge the gap between the two of us. I might be hurting you. I might be causing you pain and inconvenience. I might be driving you farther and farther away from me. But I hope that that’s not the case. I hope that you can find it in yourself to stay patient.

I hope that you can somehow stay with me in spite of how difficult I’m making it for you. Please believe me that it isn’t my intention to stir things up like this. I don’t want to be causing any unnecessary drama. I don’t want to be starting fights with you. This is just a defense mechanism that I’ve somehow set up for myself. You see, I have been hurt in the past. And this is my way of making sure that I never get hurt again. I don’t want to put myself in a position to experience that kind of pain ever again. I don’t want to get blindsided by anything anymore.

I want to be aware of any potential red flags. I want to gain a better perspective on everything.  I want to make sure that I have a heightened sense of awareness so that I can sniff out some potential weak points. I always want to make sure that I am prepared for anything that I might have to face in our relationship. And this is my way of doing my own due diligence. That is precisely why I like to take real notice of all the little things.

That’s why I never let the small details pass me by. I’m going to analyze and scrutinize all the minor shifts and inconsistencies that you may be having with the tone of your voice or with your body language. I’m going to read into your choice of words whenever you talk to me. I’m going to look at your facial expressions whenever I try to bring something up during a conversation. This is my way of getting to know you better; of making sure that you won’t end up as someone who is only going to hurt me in the long run.

Granted, I know that I’m coming off as extra weird in your eyes. I know it. I don’t blame you for thinking that way. But you have to know that I just can’t help it. That is part of who I am. And all I ever really ask of you is that you stay patient with me. I just ask that you stay with me in spite of how difficult I’m making it for you. Because once I’m past that point of not being able to trust you completely, I’ll be all yours. And that’s when you’ll know that I’m worth your while.

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