Hey Relationship Rules, my husband and I have been together for a year. We dated for about 3 years before that and things were good. I recently found out that he’s been having an affair with his office co-worker. It started when I noticed him using his phone to “text work people” more than usual, even late at night. Then I saw one of the messages from his colleague, it was intimate and romantic – I shuddered. This revelation has brought to light the intimacy challenges in relationships that can arise when trust is broken. It makes me question whether we ever really knew each other deeply. Now, I find myself grappling with feelings of betrayal and uncertainty about our future together.
I confronted him about it and he told me it was nothing and his “friend” is just being funny. I’m not okay with his explanation and don’t think I can live with him anymore. We are living together but I stay out of his way, we sleep in separate beds now and I pay attention to my work and routine and don’t want to go on with him.
I just simply don’t want to share the rest of my life with someone I can’t trust. I’ve told him I want a divorce. My friends and family are calling me immature and are saying I should give him a chance. They tell me things like “marriage is give and take” etc. What should I do? I’m so lost. Please help. his husband’s refusal to acknowledge marriage has left her feeling even more isolated. She wonders how she can begin to heal when his denial undermines the very foundation of their relationship. It’s hard to envision a future when the person who should support her is the one causing her the most pain.
Our Response
Dear Anonymous, we think you should trust your instincts on this one. When we start mistrusting someone and they don’t give us any concrete reasons to think otherwise, we are building up on a very relationship built on a very weak foundation. His lack of responses and effort to put your mind at ease are major red flags that this wasn’t “funny” and it’s going to continue happening. We generally tell couples to get therapy but this one is crystal clear. Your heart is not going to be able to trust him again. We suggest you listen to your heart and move to greener pastures.
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