This is my heartfelt apology to you and I hope that you can forgive me.
This is a mistake that I have been making over and over again in my life and I’m desperately trying to correct it before I cause any more damage to our relationship. I have a tendency to be selfish in a relationship. I am selfish in the sense that I am always focusing on what it is that I can bring to the table; I’m always thinking about how I can make the relationship better; I’m too engrossed in the things that I’m doing for you and all of the effort that I put in, I end up failing to notice and appreciate all the things that you’re doing. With everything that I brought into the relationship, I unknowingly put so much pressure on you to match my intensity even when I didn’t want you to. I unknowingly forced you to step up to a level that you weren’t comfortable with going to and that’s completely my fault. I enforced so many of my own expectations on you and on the relationship, I ended up not recognizing the expectations that you had from me and from us. I was too caught up in romanticizing our love for my own pleasure, I completely forgot to pay attention to your needs and your ideals. I have to stop forcing you to become a person you’re not comfortable with being; because YOU’RE the person I fell in love with, not the person that my subconscious wants you to be. I have no right to be mad at you for not being appreciative of my efforts when I constantly fail to do the same for you.
I want to apologize for causing you so much pain. And I want to apologize even more for not noticing it sooner. I want to apologize for pressuring you to turn yourself into this idealized version of a partner that I concocted in my own brain. I had no right to put that kind of pressure on you and you shouldn’t have felt compelled to live up to my unreasonable standards. I want to apologize for telling you that I love you while simultaneously telling you that I wish you would become a better version of yourself. That was hypocritical of me and I need to stop it. I can’t love you for who you are and hope that you change at the same time. I want to apologize for never fully appreciating you for the person that you were; the person that you are. You are more than enough and I am going to always be grateful for you being you. I want to apologize for thinking that I was making it very easy for you to love me when in truth, I made it harder and harder for you every day. I want to apologize for thinking that I was the generous one in the relationship even when I was the one who was always being selfish and deluded. I dreamed too much and I let my dreams blind me from reality, and it ended up hurting the both of us in the end.
This is my heartfelt apology to you and I hope that you can forgive me; or at the very least, understand why things turned out the way that they did. I deeply regret how I acted in this relationship and I only have myself to blame for the wedge that has been driven between us. And despite the fact that a future for us seems dark and unsure, know that I still cling to the hope that you somehow find it in yourself to give us another try. I hope that you can be sure that I now know where I went wrong and I am sincere in my efforts to try to become a better person. I hope that you can believe me when I say that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things work between us. I hope that you can believe that I am not just saying all of these things out of guilt or out of some selfish agenda. I have no agenda. I just felt like this is something that you needed to hear from me.
And even if things don’t work out for us anymore, that’s fine. I made my bed and I’m going to have to sleep in it. I genuinely wish you a life of happiness whether or not that’s a life with me in it. I genuinely wish that you find the love that I never could give you. I genuinely wish that you get the appreciation that you so desperately needed from me and which I idiotically withheld from you. I hope you eventually find everything that you were looking for, but never managed to find with me.
