She isn’t going to read your mind.
She’s just there sitting passively. She’s waiting for you. She doesn’t want to come off as too aggressive and so she doesn’t want to pressure you into talking to her. But it kills her inside knowing that you haven’t made an effort to get in touch with her for the whole day. It has her worried. She doesn’t know if you’re busy or if you’re somehow upset with her. She overthinks the situation and she will try to figure out where she could have gone wrong.
She gives in because she can’t take the pressure anymore. She decides to text you and ask you how you’re doing. But then you don’t reply. She gets even more anxious. She gets even more worried. She gets even more stressed. And then you finally decide to reply after letting her stew in her own anxiety. You tell her that you were only waiting for her to send the first message and that you had plenty of things that you needed to take care of throughout the day. She wants to rip her hair out of her head at this point. She hates how she always has to be the one who has to initiate the talks with you. She hates how it’s always her who has to put in the effort. She hates how it’s always her who has to make the first move. She hates how you are always too busy to just talk to her or give her a simple reply.
She doesn’t understand that she doesn’t always have to be the one who puts in all of the work in the relationship. She fails to see that she doesn’t always have to be the one who has to exert so much effort in your relationship. She is always fighting to become an important part in your life; to actually become someone you genuinely care about. But you always just choose to throw all thoughts of her out the window. She doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to fight so hard to feel included in your life. If you really wanted her to be with you, then you would also be making it a point to keep her there. You are the one who should be making all the efforts to make her feel safe and secure in your arms.
Remember that a relationship is always going to be give and take. It’s composed of two people who are coexisting alongside one another. It’s two people who are trying their best to promote harmony and balance in their relationship. It should never be one-sided. It should never be a parasitic or toxic kind of atmosphere. An ideal relationship is far from the one that you have managed to form with your indifference and nonchalant attitude. You always managed to make her feel excluded and unimportant even though you should have been doing the opposite.
She would always tell you that it’s okay. She would always tell you that she understands that you have got plenty of things on your plate. But you should know that deep down, she was hurting so much. Your carelessness led her to feeling insignificant in your life. It cut her so deep but she didn’t want to come off as needy and so she never told you. She event went on to ask you how she could make things easier for you even though things were already pretty hard on her.
This went on for a while. And as she grew older, she grew wiser. She learned that maybe she wasn’t the issue in the relationship. Maybe it wasn’t her who needed to change. She grew to understand that you were the source of all the problems in this relationship. It was you who wasn’t living up to expectations. It was you who never gave the effort that was necessary to sustain the relationship. It was you who failed to make her feel safe, secure, and comfortable about being with you. It was you who was lacking, not her. It was you who was messing things up, not her. It was you who needed to be fixed, not her. You were causing all of the destruction and toxicity in the relationship.
Loving another person should never have to feel like some sort of chore. It should always be natural. Not to say that it’s going to be easy. Love is always going to be difficult; but it’s a difficulty that one should always be willing to endure. But you make love so difficult to the point where it’s hard to tolerate. You made her question everything she thought about love. You made her question everything she felt about you. And in the end, you were the one who ended up losing her and you know it. You let her go by being withholding and careless.
