It’s not actually all that rare for people in relationships to still have some feelings towards their exes. Sometimes, these feelings might be profound and other times they might be very insignificant. And there can be very many reasons as to why someone would still feel certain things towards an ex.
These feelings can be positive, negative, threatening, trivial, immaterial, or important. It can be very taboo for a lot of couples to broach the topic of exes. There are some couples who feel completely comfortable and at ease with just talking about old flames.
But it’s very rare where two people in a current relationship really open up and go into detail about previous relationships. However, the truth persists that there are a lot of people who remain friends with an ex even when they’re in new relationships. But that shouldn’t necessarily be a problem as per Bethany Ricciardi, a relationship expert, and sex educator.
“It’s normal for some people to still be friends with an ex,” says Ricciardi. Sometimes, your partner might even still hang out with their ex. And so as long as everyone is cool with that arrangement, then there really shouldn’t be any problem or issue there. It’s all about boundaries, trust, and responsibility.
However, there will always be certain complicated scenarios that involve exes and new relationships. It can sometimes get to a point wherein your partner becomes too attached to an ex to the point that it is actually compromising the strength of your current relationship.
And whenever that is the case, it’s always important that you are able to speak up and voice your sentiments to your partner. You need to establish some boundaries and ground rules so that the two of you are on the same page.
Feelings towards exes are always sensitive and it’s important that the two of you are able to talk things out so that you are able to hold one another accountable.
It should be fine if your partner still wants to remain friendly or cordial with an ex. However, you don’t want them to be crossing that line. You don’t want to be impeding on their freedom but you want to be staying vigilant too.
For the sake of your relationship and your dignity, you don’t want to be putting yourself in the position of being played by your partner and their ex. If you notice that your partner still says these 10 things, then it’s likely that they might still care about their exes.
1. They say that they’re going to do a little favor for their ex.
It’s really weird for exes to be doing favors for exes in the first place. This is definitely a cause for alarm.
2. They refer to their ex by name instead of “my ex”.
Whenever they use their ex’s name instead of “my ex”, it actually humanizes them. And that might not be a good sign for you.
3. They talk about their ex’s social media activity.
Why is your partner even interested about what their ex is doing on social media anyway? And more importantly, why do they think that you would care about it?
4. They exhibit a kind of sadness whenever their ex has a flourishing love life.
They are clearly sad whenever they see that their ex is moving on romantically.
5. They claim that they’re nervous about running into an ex.
Why would your partner be nervous about running into an ex if they don’t have feelings towards them anymore?
6. They actually compare you to an ex.
This is just plain insulting and disrespectful. They shouldn’t even be comparing you to anyone in the first place. But it’s especially insulting that they compare you to an ex.
7. They complain about their ex.
This is a common ploy that partners use to make it seem like they’re completely over their exes. But you will be able to tell that they’re trying to mask something.
8. They tell you a lot of anecdotes and stories about their ex.
You would want to know a lot about your partner’s life. However, that doesn’t mean that you would want to hear certain anecdotes and stories that are all about her old love life. That’s not what you signed up for, right?
There’s just no getting around it. Talking about exes can be very awkward and nerve-wracking for any couple in a relationship. But sometimes, it’s necessary. It’s necessary because you need to be able to set those boundaries in your relationship.
Also, your ex is going to play a part in who you become as a person. That means that your partner is the way that they are partly because of their ex. And you have to be able to accept that and move forward. You just have to find a way to have a mature conversation about it as a couple.