If Your Still-Married Boyfriend Asked You to Pay for His Divorce, What Would You Do?

Many people in relationships will go through their fair share of struggles and challenges. For some of the luckier ones, they can overcome these hurdles on their own without the need of any outside help. But for others, it’s almost impossible to try to fix the problems in a relationship without seeking the advice of others.

That’s exactly where people like Morgan Absher come in. She’s an occupational therapist who is based in Los Angeles and gives relationship advice on her podcast and online blog. Absher has encountered many different relationship struggles, ranging from tiny squabbles to more severe issues. But there’s one case in particular that really caught the public’s attention.

A Curious Case

In an article that she published on USA Today, Absher wrote about a curious and messy case involving a 39-year-old lady, her 33-year-old boyfriend… and his wife. Readers write to Absher about the problems in their relationships and ask her for advice. And for this particular case, things were relatively messier than usual.

She wrote:

“We have been together for five years. There are a few things I can’t handle and have voiced my opinion on, but I get called crazy or just get ignored. Communication for us has been minimal for the past two years or so,”

“He is still married to his ex. While he has promised a divorce, he refuses to get one now unless I pay for it. He and I are intimate three times a month and only when he wants to. He doesn’t compliment or acknowledge any of my social media posts or things I send directly to him (like racy pictures)… Am I wrong for being mad?”

Reality Check

Absher didn’t shy away from being candid in her response to the person who posed the question.

“You’re not wrong for being mad, but my real question is why are you staying with a partner who isn’t meeting any of your basic relationship needs… The fact that he isn’t actively pursuing his divorce himself is a pretty big red flag for me. Why is he comfortable being married to his ex?”

Absher empathized with the reader and shared her frustrations with her boyfriend’s lack of effort in the relationship. But she didn’t hesitate to give her reader a reality check either.

“If he’s been unwilling to hear you out for the past two years, unfortunately, I don’t think this is changing any time soon… Based on your story, this relationship does not seem like one that is promoting a safe, happy, healthy environment for you.”

Share Your Thoughts

What do you think about the lady’s case? What would you do if you were in her position? And what do you think about Absher’s response? Feel free to comment your thoughts in the comment section below.


USA Today

  1. Come on, let me date you since he’s not ready to love you 🥰 I’m single, message me then we can chat on

  2. from some one who has been living in a c/l relationship for 40 years, and still legally married to my first hubby, this man has no intentions of marrying you. the main reason i have never persued a divorce as i figured i made that mistake once i am not going there again.my wedding was no where near a dream wedding .. and have certain expectations. dont pay for his prior mistake .. and dont make one of your own by thinking he wants more than he has already offered.

  3. It appears only one of them sees this as a long term relationship. It is not him. He is not divorced because it gives him a safety net from her. He does not have to fully commit to her as long as he is married. He likes it that way. Other wise he would have filed for divorced. She is wasting her life on a dead end dude.

  4. Relationship is unhealthy, may be he still loves is present wife. If i wre u give them chance, and move on in ur life better and promising person will come in ur life. DONT TAKE ME WRONG BUT I BEST FOR U. TAKE.

  5. Don’t waste your time to the man who selfish thinking for their own happiness only and not yours …you can meet other man who willing to live you and love you and a singleman 🥰

  6. I’m the unofficial ex wife (of over 10yrs separated) we have both moved on but his gf has the issue. Neither of us plan to remarry anytime soon or have the money to file for divorce. Our kids are grown and really, until it’s needed, we just haven’t filed. No other reason besides laziness and lack of money but no desire to get back together.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts