You’re probably lying awake in your bed. There are a million things that are running through your brain as you listen to the violent howls of the wind and the subtle drops of the rain on your window. You have told yourself in the past that you shouldn’t be catching yourself in melancholic scenarios like this anymore. But you think to yourself that this is a special case. Just this once, you are going to allow yourself to be vulnerable and weak. You are going to permit yourself to just be human you are going to let the sadness and the vulnerability just flow through you. You are choosing to acknowledge the huge void that is in your life because of a particular person’s absence.
Recently, you have come to the realization that most of it was ultimately your fault. It was due to your shortcomings and your mistakes that the relationship eventually just fell apart. You recognize your role in the breakup and you accept full responsibility. You know that you’re to blame and you no longer deny it. You’ve come to accept that this is on you.
Throughout the entire stretch of the relationship, you were acting selfish. It was all about you. You always found a way to make yourself the center of attention in the relationship. You were always so conceited and self-obsessed. You were only ever really looking out for yourself. You were so immature and you felt entitled to absolutely everything. Frankly, you didn’t deserve to have someone love you that way that you were loved. Your partner was always kind and patient with you. And you just talk all of that for granted. You never really gave your partner the kind of gratitude and validation that was necessary from you. You never really cared to meet your partner halfway and that’s why you’re alone now.
The way you guys ended things was an absolute catastrophic tragedy. You deliberately broke your partner’s heart and you were fully aware of the effect of your actions. You know now that that wasn’t the right thing to do. You now understand just how terrible of a human being you were at the time. You’re feeling sorry but you just know that not even all of the apologies in the world will be enough to undo what you did. But your apologetic nature now isn’t just about the result of you feeling guilty about the whole situation. It’s also the result of you genuinely wanting your partner back. And you know you can’t do that until you at least make an effort to repair old wounds.
You wish you could go back to that particular moment when you chose to break things off with your partner. You wish you could just freeze that moment and stop yourself from going through with it. You wish you could take all of the words that you chose to unleash from your mouth and swallow them all back in. You wish that you could have fought harder for what you already had. You wish that you could have just put a little more effort into the most valuable thing in your life.
And now, with nothing, you’re left just hoping and wishing. You are hoping that your old flame will give you another chance, another shot at making things work. You want to rejuvenate and breathe a new life into what you killed. You want to take a different road, a better route. You want to make sure that this time, you don’t take things for granted. You are hoping that your story still hasn’t reached its ending. You are hoping that there is another chapter to the narrative. You are now willing to make the sacrifices and compromises that you should have made in the first place. You are now willing to make the necessary adjustments to your personality just to make things work.
But if your old flame is indeed willing to take another risk with you, you better make sure that that risk pays off. If you are privileged enough to actually be given a second chance, make sure that you don’t put yourself in a position to ask for second, third, or fourth chances anymore. If you are lucky enough to be given a second chance, don’t let it go to waste. Make sure that you become the person that you were always supposed to be. Make sure that you appreciate your partner in ways that you should have been doing since the beginning. If you are lucky enough to actually get a second chance, then make sure that you don’t become the reason things don’t work out a second time around. If you are lucky enough to get a second chance, don’t blow it.