I am going to stop checking my phone to see whether you’ve responded to my messages. I’m going to stop waiting on my phone to see if you’re going to call me back. My heart doesn’t skip a beat anymore just because I heard someone say your name. I know I wouldn’t get flustered if I happened to run into you in public.
I no longer feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of you wanting to be with me. I am no longer excited at the thought of your subtle touches and your sweet kisses. I no longer crave for your presence in my life. I think that I’m doing just fine without you. In fact, I’m a lot happier now than I have ever been to. And that’s why I’m not looking to get you back into my life.
There was a time in my life wherein you always managed to make me feel so happy and overjoyed. You always managed to put a lot of joy and meaning into my heart. But then you ended up being the source of all my sorrows. Suddenly, you ended up causing me so much pain. You just completely broke me and you made me feel so alone even when we were together. You hurt me in ways that no one else ever has.
But I eventually healed from my heartbreak. My wounds eventually cauterized and bruised. But they are slowly fading away. I am gradually putting myself back together after you broke me. I decided to just move on and get over it.
I decided that I was deserving of better treatment. I decided that I had had enough of being treated like a constant option and never a priority. I decided that I was done with being taken for granted by someone who didn’t really add much value to my life.
I knew that it was really bad. I just loved you way too much. I let my feelings for you cloud my judgment. I cared too much about making sure that all your needs were being met. But then, no one was really taking care of me. I tried so hard to make you happy that I ended up compromising my own happiness in the process. I just completely lost track of who I was. And I was wrong to let it get to that point.
I let go of all my standards and expectations. I compromised way too much. I allowed you to completely dictate what I was doing with my life. And that was wrong of me. I was mistaken.
You always told me that you loved me but you never really did anything to prove it or show it. You claim that you wanted to be with me but you never really made any effort to stay with me. You said that you would forever hold a place in your heart for me. But I never really felt like I had a place in your heart, to begin with.
I was still hopeful. I still dreamed of you becoming a version of yourself who would make me happy. I dreamed of you eventually grow into the man I deserved to have. I thought that you would eventually mature and that you would just become the person I needed you to be. But you never did change. And you never really showed any signs that you would.
And that’s when I decided that enough was enough. That’s when I decided to just pick up my things and go. That’s when I decided that it was just time for me to move on. But to tell you the truth, that wasn’t easy. It was so hard for me to get over you.
But I eventually did it. I was able to eliminate you from my system entirely. I was able to get rid of you. And it all came easily once I understood that none of it was my fault. I realized that you were the one who is to blame. So in a way, I am somewhat grateful for you. I am happy that I was able to extract a few valuable lessons from my time of being with you. It might have hurt but I am a lot stronger now because of it.
These days, whenever I think about you and the moments we used to share together, I smile. I am happy because even though that was a terrible phase in my life, I know that it’s all over now. And I also know that I am never going to allow myself to be put into that kind of situation ever again.
I now know how to fend for myself and actually demand what I deserve. I am no longer afraid of standing up for myself in love.
That is exactly where I am today.