For any hopeless romantic that might be reading this, you would be happy to know that divorce rates around the United States have dropped significantly to its lowest point in more than 4 decades. On top of that, more and more people are also getting married these days. So, it seems like marriage isn’t such an obsolete social institution after all.
Even though the common notion is that millennials aren’t as excited to get married as previous generations, it turns out that they are just choosing to get married later on in life. And maybe the extra wait is the reason why less and less married couples are getting divorced. Perhaps more and more couples are waiting to be sure about who they marry before they actually tie the knot.
Perhaps you and your partner have reached a point where you are already starting to talk about the idea of marriage. This isn’t necessarily an easy conversation to have. There are just so many things that you need to take into consideration. And you probably know that marriage isn’t just something that you can decide on impulsively. It’s not something that you can just jump into without analyzing all the angles beforehand.
Yes, you can get lost in the excitement of planning your wedding in your head and daydreaming about your future family. But you should still make sure that you stay grounded. Marriage is far from being all good all the time. And if you feel like you need some help preparing, then Relationship Rules can help you with that.
Wendy Strgar, a seasoned relationship expert and the founder of Good Clean Love, has given us some important tips and tricks of the trade. She says that communication is going to be key in determining whether you are ready to take the relationship to the next level. There are just certain conversations that you and your partner need to have before you decide to take things a step further in your relationship.
Think of these conversations as foundations that the two of you can build your future marriage on. Without a solid foundation, you are going to have a very shaky marriage that is vulnerable to failure. Before you decide to tie the knot and commit to staying with one another for the rest of your lives, here are a few conversations that you need to have beforehand:
1. What your collective futures are going to look like.
You need to both get a good sense of what your futures are going to look like. You need to know if you actually share the same dreams and goals. You can’t have a long-term relationship if you are just always living in the present.
2. What your personal values and principles are.
You need to talk about your shared values and principles as individuals. Remember that even though you love one another, you need to make sure that you are both compatible. And part of being compatible is ensuring that your values and principles are reconcilable.
3. How your personal family dynamics are going to look like.
You both have your individual families and your families are likely to play important roles in your life. That is why you need to talk about how you’re going to handle both your families before you get married. You are also marrying each other’s families after all.
4. Your financial status, philosophies, and goals.
You are both going to have to be on the same page with regards to your financial philosophies. You both need to make sure that you share similar philosophies with regards to your finances so that they don’t end up becoming a burden later on in life.
5. What your expectations are with regards to marriage.
And lastly, you both need to talk about your expectations going into your marriage. You need to discuss what both of you hope to gain from it just so you’re on the same page moving forward.
6. How do you go about having these conversations?
“Learning how to communicate with your partner about sensitive topics like the family of origin or even questions about how they see themselves a few years from now takes practice,” says Stragr. And that is precisely why you shouldn’t really kick yourself in the head for not having these conversations right away. It’s going to take you some time to figure out how you’re going to approach these difficult topics in your conversations.
Stragr actually suggests that you practice something that is called Imago therapy – it’s when you repeat something that your partner has said to you. This is to ensure that nothing ever gets lost in translation between the two of you so that you are always on the same page. It’s also absolutely integral that you stay honest and open with one another right from the very start. That’s the only way you will GENUINELY be on the same page in your relationship.
