Interpreting 26 common things that guys say

Men are, in comparison to women by majority, very simple, straight forward and literal creatures. Women on the other hand are deep over thinkers. Men are more prone to the phenomena of linear thinking and avoid complications. They generally sum up what they are feeling in a simple equation where as women process their feelings by applying complex arithmetical formulas where other than the total sum up, logic is to be subtracted, mood has to be added and the complications have to be multiplied.

Chaos follows when men say things with their logic applied to them and women interpret those things using their own logics. So given below is a brief guide to help you interpret some of the basic things that men tend to say. This is meant exclusively for the purpose of avoiding chaos in the future by trans-gender misinterpretations. Thank you!

1. I’m going to call you soon.

Translation: I’m not going to call soon. Maybe later but probably not even then.

2. I don’t care at all.

Translation: I truly don’t care about the choices I have because we’re of course going to end up doing what you want to do anyways, so let’s just cut the crap and go straight to that.

3. She’s nothing more than a friend.

Translation: I’ve never had sex with her although I don’t know if I would like to.

4. It’s all my fault; I apologise.

Translation: I just can’t take this arguing anymore. Congratulations, you won. CanВ we get back to normal now?

5. Not now. Can we talk later?

Translation: Just shut up please.

6. My ex was insane.

Translation: Please, if you’re crazy too, come clean ASAP because i’ll prefer death over going through that again.

7. I was just joking.

Translation: I totally meant it but now that you don’t seem to agree with it, I’m backpedaling.

8. Strippers are gross.

Translation: Of course they’re gross, but I like gross stuff.

9. I swear on my mother that I never watch adult content.

Translation: Please don’t demand to check my search history.

10. You look beautiful.

Translation: Can we get going now or are we going to have another ramp walk?

11. It’s a guy thing.

Translation: You’re probably too dumb to get it anyways not that I was going to explain it to you in the first place.

12. I love you without makeup.

Translation: You actually look beautiful without makeup on

13. You really know how to decide the menu.

Translation: you let me eat the leftovers from your plate. Thank you

14. We need to distance ourselves a bit.

Translation: I want to dump you but I don’t want it to look that way.

15. I’m really tired.

Translation: I’m not in the mood to tolerate your tantrums.

16. Let me give you a backrub.

Translation: Let’s make so many babies tonight that we have to name them with numbers

17. I have commitment phobia.

Translation: let’s just have sex without any strings attached ok? I’m probably not interested in you or her or anyone as my wife anyways

18. Let me cook for you today.

Translation: I’m about to ask you a favor that you wouldn’t have agreed to otherwise.

19. How many guys have you been with before me?

Translation: I wouldn’t like it if your history is long as Taylor Swift’s but I am going to ask you anyways because I’m dumb enough to sabotage our relationship so don’t tell me the truth but lying to me is even worse.

20. I didn’t want to offend you.

Translation: I deliberately avoided telling you because I knew there was going to be drama and crying and exaggeration and my manliness cannot allow any of it. Now let’s make up and make out shall we?

21. We should start working out.

Translation: You’re getting fat and I prefer my food fat-free.

22. I’m not angry at you.

Translation: Well, maybe I am a little angry, but of course it’s entirely your fault.

23. I’m all okay.

Translation: Maybe I’m not, but I don’t need you to be my mommy and I can deal with it on my own. Please stop asking me because the more times you ask if I’m okay the less okay I actually feel.

24. How do you know that person?

Translation: Have you made out with him? Or even worse, have you had sex with him? Because I either feel like he’s my competition or I think that he’s a d-bag and I am genuinely worried about your standards.

25. I really think you’re great.

Translation: You have a smart body and a very smart mind but it’s the body I am really interested in so shall we do the honors or you want to wait till the wedding? Oh but wait! There is no wedding.

26. I love you a lot.

Translation: Wow, I finally want to get married. Maybe.

The next time you hear any of the above you would know what they really mean!