It Was Only When You Left Me When I Learned How To Fall In Love With Myself

In my solitude, I was forced to find myself, and I ended up falling in love with what I found.

It was only after you left me when I really discovered how to fall in love with myself. It’s only now that you’re not here where I’m really starting to pay more attention to the person who is looking back at me in the mirror; and I am honestly liking what I see. Now that you’re no longer here, I don’t feel so much pressure to pool all of my energy into trying to make you happy anymore. Now that you’re no longer here, I don’t have to be constantly putting your own personal happiness above mine. I can finally focus on just making myself happy. I can finally make myself the priority of my own life. I can finally be selfish without feeling guilty about it. I can finally put myself first. And who knew that it would take you leaving me for me to realize all of this. In a way, your abandonment is what led to me finding happiness with myself.

Now that you’re no longer here, I finally start to feel more comfortable with who I really am on the inside. A lot of my usual self-doubt and second-guessing has left me completely the moment that you walked out of my door. Now that you’re not here, I feel completely at ease. I feel a sense of contentment with every fiber of my being. Now that you’re no longer here, I find it a whole lot easier for me to just feel secure about the makeup of my character and my personality. There is no longer anyone here who fuels my insecurities. There is no longer anyone here who just feeds off of my deepest vulnerabilities. No one belittles or demeans me anymore. You’re no longer here to make me feel like less of a person than I really am. You don’t force me to constantly reexamine myself and find potential flaws that anyone might want to capitalize on. Because the truth is that it was only you who was always looking to capitalize on my weaknesses. And now that you’re gone, I feel totally safe and secure. I don’t have to be walking around eggshells constantly anymore. I don’t have to keep on wondering if I’m actually a person of value and worth to you. Because now that you’re gone, I’ve realize that the only person who can really judge me is myself. And I have grown to have a deeper appreciation of who I am because you left me.

Now that you’re gone, I don’t spend my every night just tossing and turning in my bed; thinking of ways to make you happier with me. In fact, I don’t toss and turn at all. I sleep like a baby. I sleep with the kind of comfort and security that comes with a person who is happy with how things are in life. I don’t find myself constantly having to overanalyze every single moment that you and I share together. I don’t have to overthink about the times that I may have said the wrong thing to you. I don’t have to keep stressing over what the fate of our relationship is going to be like anymore. I no longer have to be scared of you eventually just deciding to leave me. And ironically enough, it’s because that you left me that I sleep soundly at night every single night. I no longer have nightmares about us. I only have dreams about what’s in store for me.

Now that you’ve decided to leave me, you have indirectly given me more freedom to be who I’m meant to be. You have given me the time and space to do everything that I want to do. Since you decided to terminate our relationship, all of my other relationships with friends and family have started to flourish. Now that I don’t have to spend so much time on trying to make things work with you, I have more time to actually further my career. I have more time to pursue my dreams and goals. I have the time to actually make things happen for myself. And I don’t have to feel guilty about finding success in life anymore. I won’t have to worry about harming your ego and being a threat to your insecurity.

Now that you’re gone, I can finally come home to a safe and quiet household that is going to welcome me with an aura of comfort and grace. I won’t have to dread coming home to a toxic environment; an environment that reminds me everyday of how worthless I really was. That’s all over now. In my solitude, I was forced to find myself, and I ended up falling in love with what I found. And in truth, I have you to thank for that.

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