There’s no “in-between” when it comes to love.
If you’re not all-in with your love for her, then you shouldn’t be loving her at all. You should just move on and set her free. Let her go. Take your half-love and throw it away because she doesn’t deserve that. If it feels like you have a better life whenever you’re not together, then just walk away from her. Don’t string her along for a mediocre life that the both of you can share. You both deserve so much more than what you give to one another.
And don’t you date think that you’re just being nice by giving her whatever love you have to give her. She doesn’t deserve a half-love. You’re wrong to think that that it’s perfectly okay for you to be loving her in such a half-hearted manner. You’re wrong to think that she deserves that kind of patronization from you.
Don’t just assume that you’re doing her a favor by dragging her around on a leash for you to love whenever it’s convenient for you to do so. You’re not doing her a favor at all. In fact, what you’re doing is a form of emotional abuse whether the both of you are aware of it or not. You’re not making things easier for her by acting and pretending that you love the way that things are even when you don’t. You’re not being nice to her by faking your passion and interest for this love affair. You’re not helping her out by playing the role of a loving boyfriend even when your heart isn’t in the right place. You’re just being plain selfish. You’re only caring about your own sense of guilt. You’re only caring about your own absolution and she just happened to get caught in the crosshairs. If she loves you with all of your heart, and you find yourself unable to sincerely reciprocate those feelings towards her, then you have to let her know about it. You shouldn’t be deceiving her with your lies. At the end of the day, a comforting lie is still a lie and people always deserve the truth; no matter how terrible it might make them feel.
If you don’t feel a strange sense of romantic euphoria whenever you see her face as you wake up beside her in bed, then you should just end the relationship already. If you can’t stand being around her when she’s being difficult to bear, then you’re not really in love with her and you have to end things. If you just can’t get excited about the many successes and achievements that she has for herself in her life, then you don’t love her as much as you should, and you really need to let her know about it. If you’re not appreciative of her flirtatious advances, then you’re not infatuated with her at all, and that’s not how things should be. If you’re not entirely interested in making your partner happy, then you should just do yourself a favor and put the relationship to a stop. She is a human being. She is made up of so many complex things and she deserves to be treated better. She deserves the truth. She doesn’t need you to take pity on her. She doesn’t need you to shield her from the sad reality of the situation. She doesn’t want to get entangled in your web of lies. However flawed she might be, she is still a person who is deserving of a real love the kind of love that you seem incapable of giving her.
It’s not your place to just pick and choose the parts of her to love. She’s not a buffet where you can just bypass the parts that you don’t like. She’s someone who you have to take wholesale. She’s a total package that you have to choose to welcome into your life with arms wide open. And if there’s even a single part of her that you can’t grow to accept, then you really have to let her go. You have to set her on her way.
If you allow her to cling to you even when you don’t love her completely is just plain unfair. You think it would be unfair for you to dump her just because you can’t bring yourself to love her. But you are actually just doing yourselves a disservice by prolonging the inevitable. Because obviously, you are both headed for a breakup anyway. There is no way you would be able to sustain a relationship with someone you’re not completely in love with. And at the end of it all, you will end up only having wasted both of your time.
So just be honest and upfront with her about it. Tell her that you can’t love her the way that she deserves to be loved. And wish her luck in her pursuit for true love. Let her go.