It can be very interesting to think about how a person can mean the whole world to you in a single moment and then eventually, that person can turn into a complete stranger to you as well. It’s weird how a person you love can be a person you eventually have to forget about; a person who you have to force out of your mind completely. It can be weird having to think about the things that you put yourself through to get over losing that person; the many distractions that you have to partake in to blunt yourself from the pain.
It’s always a very complicated dynamic whenever you are forced to let go of a person you once loved. It’s as if the relationship with someone goes full circle. You go from being strangers to friends to lovers and then right back to being strangers again. It’s a vicious cycle that you never thought you would be a part of and yet here you are. But the trouble with that scenario is that you never really stop knowing one another. You never really forget about each other.
You never really erase one another from each other’s lives. But you force yourselves to do so anyway. You have no choice but to try to alter your own memories. You try to rewrite your own history. You try to revise your own story.
When your entire life revolves around a single person for an extended period of time, you can’t just stop making that person your world on a whim. You can’t just say “I want you gone” and expect things to be okay and normal after that. Sure, they might not be in your life in a physical capacity in the way that they used to be. But you feel that there is a presence there despite their physical absence.
You still cling to the feelings you had when you were together. You can’t let go of the many shared memories that have been imprinted unto your mind. They all stay with you. They never really go away no matter how much you try to make them.
You might find yourself walking along the sidewalk that the two of you used to go through as you made your way back home from a date. You might be driving and a song comes on the radio that the two of you used to listen to non-stop. In those moments, you realize that no matter how hard you try, you can’t erase what that person did to you.
You can never really erase the spot in your life that they occupied for so long. You never forget the important dates such as birthdates and first times. You never really forget about the important milestones. You never really look at your supposed anniversaries in the same light ever again. These are never going to be just “regular days” for you for as long as you live. You won’t be able to shake the promises that were made but never kept. You will never really be able to move on even though you know it’s what you have to do to be okay again.
You try to comfort yourself by believing that you can either love someone FOREVER or you just never really loved them in the first place. You want to believe that just because things didn’t work out between the two of you means that your love was invalid after all. You so desperately want to write this person off as a mistake so that you have an excuse to just erase them from your life completely.
However, you also have to come to terms with reality. And the reality is that your love was real. You know that your love was valid. You know that being with this person wasn’t a mistake even though it never worked out for the two of you. You want to convince yourself that it’s okay to abandon this person who is now a stranger – but they aren’t really a stranger to you, huh?
We all start out as strangers before we get into intimate relationships. We make certain decisions and choices in our lives that ultimately dictate our destinies. We find people we have connections with and we try to treasure those connections the best way that we can. But what happens when those connections die out? What happens when those bonds that we worked so hard to build just come apart at the seams?
What happens when the one person who used to be your whole world doesn’t even happen to be in your universe anymore? What happens then? It’s always weird. It’s always unfortunate. It’s always heartbreaking. You never want to have to fall in love with a stranger only for the two of you to end up being strangers again.