There’s something wrong about when we fall in love with people and we take it upon ourselves to try and change who they are. It’s as if the people we fall in love with are broken, and we try to make it our responsibility to fix them. We try to turn them into people that they’re not; and yet, we claim that we’re madly in love with them. And there’s something inherently wrong with that picture. Why do we try to turn the people we’re supposedly in love with into people we want them to be?
Perhaps it’s all because we get so caught up in the idea of falling in love; that fairytale kind of romance with a happy-ever-after kind of narrative. We meet people and we see them as clay just waiting to be molded. We try to shape them into people we can have our idealized relationships with; people who we can have our fairytale romances with. We hold them to unreasonable expectations that are only going to have us feeling cheated and disappointed in the end.
We are so desperate for that feeling; that feeling of falling in love with someone the way that they do in the movies. We look at the fairytale romances that are around us and we measure our own relationships against theirs. We look at the way that other people are in their relationships, and we take the best parts of those relationships and we try to implement them in our own relationships. We fail to understand that all relationships are unique, and we can’t always define our own relationships based on how other people live theirs.
The truth is that you can’t really force anything in love. You can’t really force a person to love you the way that you want them to love you. There’s nothing in love that you can manipulate, control, or bend to your will. There’s nothing in love that you can coerce. Love isn’t something that can be moulded. It’s something that exists, and you can only try to strengthen it. But you can’t make it more than it is.
What you have to know about love is that it comes with intrinsically. It’s part of a person’s essence. Even as younger children, we aren’t really taught about the semantics of what it means to love someone. We just know. It’s natural. It’s inherent. When we are young kids, we cry for the warm embrace of our parents because we want to feel that love. And we aren’t taught to yearn for this embrace. When we cry and we scream out for the comfort of our loved ones, it’s something that we do so instinctively. We don’t really do so because we are told to. We just do so because it’s what seems like the right thing to do. As babies; as infants, we crave for the love, affection, and care from our parents. And it’s the same as we grow older. That feeling of being loved and cared for; we look for it in other people. We crave closeness and intimacy. We crave for that deep emotional connection with a special someone.
Love is something that is wired into our very essence. We are all born craving for love. We are all born with an inherent understanding of what love is, what love looks like, and how it feels like. However, the older we get, we have a tendency to overcomplicate the whole process. We have a tendency to overthink love; and we forget something that is very essential. We end up forgetting something that should be hardwired into our personalities and characters.
Yes, we should always be able to communicate our needs and expectations to those we love. Yes, we shouldn’t be expecting other people to be mind-readers. We should always articulate the way that we want to be treated. However, we also have to put certain reasonable limits to our expectations. We should always be reasonable. We shouldn’t forget that love isn’t really about the flash or the embellishment. Love should be about that raw energy. Love should be about that natural electricity and emotion that two people have with one another.
And you can’t really force people to be the way that you want them to be. You can’t force people to love you the way that you expect them to love you. Again, love isn’t really something that should be forced. Love isn’t something that you can manufacture. Love isn’t something that you can alter or change to suit your own personal tastes. Love is something that is or that isn’t; it’s as simple as that. And when you find the love that is truly right for you, you will understand that. You will really know what it means to be in love; the kind that is raw and pure.