We’ve written a lot on mothers and the challenges they face, but all of our stories have been about mothers who have overcome the difficulties and trials to be happy and content with their babies; today’s story is a bit different – showing how motherhood is different for everyone and is an individual process. It’s about a mom who regrets having a baby and talks about how her baby changed her in every negative way possible.
An anonymous mother asked her question on Mumsnet – one of the largest parental forums where mothers, fathers, and single parents talk about everything from pregnancy to raising children.
Here is what she said in her question, posted on the AIBU subforum:
“If you’re thinking of having a baby – don’t”
“Or do. But be aware it may ruin your life.”
“I love my son more than anything in the world, but I regret having a baby so much. It has absolutely destroyed my physical and mental health, and it’s impossible for me to envisage a time where I will ever be happy again.”
“I used to be a vibrant, interesting, fun person with a great family life and hobbies, purpose and fulfilment. I’m now a shell of my former self, my world is so, so small.”
“If I could hit a button and go back to a time before my son existed, without remembering him or knowing he existed, I would do it without hesitation. I regret having a baby so much and I wish with all my heart and soul I hadn’t done it.”
“My partner is amazing – he does so much for us both, way more than his fair share. But I can see what a burden I am to him by feeling this way and I am so so worried about the toll it takes on him, having to be a parent and also support me through this.”
A Lot of Mothers Came to Support Her, Sharing Their Own Stories
One mother, username R0tational, sent out lots of love and well-wishes:
“He will be more enjoyable when he is older.
Lockdown babies must be sooooo hard.
You need a balance. Will you be back to work soon?
Go back to being yourself and just take him along in a sling where possible. Fit him into your life – dont revolve yours around him!”
“Oh poor you. It sounds like you are feeling terrible at the moment. I just wanted to say that doesn’t sound unfamiliar.”
“I love being a parent, my DD is 2.5 years old and I went through hell and back to get her here but I have definitely had lots of moments where similar thoughts have gone through my mind. I really didn’t enjoy the newborn stage at all. I just wanted to say, I do feel it gets better the older they get.”
AutumnLeafDance sent a hug:
“Hey OP, hang in there! You’ve made it all the way to seven months so well done you! Sleep deprivation is appalling but he’ll hopefully start sleeping through by the ten-month mark and you’ll start to feel much more like your old self. Great if you could get some psychological support lined up soon too. Sending you a big hug ☺️”
This thread has over 500 messages on Mumset, you can read them all here.
Our Message to This Mom
All of our love and support go out to you; please don’t give up and keep trying. According to all of the mothers we’ve personally known, it gets better with time. But before all else, take good care of yourself and don’t feel like you’re a bad mother – you’re definitely not. We hope you find contentment and peace with yourself and your baby!
Any mothers who can comment on what this mom is going through? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.