Question:
I’m in a tough situation. My girlfriend is pregnant, but I don’t want a baby. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she’s not listening to me. I don’t know what to do. On the one hand, I don’t want to force her to have an abortion if that’s not what she wants. But on the other hand, I can’t have a baby right now. I’m not ready for that responsibility. I’m unsure what the right solution is, but I need to figure it out quickly. Otherwise, my life is going to change in a way that I’m not ready for.
Our Response:
Dear anonymous father-to-be, we highly suggest you support your girlfriend and don’t try changing her mind.
If you love her and want to spend your life with her, you should be prepared for anything – especially raising a child together. As her boyfriend, it’s your duty to be supportive without any conditions or stipulations.
A good boyfriend or partner would never ask their partner to do something they don’t want to when they see how much they really want it. Don’t be the kind of boyfriend who runs away at the first sight of responsibility when your girlfriend needs you to stand by her side the most.
Don’t think about yourself, think about both of you. When you decided to date this woman and become intimate with her, you should’ve been prepared for the next steps to take place – backing away from those next steps is not recommended or it just tells us you don’t really love your girlfriend.
We have endless negative stories of women raising their children alone because their partners weren’t ready for change – but change is important and it helps us grow.
Nothing good in life comes easy, a baby is a true blessing and it’s something you need to be excited about and not scared of. We understand that it’s a big step, but relationships require major changes in order to work out and be healthy.
In conclusion, we highly recommend you build up the strength to be a good and supportive boyfriend.
If you let this huge step make you change your mind about your relationship, it’s going to become common for you to run away from responsibilities – please support her and be there for her.
Responses From Fans:
You made a choice not to protect youself.take care of what you made.dont be a dead beat dad.why should this child have to start its life with a parent that don’t want them from the beginning.
Little late to be claiming that isn’t it. That’s like saying I didn’t want to die after you loaded the gun, stuck it in your mouth and pulled the trigger.
You have moved beyond that question. Should have used a condom if YOU felt so strongly. That would have at least started a conversation, otherwise it would have prevented conception.
Enjoy the process! Children are a true blessing. You could have the worst day but when you see your child it’s like no joy you could ever imagine. Just seeing them puts a big smile on your face! Enjoy, they grow up way too fast….
This is an important conversation to have with your girlfriend. It’s good that you care about what she wants. If she wants to have a child, then let her have one. Also, think about your own life. Maybe right now you feel you don’t want a child, but do you see that outlook change in the future? Make a decision that you feel would work out for you both. And for the future, if you don’t want a child, maybe consider wearing protection.
Should have wrapped it up! You can’t make her have an abortion so you either stay with her and support your child or support your child from afar! Grow up! The responsibility may be good for you.
I honestly believe when you feel the baby start to kick when she let u have your hand on her belly to feel and when y’all do a gender reveal and once you lay your eyes on your son or daughter you will fall in love so relax and breath and be supportive and this baby is a blessing. I had a full histerectomy so I’m happy for y’all because y’all both have been blessed.
This question is getting a lot of responses from our fans; you can read them all on our Facebook page here.
7 Reasons Why Men Don’t Want Babies
Having children is a big decision; not everyone is ready for it. There are many reasons why a man might not want to have a baby, even if he is in a relationship. Here are 10 of the most common reasons:
1. Financial Concerns
He doesn’t feel financially stable enough. Raising a child is expensive, and not all men feel they have the financial resources to do it. They may be worried about being able to afford childcare, food, housing, and other expenses.
In addition to the financial costs of raising a child, men may also be concerned about the lost wages that come with taking time off work to care for a child. This is especially true for men who are the primary breadwinners in their families.
2. Freedom Concerns
He doesn’t want to give up his freedom. Having a baby means a lot of changes, both big and small. Men may worry about losing their freedom to travel, go out with friends, or just relax at home.
In addition to the changes in lifestyle that come with having a child, men may also be concerned about losing their identity. They may worry that they will become “just a dad” and will no longer be able to pursue their interests and goals.
3. Responsibility Concerns
He’s not ready for the responsibility. Raising a child is a huge responsibility, and not all men feel ready for it. They may be worried about being able to provide for a child’s emotional and physical needs.
In addition to the day-to-day responsibilities of raising a child, men may also be concerned about long-term responsibilities. They may worry about being able to pay for college, help their child with their career, and provide for them in their old age.
4. Uncertainty Concerns
He’s not sure if he wants to be a parent. Some men simply don’t know if they want to be parents. They may be undecided about their life goals or not feel like they have the time or energy to raise a child.
In addition to the uncertainty about whether or not they want to be parents, men may also be concerned about the future. They may worry about the state of the world and whether or not it is a good place to raise a child.
5. Health Concerns
He has health concerns. Some men may have health concerns that make them hesitant to have children. They may be worried about passing on genetic disorders, or they may be concerned about their ability to care for a child if they become ill.
In addition to the health concerns that men may have for themselves, they may also be concerned about their children’s health. They may worry about the child developing health problems or being born with disabilities.
6. Relationship Concerns
He’s not in a committed relationship. A man who is not in a committed relationship may not want to have a baby. He may be worried about being a single father, or he may not want to bring a child into a relationship that is not stable.
In addition to the concerns about being a single father, men may also be concerned about the impact that having a baby would have on their relationship. They may worry that the relationship will become strained or they will not have enough time for their partner.
7. Personal Reasons
He just doesn’t want to have kids. Some men simply don’t want to have kids, and that’s okay. They may not feel like they have the desire or the inclination to be a parent.
Conclusion
There are many reasons why a man might not want to have a baby. It’s important to be understanding and respectful of his decision, even if you don’t agree with it. If you are both open and honest with each other, you can hopefully find a solution that works for both of you.
What would you say to this man about his situation? Let us know your answers in the comments below.
If you want to ask our relationship experts email us your questions at [email protected]
From a single mother. If you are both certain of your choices about children then you need to sign your rights and walk away. You will only hurt that child more by being a parent who doesn’t want to be.
It’s fairly simple, don’t play if you can’t pay. You are responsible for creating a child. You knew that was a possibility when you had sex with your girlfriend and you chose to take that risk. Now be a real man and own your responsibility. If you absolutely don’t want to help raise your child, at least make sure that you help out financially. If you don’t, you’re a loser. If you do walk away, you had better never have unprotected sex and take this same risk again.
I hate these kinds of comments because it paints men as the awful person for not wanting a child. If a woman doesn’t want a pregnancy she has options regardless of what the father wants. She also failed to protect herself but can make choices such as abortion or adoption. She is not trapped by her boyfriends decisions. Male and female birth control can fail. Yet only women have the right to make decisions about a pregnancy and then we are berating the men as if it’s all their fault. I disagree. At least us woman have control and options. A man can’t even stop an abortion if he wants to have the child. The world is messed up but it’s not all the guys fault.
Look what I found! This jumps from March 22 to today Sept 22. Anyone heard from the couple?
I think as adults we have to take responsibility for our behaviors. This pregnancy didn’t happen solely on my behavior. If you believe that you can’t do this. I’ll be right here with you to support you and we can help one other in the process for the best for everyone.
If you love her enough, you will try to accept all parts of her, including a kid. It’s not an easy choice but the most important ones never are. You have to think deeply how much you love her.
Dear Anonymous Man, you have to be honest with yourself and her… can you stay and love both her and your children without becoming resentful or abusive? If that answer is yes, then stay and seek comfort from her to deal with the changes. If the answer is no, then do what you can to provide for her and the children, but don’t force the relationship to stay just so you can avoid people telling you to “grow up” or “man up” or “just be supportive”. You should try and do right by her ( you did get her pregnant), but you also have to what’s best for you. Both of you are human and relationships don’t always work out. That doesn’t mean either of you are wrong or bad. It just didn’t work out. Each person gets to choose how they want their life to be. Think hard on what that is that you want your future self to be and make a choice and stick to it. Either way, you’ll have to answer for your actions at some point.
Many people shouldn’t be parents. Look in this comment section for many examples. If she wants to keep it it’s her choice because we live in a FREE country where abortion is an option. Relinquish your rights to the kid and all you’ll have to do is pay the child support. Good luck, dude. Wear a condom from now on.
And for anyone mad, I’d tell the girl to get the abortion, if she didn’t want it. Because if that’s the right option for her it’s ok. I hope that makes you furious 🤣
I think if he didn’t want a baby he should have wore protection, I hope he don’t leave her because of this but it sounds as if he really doesn’t want to be tied down and if he does leave he’s a coward.
The protection issue goes both ways, Heather. How do you know she didn’t entrap him because she wanted a baby?? Seems women are always eager to blame the guy right off the bat!! No reason today to have an unwanted pregnancy.
Even if she SAID she is on birth control, he SHOULD have still used protection instead of trusting what she says… If he really doesn’t want a kid, the only way to truly ensure this is if he wore a condom.
Would you look at that. At least tell him when it isn’t safe too, that will help. Most women say nothing ! Cos they want the baby to keep the man and be a pain in his but forever
If you are not ready for a baby sign over your rights. Do t try to change her mind or badger her about it. If she wants the baby you have no decision in what she does.
It’s not that easy. In most jurisdictions, a father can give the mother full legal and physical custody, but he still has to pay child support unless there is another adult wanting to adopt the child.
I understand that she needs support right now but it should be a two way street. She also needs to support him and his feelings and hopefully come to a mutual agreement. Does he not want a baby right now because he just feels trapped in the relationship if a baby comes? Or is he just not wanting children in general right now? They both have to want a child to make it work together. He shouldn’t feel “forced” into a decision either. Granted, if she has the baby, with or without him as a partner, he is still going to be a father. He does need to step up to the plate and be that father. They don’t have to stay together to be good parents! If you’re doing it with the right person, co parenting can be, and is, possible and successful! They both will need to put their own feelings/needs aside and take care of and put their child first before anything or anyone else. This is just my opinion.
First you and her should had been careful. We are talking about a human life. Second it took two to create this little human so if you don’t have it in your time to be a daddy then explain it to her because a baby is a precious gift. If you do decide to leave her just know she has an option to file for child support so think about that and at least keep an open mind. I hope after the baby is born it softens your ugly heart. Do better
Be a man. Support the baby even if you don’t marry the mother. Just be a father you don’t want to go to jail don’t you?
If men went to jail simply for being deadbeats my son’s father would be in Jail. I don’t ask for any kind of support because I know I’m not going to get it. If he doesn’t want to take care of the kid that’s on him but he also doesn’t get to make any decisions about the child.
how could a man like you ask this question on public? the part of telling that she’s your girlfriend already been her title for you…but what about the word”responsibility”? you must sit and talk seriously regarding about this matter before posting via public…this already a sign that you dun have any plan for this girl… you no have balls at all
It’s a hard decision having to decide after the fact if you want to walk away or walk-up. Think of the child first. Will you be a good Father or a resentful one? If you cannot see yourself being a good Father, walk away. It’s not fair to put the child thru years of hearing their parents argue of lives lost because of the child. Just work and provide all that you can to support the child, spend time and talk softly to the mother. Please don’t argue in front of this child, just show love. Each of us is entitled to a peace-filled life but we have to build that life. God Bless you.
God wouldn’t give you something that u couldn’t handle. He made this plan for you. This was in the books for u. Sometimes he does these things to teach u a lesson, and give u a blessing.
U don’t need to be with the mother to help raise this child. Take the responsibility. It takes 2 to tango. A child needs their father, just as much as a mother. I say, do the right thing and face the situation head on. I know it’s scary, but u have to put your fears to the side. Put your big boy pants on, time for a new beginning.
Sending hugs 🤗 love and light 🙌🏼 Praying for you both. Ask god for guidance and u will receive the help
U guys need. Hope this helps!
Man up and take care of your child😊 or sign your rights over so when she finds a man that accepts her and her child they can adopt said child.
doesn’t sound like you are listening to her either. Sorry she picked so poorly. (maybe you should not have been screwing her). Leave her & let her find someone worthy of herself. Not an irresponsible j***
You made the choice of having $ex without using protection. Take responsibility for your actions and be the father that baby needs. Nobody likes a dead beat father!
Actions have results and consequences. Sex, can have a result of life. If you cannot be responsible for any results that occur from your actions, you’re not mature and shouldn’t proceed. It’s pretty simple. The girlfriend is taking responsibility for her actions, that called maturity.
If this was me, I would take to talk to her and take consideration of her feelings.
Set boundaries, since abortion is an option, its better to give it up while its early if both of you is not yet ready for this responsibility
Paternity test!! You have no idea whose baby it is. In today’s hook up environment it could be anyone’s. If she did not want to get pregnant then she would have taken measures to avoid pregnancy. Don’t just believe everything people tell you, to many personal agenda’s going on. I see no author to this article so I can assume a female wrote it. Totally sounded like a female thought pattern.
Relationship is dead in the water. She’s trying to play you for a fool now by having a kid to keep you anchored. Say your peace, jump ship and cut ties completely. This decision needs to be made by you, not forced on you.
There are loads of brilliant answers on here and I agree with a lot! When “doing” it without protection, you’re more likely to get someone pregnant. Children need both parents. As a mother, my opinion on this matter is this; Sometimes unplanned things can become the greatest treasure in the world.
We aren’t sure if he used protection or not. I got pregnant while I used protection. Shit happens. Maybe he did try to avoid it but life finds a way. Unfortunately condoms break, birth control sometimes doesn’t work if it isn’t taken properly, and people can be careless when they are in the moment or alcohol and other substances are involved. We weren’t there. However, pregnancy can happen when you sleep with someone. If it happens than you should be prepared for it. Have a conversation with your girlfriend prior to getting intimate so you both know how to handle these situations when they arise. If she keeps it, please support her as much as you can.
No one can force you into something you aren’t ready for/don’t want anymore than someone can force her. If you’ve brought this up to her and she knows this isn’t what you want best you can do is remove yourself from the situation and just start financially preparing for when she requests child support.
And next time, get yourself a reliable birth control. I know there isn’t many options for guys out there and women can still and still do poke holes in them, but you can put them somewhere she can’t reach.
I’m in same situation right now 5 months pregnant with my boyfriend and yes he want an abortion because he’s not ready raising a child now and not a perfect time . But I know really why he doesn’t want this baby because I’m the mother 😔 . I’m separated with 11 year old son and I don’t have college degree that he can be proud of his family. Then I made an agreement to him just let me have this child, no need to tell in your family you can marry other woman as you like just support me financially until I can go back to work again. I asked only 2 years atleast for financially because my situation in my family no one I can defend on . I wish and I hope he will support me until now he didn’t send because he said he’s on crisis also.
This is such a hot topic, and There are many “opinions” and some are judgemental. I am not going to judge but I will voice my opinion.
First, I too am a single parent, which being a single parent is not easy, but parenting is never easy even when 2 parents are involved.
Second, what law stipulates that the female is the better parent, or is this a society assumption?
Third, it took them both to invest time in a relationship, and I believe they both need to see each others concerns. And it is not a Dead Beat Dad, let’s extinguish that stigma and support the Dead Beat “PARENT” verbiage, because we all know that a female is equally responsible as the male.
Lastly, you are not a lone on this journey, many people have had to process through this.
You bothneed to talk about the icky stuff before its to late. And She should listen to your views, as you should with hers.
You both will have to “share” in this responsabilaty or end the pregnancy or put the baby up for adoption?
She can work just like you because you both are equally responsable. Just like you have the option to stay at home to care for the baby as she does.
Today’s world tries to be gendar neutral, equal to both.
It does not read that you both are committed or invested to that relationship?
The important part is to talk with each other, keep the lines of communication open. Actively listen and hear what “each other” wants and feels.
Note: There is no wrong solution.
Each experience will be a life lesson, this is one of the big ones.
To everyone saying the man “has no choice” whether she keeps it or doesn’t, here’s a different perspective: he had many choices. They both did. However, he as a man with the capacity to impregnate someone, chose to be intimate with this woman, he chose to have sex (protected or not, we do not know from this snippet of information). He made the choice of not considering all of the consequences of his actions, with the person he chose. He chose not to think about what could go wrong. He chose not to consider the best route of protections for himself, as the loaded gun, so to speak. He’s also choosing to be selfish right now, because the reality is that sex is extremely personal and pregnancy affects way more than JUST the womb. Pregnancy affects bones, skin, muscles, organs, hormones, and the brain. Pregnancy changes the way you think, it affects the way you behave. Your brain goes into “survival” of the brood and for many, you cannot help but feel the need to protect it at all costs, even if you were previously against or had adversion to pregnancy. I agree that it is HER body to chose, whether she keeps it or not. A man has no say in that. If they were to spend the better part of a year with their body being used to grow the baby, then sure. But men do not and cannot. The man has none of that emotional/physical/spiritual burden. Just what he CHOOSES to take on, if anything at all. I do not believe men should be bled out financially, but if you chose the partner, you chose your actions, and you chose not to consider, in depth, your future and the consequences of your actions, you should CHOOSE to be a responsible adult since you made adultly decisions. You’re the reason she’s pregnant, after all is said and done. Choose to be a good father, choose to help out as best you can, or choose not to be in your child’s life. Those are your final choices to make. Regardless of which you choose, you will live with that choice forever. You cannot choose whether or not she keeps it, but you had many choices and you chose to put both of your lives on this path. It’s a sad reality of life. I wish all parties the best of luck.
Leave. I was I the same situation and now I regret not leaving. Go enjoy your life, you only get one.