I could just never bring myself to believe anything that you were saying to me. I couldn’t bring myself to trust whatever it is you might have had to say. I couldn’t really bring myself to just trust you in general; as a person. You always lied to me about EVERYTHING. And it happened constantly. It wasn’t something that you did on occasion. It wasn’t something that you did out of the blue. It wasn’t something that you only did during dire situations. It happened ALL THE TIME. You were always lying to me – even about the simplest things. And you might have thought at the time that you were protecting yourself; that you were saving your spot in this relationship. But what you didn’t understand is that every time you lied to me, you were pushing me farther and farther away. I was losing more and more interest because of all the lies; and eventually, it all came crashing down on both of us.
Yes, I understand the concept of self-preservation. I have had to lie a couple of times in my life just to save my own butt. So I really do understand that. However, you have to ask yourself why you would ever want to lie to your romantic partner? You told a lot of lies as a means of protecting yourself from me; as if I would ever hurt you. You lied as a way of keeping the distance between the two of us; as if we would ever be able to make things work if we never tried to get closer to one another. You lied to me to make sure that I would never get to know the real you; the one you’ve been keeping hidden away from the view of the public. But what you failed to understand is that by doing so, you were essentially pushing me further and further away.
I was losing my interest in you bit by bit with every lie that you chose to tell me. You tried to chalk it up as some kind of defense mechanism. You tried to make it seem that you were a lot stronger and better than you actually were. But here’s the thing, I would have loved to get to know the weaker version of you. I would have loved to meet the real you. I would have loved to see your deepest vulnerabilities and insecurities. But you didn’t let that happen. You made sure of it. You always tried to keep the most intimate aspects of your personality tucked away. You didn’t want to expose those parts of yourself to me because you were afraid that I would use these against you. You were afraid that I would capitalize on your weaknesses and hurt you. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I only wanted to love you – all parts of you. However, you chose to keep these parts of yourself in the dark. And I ended up loving a false and idealized version of you. You never gave this relationship a chance because of your relentless lying.
But then, there was the other kind of lie; the one that wasn’t done out of self-preservation. You often told lies to me as a way to just prop yourself up to me. You wanted to sell yourself to me. You wanted me to like you more. You wanted to impress me and make me more interested in you. You wanted to entrance me with your mystique and aura. But what you didn’t realize at that time was that you were having the opposite effect on me. The harder you tried, the more I realized just how fake you were. The more you lied, the more I understood that you weren’t really a guy who was worth getting to know. The more you tried to impress me, the more unimpressed I became because I saw just how fake it all was. I hated that side of you. I hated every part of it. And you seemed to think that you were still doing the right thing even though you were practically losing me at that point already.
Your lies just made it practically impossible for me to ever trust you, and that was the biggest mistake you made. You never tried to earn my trust the right way. You never tried to build on whatever semblance of trust I could put in you. You were always lying to me. And effectively, you were killing this relationship before it even got a chance to start. You were driving me away without even giving me a chance to get closer to you. And that’s what frustrates me the most. You killed this relationship before it had a chance at life.