Once You Lose My Respect, You Don’t Get To Have It Back

It’s going to be difficult for me to respect a person who has said the treacherous things that you have unapologetically thrown at my face all of these years.

You have completely lost my respect and you are probably never going to get it back. It has been extremely challenging for me to sustain that respect for all the time that we’ve spent together. Eventually, I just got fed up and I lost it entirely. And the chances of you gaining back my respect are incredibly slim. Typically, I’m a very forgiving person. I understand the weaknesses of people, and I can be patient with their shortcomings. But with you, it was just a constant state of disappointment. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t forgive you for all the times that you’ve wronged me and there were a lot of times it’s just that I can’t forget everything that you’ve ever done to me. And because I know that you are capable of acting a certain way to people on such a consistent basis, it’s really hard for me to respect you as a human being. It’s hard for me to really see you as a person who is worth being around. I’ve seen who you really are inside. You revealed all of your true colors to me and I didn’t like what I ended up seeing. You lost my respect and you’re going to have to climb an emotional Mt. Everest if you want it back.

It’s going to be difficult for me to respect a person who has said the treacherous things that you have unapologetically thrown at my face all of these years. You knew that your words had the power to strike a nerve within me. You knew that your words could hurt me deeply and leave me scarred. You knew all of this and yet you still chose to say them all. You knew what you were doing and that’s what I can’t respect about what you did. That’s what I won’t allow myself to forget. You were ruthless with your ways and I don’t understand why I ever expected you to change. I always tried to see the best in you; the good in you. I was always hoping that someday, the good side of you would eventually come out and make all of my patience and my efforts worth it. I was naГЇve to do so. I was foolish to think that you could ever change. I was an idiot for believing and expecting too much from you. But I’m not an idiot anymore. I know the kind of person you really are and I know that you’re probably never going to change. I have experienced firsthand the toxicity of your personality and I am vowing to myself to never subject myself to that kind of torment again. In a way though, you kind of succeeded. You left a mark on me. I’m not entirely sure if this was your plan all along, but really, you have forever branded yourself upon my heart and my memory. And that is why you are probably never going to gain an ounce of respect out of me. 

It’s going to be incredibly difficult for me to respect a person who has willingly been the cause of so many of my tears. You knew just how much you were hurting me and you still chose to carry on as if my feelings didn’t matter. Not only did you not do anything to help me through my pain, you were the cause for so much of it. You shattered my heart into a million pieces every time that we were together, and you never made any efforts to help mend it back to a whole. It’s as if you found joy and fulfilment in causing me misery. What kind of sick and twisted person would deliberately bring so much pain and torment to the life of another person? One thing I know is for sure: that kind of person is a person who isn’t worth respecting at all. That’s you. And the worst part is that you never even said sorry. You never found the humility to just apologize for all the times that you chose to break me. But still, despite the lack of an apology, I forgive you. But I won’t forget you. And I won’t respect you. 

You may be thinking to yourself: What do I care if I lost her respect?. Well, that’s a perfectly acceptable idea to ponder. You never wanted my respect. It’s evident in how you never made any efforts to win me over. But that’s the thing. I don’t care about whether you want my respect or not. I’m making this decision for myself. I’m choosing to withhold my respect to help me get on with my life. It’s not because of you. I’m done with you. I’m moving on to better things, and having no respect for you means I don’t have to worry about you anymore. 

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