We all know by now what it feels like to have someone wrong us. It can hurt a little bit or it can hurt a lot. It all depends on what was done and who wronged you. We’ve all felt the harmful effects of betrayal, mistreatment, manipulation, deceit, and abuse. Perhaps your romantic partner was unfaithful to you in your relationship. Maybe you had parents who didn’t really care for you while you were growing up.
Perhaps you have had a business partner lie to you before which caused you to miss out on a lot of financial opportunities. Maybe you have had friends joke around about something that you’re incredibly insecure of. The list is almost endless. And of course, you felt bad when you had to go through these things – and it might still even hurt to think about them now.
All of us can have different outlooks and reactions to being wronged by a person. Some of us are going to rely on the ability to move forward; while others will soak up all of these negative emotions and live with them for a while. We all cope differently. Some of us find it easy to move on while others don’t. The emotions that we feel as a result of mistreatment and wrongdoing at the hands of others can be embedded in our psyche. And the reason that a lot of us still feel the effects of these wrongdoings even after substantial time has passed is this: our brains are all programmed to remember feelings and emotions more than the actual happenings of the moments themselves.
You might not remember what that person EXACTLY did to you, but you will remember how that person made you feel. Brains have a tendency to retain information surrounding emotions rather than actual sensual occurrences. That’s why instead of thinking about the words that someone might have used to hurt you, you might be quicker to recall the fear, anxiety, and insecurity that you were feeling when they said it. The effects of these emotions hit harder to home, as one would say.
When you are experiencing substantial emotional trauma that can lead you to feel less than ideal, it is absolutely vital for your own psychological wellbeing that you are able to find the resolve to address them. And addressing these issues can take a lot of effort, time, energy, and commitment. However, in the long run, you will be in far better shape than you are in now.
The act of forgiving another person can be very healing and therapeutic. In fact, it can be considered one of the most powerful methods to recover from the pain that other people might have caused you. And because it’s such an effective method, it’s very difficult to accomplish. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you just forget the whole thing ever happened and you move on with your life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you absolve another person’s responsibility for their actions. What REAL forgiveness means is choosing compassion over punishment; it’s choosing patience and understanding over vengeance and vindictiveness. To forgive another person is a choice that you have to make for yourself.
And that’s what makes it so hard to do. It requires a lot of willpower and effort to forgive a person. It can be very innate and almost primal of us to want to see the person who wronged us suffer for what they did. It’s somehow our mind’s way of trying to rationalize everything; of bringing balance to things. But ultimately, if you have a strong enough mindset, you will be able to bring balance to your own soul without having to see someone else get hurt. Remember that even though other people have the power to hurt you, you ALWAYS have the power to choose how you react to this pain that you’re feeling. You ALWAYS have the ability to control what you do as a response to all of these negative feelings.
And if you need some good old fashioned tips to forgive a person, here are a few of them as revealed by leading psychologists.
1. Know that to forgive someone is ALWAYS possible.
First, you have to believe that you are able to forgive someone before you can actually do so.
2. Make a list of people who have wronged you.
Sometimes, you can have a lot of hatred for people buried deep down inside without you even realizing it. Take some time to think about the many wrongs that have been done unto you.
3. Face your feelings and emotions.
Really take some time to address how you feel about the people who have wronged you. You can’t forgive them if you don’t confront your feelings about them.
4. Really commit to the act of forgiving.
You’ve made that choice to commit, now it’s your job to really stick to it. You have to be the one who makes sure that you let go of all hatred in your heart.
