This is huge for me, trust. I have recently realised that I haven’t really trusted anyone, ever, after growing up. Not that I felt bad that I didn’t trust a few of my partners or a few of my friends, but I never really thought I needed to trust them, completely, with myself, my feelings or anything that was too personal.
Today, I am 26 and I often wonder why.В A lot of my friends have talked to me about their relationship issues and how they cant trust their partners fully because they have been cheated on, they have been hurt, they didn’t want to get hurt, they didn’t want to make a fool out of themselves. There could really be a thousand reasons why you might not be able to or fully want to trust your current partner, even though they are perfect and you really see a future with them.
You see, our minds are like chalkboards, any harsh or hurtful memory leaves its mark on the chalkboard, real deep. From then onwards, you evaluate every situation and every scenario based on your scars, experiences and life, consciously or sub consciously.
I too have experienced quite a few things in life. Seeing my parents always fighting over money, time, I somehow developed this feeling that later on became a definite decision, that nobody was to be given so much power that they could turn your whole world upside down within a second.
Why trust someone so much that when they break it, it feels like every dream and every part of your soul feels like it has been crushed?В Why put yourself in a situation where you can be hurt?
Thinking like that, I moved on with my life, got into an immature relationship, was cheated on with multiple people. The relationship ended and I did not take a single day to cry over the things I had done or had lost, though I do remember feeling guilty for a very long time, for how I had let myself be treated.
After two years, I got into a mature relationship. I thought that was the real deal and I went ahead pretending like that is how love was supposed to be. The relationship wasn’t emotionally healthy and eventually ended. But before it ended, it left a few more marks. I trusted him with one of my deepest scars, about my parents and he used that information in every fight to shut me up. I trusted him with my emotions and I was made fun of. Slowly, I started shutting all the doors of trust, again, that I was forcefully opening.
Finally finding out that he was cheating on me, I gladly ended that relationship. When I got out of it, I had a choice yet again in life, I could go back to not trusting people, thus, not giving myself to them for loving me completely.В I had a choice to again have a short lived relationship, get out of it intact!
But, I realised that there was no point. Either I should just give up on relationships and get rid of all this once and for all or brace myself to again open my heart and this time, fully, to let love in.
Choosing the latter one would mean another scar or another failed relationship but it could also mean a healing potion that could prove meВ wrong, wouldn’t that be beautiful? To finally find love in the way that I had only heard of.
You have got to put yourself out there to be able to find that one person who will value you, who will finally show you why every bad thing in your life makes sense.В You have the choice to let the worst or the best of you govern you. Choose the good, always!В It will help you and as soon as you develop your faith over this fact, you will find your reward, almost immediately.
How can I say that? I can, because as soon as I developed my faith over finding love through honesty, I actually did.В I found the love of my life and I have never regretted a single thing I have ever trusted him with. I could have stopped when I toppled over and over, over bad nuts but I wouldn’t have found him if I hadn’t gone through all of that.
So, trust fully when you think you are with the right person. When you have carefully calculated your chances of being with them, of them being loyal to you.В Remember, you won’t truly know the meaning of love if you don’t know what it feels like to be heart broken.
Talk to me
After having your trust broken into pieces, how did you find the strength to get it back in your life and how did you overcome the fear of trusting new people? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!