Sapiosexual – Being Attracted by the Mind


Sapiosexual (n.) – a person who is turned on by intelligence.

Sapiosexual: meaning and origin.

Simply put, it is defined as someone who prefers intelligence over physical aspects of attraction. Such a person will never get involved in small talk; they’d rather have long and intimate conversations that traverse through the infinite galaxies of your mind.


You could literally be the most gorgeous person in the world but you’d still be invisible in the eyes of a Sapiosexual if you can’t hold a deep conversation with them.

When was it introduced?

sapiosexual word

A LiveJournal user introduced the term in 1998. The word “sap” is Latin for “understand.”

Who is a Sapiosexual person?

sapiosexual person

A Sapiosexual person is never impressed with looks; looks aren’t even secondary for them. Their interests lie in meaningful and deep talks. They don’t care about how their partner looks or what the world thinks of them.

Twelve interesting signs you are Sapiosexual:

As promised, let’s take a look at the signs. These are some of the most common things I could discover in my own experiences. Yes, I’ve dated a Sapiosexual woman, and it was amazing. Ahem, let’s move on.

1. You despise small-talk.

sapiosexual small talk

Don’t get me wrong; nobody likes small-talk. But they take it to the next level. If they notice the conversation taking a slow turn, don’t expect them to stay around for much longer.

2. Deep conversations, please.

sapiosexual conversations

You’re someone who prefers getting intimate with the mind. You’d love any chance to be in a meaningful and elaborate conversation with someone. Even if there are ten people in the room, you’d only be listening to the one with the sexy mind.

3. You stay far away from flings.

sapiosexual flings

Quick flings will never appeal to you. The mere idea of a fling will be a massive turn-off for you. Flings don’t usually have a happy ending, and you would rather stay single than to be in a negative relationship.

4. Intimacy does not matter to you more than intelligence.

sapiosexual intimacy

You’re the type of person who prefers a specific mental wavelength with your partner before you can get intimate with them. Your mind knows that feelings last a lifetime, and it is adamant on getting its share of meaningful vibes.

5. Your partner’s looks don’t matter to you.

sapiosexual looks

Looks don’t matter to you, ever. You want someone who has a beautiful mind rather than a gorgeous face.

6. Falling in love is difficult for you.

sapiosexual falling in love

You can’t fall in love with someone quickly. You need to make sure they play your mind’s strings before they can play the harp of your heart.

7. People say that you’re too picky.

sapiosexual picky

People often tell you that you’re too picky when it comes to finding a partner, it’s because you know how important love is and wouldn’t want to rush into anything.

8. Let’s not rush into things.

sapiosexual don't rush

You don’t like rushing the romance. Getting to know the heights of someone’s intelligence takes time and patience.

9. Material things never seem to get your attention.

sapiosexual material things

You are not superficial or materialistic. You care about what’s inside of a person’s being more than you pay attention to what brand they’re wearing.

10. Intelligence doesn’t always come from books.

sapiosexual books

You’re the kind of person who loves self-awareness. You love finding out things about your being and your existence that most people ignore.

Your partner doesn’t have to be book-smart, as long as they are aware of the fraction of reality they hold in this universe and the value it represents.

11. You’re particular about the way you text.

sapiosexual texting

You’re not someone who types “hbu” to someone. You want properly-written words, not slangs. Also, grammar matters to you more than most people.

12. You prefer one-on-one hangouts.

sapiosexual hangouts

You’re the kind of person who would rather spend hours with one person rather than a group. You love having long conversations with your best friends; you always prefer quiet hangouts over loud parties.

How to date a Sapiosexual:

This segment of the article is going to be a little more personal; I’m going to discuss my own experience.

sapiosexual dating

Here are six things to expect from a Sapiosexual partner:

1. They will always support your ideas.

sapiosexual support

They are going to be there for you %120 of the time. You will always feel heard; your words will always matter to them.

2. They are very intimate partners.

sapiosexual partner

Once your partner opens up to you, you are going to be surprised. My ex was a deeply intimate person, it was poetic.

3. Arguments will always be meaningful.

sapiosexual argument

Don’t expect them to have standard arguments with you. My ex-girlfriend used to have detailed and thorough discussions with me. She never raised her voice; she wasn’t angry or rude. It was very nice.

4. They will never go to bed angry.

sapiosexual angry

They know better than to go to bed angry. They’d rather stay up and fix things with you than go to bed with those negative emotions.

5. They are the most loyal partners.

sapiosexual loyal

My ex-girlfriend was the most loyal partner I’ve had. Maybe it’s because they know how painful it is for the other person.

6. They are the hardest to ask out.

sapiosexual ask out

Don’t expect them to say “yes” easily. My ex was very critical of new people. They may even come across as intimidating to some.

Dating apps for Sapiosexual individuals:

dating apps sapiosexual

1. Sapio – The dating app for intellectuals.

While we’re on the subject, there’s a dating app specifically for people who are turned on by intelligence. The app is called ‘Sapio‘ and according to the team behind the app,

“[Sapio is…] The only app that gets to the core of people through their lived experiences, heartfelt opinions, and bold passions.”

2. OkCupid, obviously.

While it’s not explicitly meant for this preference, OkCupid recently introduced the option to select it as a preference. Considering the sheer amount of members OkCupid has, hopes are high for everyone.


In conclusion, a Sapiosexual person is someone who is attracted to the beauty of the mind. Their biggest kinks lie in intelligence. Conversations will never be meaningless or pointless with them. Even though they can be challenging partners, they are also some of the most amazing lovers.

Your Questions (updated)

1. How do I know if I’m Sapiosexual?

The answer to this question lies in your own, beautiful mind. How many of the signs mentioned above made you go, “OMG, THAT’S ME!” and shook you?

It isn’t a dealbreaker in life, and you shouldn’t insult yourself if you’re not turned on by intelligence solely. All of us have our ways of loving. You can be someone who’s intelligent and still not be turned on by it. Being smart is NOT synonymous with being Sapiosexual. It’s a preference.

2. How to pronounce ‘Sapiosexual’?

Here the US and UK pronunciations, respectively:

3. What is “Sapiophile,” and how is it different from Sapiosexual?

It should be noted that the term “Sapiophile” has the same meaning; the two words can be used synonymously. However, Sapiosexual is more dominantly-used.

Talk to me (discuss)

Thoughts? I’d love to talk in the comments, below!


  1. Rewire: Aren’t We All Attracted to Intelligence? The Sapiosexual Debate

  2. Merriam-Webster: What Does ‘Sapiosexual’ Mean?

Disclaimer – The thoughts expressed in this article are mine, and mine alone. This article is based on my own experience, I’m not saying it’ll be the exact same for you. I hope you get to learn from any of my experiences, that’s what this is all for 🙂

  1. I often crave good, intellectual conversation. So many are so very superficial. I believe I am a sapiosexual and embrace it.

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