You all know I’m always talking about being selfless and doing more for people than they do for you, but too much of anything can be destructive and selflessness is not always good. It can come at the cost of your own happiness. Once you start giving too much, all people will want is to take as much as they can and leave you when you are drained and have nothing more to give.
Following are some of the telltale signs that you are giving too much.
1. People start to take advantage of your nature of being kind and compromising:
When you start putting other people before your own self, selfish people start to notice. All of your acquaintances would, consciously or subconsciously, take advantage of you. They will start to expect that you will always be there for them and do whatever it is that they ask you to do. If you can’t help them with their monitory needs, they will expect you to be there for their emotional needs, but when you will want something from them, they would simply disappear.
However, your true friends will never take advantage of your selflessness. If you do not want to get rid of your selfless nature, you are better off surrounding yourself with true friends.
There is a strong chance that the people who take advantage of you tell other stories about your selflessness and possibly make fun of you. To avoid being taken advantage of, the first step is to learn to say no. Learning to say no is one of the hardest things in life, especially when you are a selfless person, but once you master the skill, you will be much happier and you will start to deflect unreasonable requests and demands.
Moreover, if you really want to be kind and selfless, then engage in social work. It is much better to help strangers that are in much more need than the needy acquaintances who don’t even appreciate your efforts. В *Continue reading to next page*
2. You start to hide your deeply honest and true feelings:
As a selfless person, chances are that people do not feel the way you usually feel, which is why you start to stay silent when there is an opinion you don’t agree with. You will care too much about people’s opinions and how they perceive you. You would want to make everyone like you by doing anything that they ask you to. To avoid this from happening, you should strive to be completely yourself and express your true opinions. Being selfless doesn’t mean that you lose yourself in the crowd.
Obviously, none of us wants to be that one part of the group who is always compromising in mentioning his or her own feelings. Have you ever seen those people in the movies who are in a very social group but they themselves feel like they don’t belong there, of course social pressure makes them be a part of the group but deep down they’re just not happy because nobody’s treating them that well.
They are nice, they are kind, they are sweet and they are compromising, which is why people want them to be around everyone, just to use them. It is a part of majority of the human population that they do things for their own benefit and mostly neglect the feelings of other people. Same is the case with many of the people who look for such soft-hearted and kind people in order to use them for their own benefits. Of course, we cannot change other people, but what we can do is we can change our own self, it must be hard for a selfless person to be dominating, to say no as well as to say that they are more than what other people think of them.
The best things come after a lot of hard work, it is the same in this case. One will have to work hard by saying no and rejecting other people’s demands. By doing so, the first thing that the other person would do is that they would get an idea that you are not happy with the way you are being treated. The second step is that you express your feelings, either in a good way or in a harsh way. You tell the other person that you are not happy with how you are being treated. Because deep down, you do know that you deserve the best.
It is only natural that you are expressing your true inner feelings, especially to someone who hasn’t been treating you that well. *Continue reading to next page*
3. Putting your own needs below the needs of people around you:
Let’s begin with a question that you have to ask yourself. Suppose you’re in a situation where you see a person who wants something, you observe and you can even feel that person really wants that one specific thing but he chooses to sacrifice because the people around him want something else.
Let’s say that person wants to watch a movie named A in the cinema with his friends. But all of his friends want to watch the movie B. That one specific person has saved money for a long time in order to watch this movie but he can only watch one movie. So what he does is that he compromises and he chooses to go with his friends.
What do you think of that situation? Is it okay that his friends did not consider his feelings? Or is it okay that he has completely sacrificed his own desires for the people around him?
Ask yourself, if you are being treated in the same way, what would you do? Would you feel good, bad, happy, proud of yourself, or you would just feel bad for your own self because you don’t consider your desires? Selfless people have the tendency to ignore their own needs, no matter how strong those needs are, in order to fulfil the needs of other people.
Always remember that if you are not being treated well by the people around you and they do not consider your needs over their own needs, then obviously it is you who needs to change. Some people strongly believe that the only people who will care for you are your parents. Other people around you might care a little but not as much as you deserve. The only selfless care you get is from your parents. If you actually want to put your needs aside for somebody, then the best people to do that for are your parents and your blood relations because they actually care for you. In case of other acquaintances and friends, if they don’t go out of their way to please you and make you happy, it shows that they do not deserve you moving out of your way and out of your comfort zone in order to please them. Putting your own needs aside but also damage you psychologically.
Deep down, you will start to realize that you have no value of your own in front of others. It will not only make you sad but it was also lower down your self-confidence. Due to the lack of self-confidence, many people fall behind in professional life, so you see such problems don’t only hurt you in terms of social needs but they also hurt you in terms of your professional needs and your career.
4. You never have time to care for yourself and pamper yourself because you do a lot for others:
Once in a while, we all need a break from the hectic lives that we have. Those breaks are required in order to pamper our own selves. Sometimes, you get tired and lethargic and you get the feeling that you have not been pampering yourself or taking care of yourself so much. When this happens, you have to see whether you’re spending a little too much time on other people in your life, such as your friends and your acquaintances.
It is true that friends are a really important part of your life and you have to do a lot for them but when you see that doing so much is causing problems for your own self, then that is where you are wrong. You have to stop and reconsider all of those things that you have been doing previously. Because you need to change a few things in your routine and habits. By changing those things, you will realize that you will get a little more time for yourself and you will get to pamper yourself more.
Taking care of yourself is not just physically good for you but it is also good for your emotional well-being, as well as psychological well-being. When a person is physically feeling good and not lethargic, he can perform well in his everyday tasks such as chores at home, tasks at workplace and with family.
5. Needy people get attracted to you quite a lot:
Needy people really want someone to be by their side all the time. There’s this one common trait in all needy people and that is the fear of being alone or the fear of not having someone by their side when they’re facing emotional distress. Such people are good in some cases because deep down they’re not bad people, but unintentionally they do suck out all the positive energy from you.
You will feel sad and emotionally vulnerable when you have spent too much time with them. This is because they use you as an emotional support in the times where they are emotionally in need. And the moment they find their happiness, they leave you in a pool of sadness. As mentioned earlier, physical needs are as important as emotional needs, therefore this is the point where your emotional needs are to be considered with utmost importance.
If your emotional needs are not properly fulfilled, then there will be psychological distresses which aren’t good for your mental health.
So this is why needy people are highly attracted to people who do not care so much about their own selves and consider other people’s feelings more important.
You know, most of the cases prove that we are our biggest enemies. Same is the case in all of these scenarios. When you will let others treat you badly, they’ll happily treat you badly. So when you will tell people there is a certain threshold of tolerance that you have, they will make sure that they do not cross that threshold and respect you.
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I think we can all relate to this article, we’ve all been "used" at least once in our lives. Have you ever felt like someone you call your friend is using your emotions and being selfish with your time and feelings? Let me know in the comments down below!