As human beings, we are all inclined to change and grow as we make our way through our individual lives. And as a result, whatever relationships we might be in must be forced to change and adapt as well. Otherwise, these relationships will fail to keep up and get left behind in the dust. And it’s unfortunate when we lose a perfectly good relationship just because we gave in to our natural human need to partake in growth and development.
These relationships can stem from romantic ones to platonic ones. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, they must always be able to adapt to whatever changes undertake the individuals that comprise them. Unfortunately, as people change, there are genuinely some relationships that weaken because of a weakened connection between the people who are in them. And that’s just plain unacceptable to me.
For me, one of the most important things that I demand from someone in a relationship is absolute consistency. I can’t possibly allow myself to become emotionally invested in someone even though I’m not even going to be sure if they’ll still be there for me when I wake up in the morning. I need the stability that comes with consistent gestures and efforts from the people I get into relationships with.
I don’t want to waste my time, energy, and effort on someone who thinks that they can just waltz in and out of my life however it pleases them. That’s not the game I play and I’m not having any of it. I’m not going to tolerate that kind of behavior in my relationships. I do understand that I don’t have full ownership of the time of other people; particularly the ones I get into relationships with.
But that doesn’t mean that I should just be okay with never being the priority in someone’s life; not especially when I’m always willing to make compromises and sacrifices for that person. I’m always willing to make my relationship the priority whenever the need arises. And I need that kind of consistency from my partner as well. When I get into a relationship with someone, it’s either I want them to be all-in or not at all. I can’t handle being with someone who is wishy washy. And the reason why I demand that kind of consistency is because that is the exact brand of consistency that I bring to the table myself.
And no, I don’t expect you to be in constant communication with me for all hours of the day every single day of the week. I’m not clingy. I’m not needy. I’m not dependent. Let’s get those things clear. But I also know my worth. And I know that it doesn’t require too much time or effort on your part to just send me an update every once in a while; just to give me the security that I need from you. I just need you to let me know that I’m not some mere after-thought in your life.
I want to be a lingering image that you keep at the back of your mind as you go through your day. Because that is exactly what I’m doing for you. As we age, the more complicated life becomes. We are complex and we change as we grow older. Our priorities in life might even start to shift. But no matter how much we change as individuals, I still need the strength of our relationship to be constantly formidable. I need us to stand the test of time. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that that’s the case. Are you?
You have to remember that love isn’t exactly going to work if it’s one-sided. I can’t tolerate you just only ever showing up whenever it’s convenient or just when you need something. I am ALWAYS going to be there. I am ALWAYS going to give all that I’ve got to this. And I need the same kind of effort from you. Otherwise, I don’t think that this is something that is worth dedicating myself to at all.
I need you to do whatever you can to make me feel like you’re serious about me. I need you to put in the effort to make me feel just how important I am to you. Because I know for sure that you know just how important you are to me; and I never withhold my intentions or feelings for you. I am the one who is always going to try my best to keep this relationship alive. I just want you to give just as much into this relationship as I do. Because that’s what a relationship is really supposed to be – it’s a partnership. And I need you to be my partner.
WE DON’T NEED TO BE IN TOUCH 24/7 BUT IT ONLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS TO SEND A TEXT.
As we get older, our priorities change, especially as we start settling down, advancing in our careers and/or having kids. The time that we once had to grow and maintain all the relationships in our lives is now very limited. I accept that I might not be able to catch up with my favorite people as much as I’d like, and I don’t need constant communication, but it’s nice to know that they’re there should I need to call upon them.
THIS ISN’T A ONE-WAY STREET.
It’s when “friends” get distracted and expect you to understand every time they drop you for a new boyfriend, for example, that I really have a problem. I’m not a service station for people to just call in at every time they need gas. I’m a human being with needs, and what I need is for the people in my life to respect that this is a two-way relationship and that they can’t just pick and choose to have me in their lives whenever it’s convenient for them.
I NEED TO KNOW THAT I MATTER.
If someone’s not willing to make effort with me on a regular basis, then it’s pretty obvious how they really feel about me. How do I know that? Because there are people in my life who treat me just as well as I treat them and who I can tell genuinely give a damn about my well-being. These are the people who drop everything to call me if I’m feeling upset, the people who constantly try and meet up with me so we can catch up, and the people who let me into their lives just as much as I let them into mine. Those are the people I want to give my time to, not part-timers.
I’M SAVING SPACE IN MY LIFE FOR ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE.
I know what I want out of life and, more importantly, who I want in my life: people who have my back. I barely have time to fit everything into my hectic schedule as it is, nevermind wasting my time on people who don’t deserve it. From here on out, only the best people are welcome.
I’M NOT WILLING TO GIVE PART-TIMERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT ANYMORE.
There have been times in the past that I’ve held onto half-assed friends or partners, adamant that they were going to start changing their ways and actually start acting like they gave a crap. Spoiler alert: it never happened and I won’t do it anymore. I’ve lost my patience over the years. I no longer have any tolerance for BS.
ATTITUDE COUNTS FOR A LOT.
If someone isn’t that great at being fully present and engaged but they’re actively trying to improve, that’s a totally different situation. I appreciate people who make an effort and I understand that there aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes. We all end up being part-timers at some point because things happen that we don’t expect and can’t predict.
However, it’s how we handle these types of situations that says everything. For example, if a close family member has to move away with their job and suddenly isn’t around all that much, they can’t control that. If they’re still checking in and apologetic about not being around much, that’s totally forgivable.
I GIVE 100% MOST OF THE TIME, THEREFORE I DESERVE 100% BACK.
I’m a strong believer in the idea you get out of life what you put in. If I’m giving my relationships my heart and soul, I want the same courtesy extended to me. I get that we both might not be able to give 100% all the time because other things get in the way, but things should be more or less equal most of the time.
I’M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
I might have had the time and energy to sustain part-time relationships in the past, but I’m over that now. In fact, I’m not getting any younger. If I’ve given someone 50 million chances to be a better friend/partner and it’s still not happening, then it’s time for me to say goodbye.
Talk to me
Do you agree? Talk to me in the comments below!