How do you know whether it’s actually real love? Are you genuinely in love with this person or are you just getting more and more attached?
How do you know whether it’s actually real love? Are you genuinely in love with this person or are you just getting more and more attached? We’ve seen it happened before with people we know. It may have even happened to us already. A person just keeps on jumping from one relationship to the next with bold proclamations of love and affection for each one. It can seem quite strange and odd how these people could possibly fall in love so many times with so many people only to have that love fail. It forces us to really ask the question: was it really love? Or was the relationship just an impulsive decision to break from solitude and loneliness?
Reasonably, there is no scientific way to quantify or measure love. No one can really say whether he or she loves this thing or person more than another. And that’s really the problem with love, isn’t it? It’s a feeling. It’s a feeling that is observable. But it isn’t necessarily measurable nor is it quantifiable. It’s just something that people feel. And sometimes, people don’t always have the best grasp on their feelings. Plenty of people fear the single life; they hate being alone. And this pure hatred of solitude can sometimes lead them to believing that they’re in love with people that they aren’t really in love with. In their desperation, people will misconstrue their true feelings for something that will fit their narrative. However, these are false emotions.
These are feelings that we force ourselves to believe to justify our actions. A lot of people will cling or attach themselves to the wrong people just for the sake of not being alone. They don’t want to confront the harsh truths about not having found love yet and so they will comfort themselves with a lie. There may not necessarily be a universal definition of love because it can mean so many things to so many different people. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see the different aspects of what a real kind of love looks like.
It doesn’t mean that we aren’t able to observe the different characteristics that are present in genuine love affairs. A lot of us who have practiced eyes and experience hearts are able to spot the differences between real love and forced attachment between people.
1. Love is raw and heavy; Attachment is light and fleeting.
The one way that you know a love is real is if you really feel the weight of it even when it’s gone. When love vanishes from your life, you are taken over by overwhelming sadness and grief. When you happen to be stripped of love, you feel like you are being stripped of life itself. With attachment however, loss is consolable. It’s something that doesn’t affect you much. It’s expendable.
2. Love is about being thoughtful; Attachment is about being selfish.
When you are genuinely in love with someone else, it stops being just about yourself. Suddenly your life priorities change. Your philosophy shifts. You start thinking of your love as something that is shared and is no longer entirely your own. When you are merely attached to a person, all you focus on are your own personal feelings. You only see things from your own personal lens and you don’t necessarily have room for others.
3. Love isn’t easy; Attachment is easy only when you’re together.
Love is one of the most difficult emotions a human being is ever going to have to deal with. It’s a very complex feeling and the dynamics between two people who are genuinely in love can get very complicated. There will be lots of ups and downs between two people who are in love, but they always stay at each other’s side. Attachment is only difficult whenever you’re not together.
4. Love gives you freedom; Attachment paralyzes you.
You would never here couples in love telling each other that they aren’t allowed to pursue certain things. Couples who are genuinely in love are always pursuing their freedom. They have much trust in each other and they are never insecure about whether the other person is still going to be there the next day. In a relationship of attachment, there is always that insecurity. That’s why people who are only attached tend to place lots of rules and boundaries in their relationships.
5. Love is supportive; Attachment is constricting.
True love inspires people to become better. Attachment merely encourages stagnancy. When people are truly in love, they encourage each other to go after their dreams. They push each other to become the best possible versions of themselves. People who are only bound by attachment like to stay in a little box and they don’t like being disturbed.
6. Love is forever; Attachment has an expiration date.
Love is something that doesn’t have a time limit on it. There is no satisfying one’s desire for love and that’s why it lasts for ever. Attachment however, does have an expiration date. There are limits as to how much a person can be satisfied with one’s attachment to another. Once that craving has been satisfied, it’s on to the next one.
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